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I have been looking into adoption recently, and was discouraged about the costs. I would love any kind of advice, or information about making it more affordable. How can a lower income family afford it?

I took the question to our adoption forum members and this is what they suggested:

>>>>>>> This is tough. I have to say it seems to be getting harder to do each time we pursue it. Further, adoption costs have gone up incredibly over the last six years and I feel they’ll continue to raise at a phenomenal rate. Here’s what we’ve done: re-financed our home at a much lower rate, and borrowing more to cover the cost of the adoption. In the end, we borrowed more $$ and brought our house payment down incredibly as well (lower interest rate). We’ve also borrowed from family; as well as used almost all of our savings. This is because we’ve chosen to adopt more than a couple of times……several times as a matter of fact.

I know some would encourage you to adopt through the foster to adopt state systems. While this means essentially no financial cost to the adoptive parents…….one must be careful to weigh the financial with the emotional costs to adopt in this manner. More often than not, adopting through the system will take (at least ) a moderate toll on the emotional well-being of family members. Be very prepared for this. This isn’t to imply foster/adopt situations can’t succeed; but they certainly aren’t like adopting babies and there is often a different way of raising these children—because of their past issues.

I’ve heard of people having yard sales, applying for grants, taking out adoption loans, etc. All of these are good. But, regardless of which direction you go, I’d say that paying for adoption means the couple will have to sacrifice in order to do so. There is a small percentage of people who are quite wealthy and have money sitting around for adoptions; but they’re not the majority. Most of us have to decide if the wants and desires of our hearts lie with having new homes, new cars every couple of years (or longer LOL), having a lot of material luxuries or paying fees in order to have children. IMO, that’s really the bottom line. Adoption isn’t for everyone; and for a lot of us, adopting children ranks higher than retirement, material comfort, and having that guaranteed nest egg for old age. Again, it’s a monetary sacrifice, and one that should be well considered before going into it.

>>>>>>> Apply for grants, request information on need-based fee reductions, see if your state offers an adoption benefit amount to offset your costs. Many do. See if your employer offers an adoption benefit. Many people do private fundraisers, yard sales, etc. to help pay adoption expenses.

Really do your homework when choosing an agency or adoption professional. There can be drastic differences in fees, hidden costs, and the expectation that you pay some birthparent expenses. Many places don’t require you to pay any birthparent expenses.

>>>>>>> We used savings, and temporarily home equity, and with both of our adoption I had a “timely” deal come through – just through SHEER LUCK. We didn’t borrow more than we knew we could recoup with the tax credit. Both time we adopted money was very tight from adoption date to tax time. – so nearly a year of monetary stress.

We were lucky in ways, my income had always been our “fun” money. Sure, we used some of it for living expenses, but because of Matt’s career, and mine, we couldn’t count on mine (he’s military, I’ve been strictly comission since I was 25), so our primary existing never touched my income.

My advice – save some money, however you can. Ebay stuff, garage sale stuff, put off buying a new car, furniture whatever. Have romantic dinners at home instead of restaurants- you can’t do that once you have kids (we had one of our anniversary dinners – complete with china and crystal in our formal dining room au natural), limit your gift giving – cards work for most people just fine, no one needs more junk. When it comes to work clothes buy 1 new suit per season per year. That way you have something up to date to wear when necessary, and perfectly acceptable stanbys the rest of the time – by 5 years old my suits were for office days only, not meeting days. But 4 years and younger – not enough difference to be out of style. Buy target instead of Victoria’s secret – yeah, I hate it too, but it does make a difference.

I do hate that when money comes up every one says consider state children, or special needs. I don’t think that it is fair to the kids to be only considered because of money issues. I think people need to look at the type of adoption that is right for their family….how they can best parent the kids they adopt first. Then look at the money. Certainly if special needs and older children are in their “range” then it is a great place to start, but money shouldn’t dictate the type of adoption.

>>>>>> Various foundations and donors enable special needs adoptions to happen with a greater frequency by advertising and offering grants. With greater visibility, these children are seen by prospective adoptive parents. Often, people are moved to inquiry by familiarity: perhaps a friend or relative has a similar condition, or there is another child in the home with the same handicap. After much discussion, personal research, and the home study, prospective adoptive parents interested in adopting special needs have a single child in mind. They are not waiting for a referral. They know what will be involved and how much they can handle. They have looked for networks in the community for support and education. They have sought medical guidance. Their homestudies are specifically approved for the adoption of a special needs child.

>>>>>>> Family and church gave us a little money, but the bulk of our adoption costs came from a personal line of credit. I have found that since we adopted, our credit union offers a loan program specifically for adoption.

>>>>>>> We are not adopting until we have the total costs of the money saved. It sucks, and I fight with dh about it all the time, but in the end I know it will be best. The monthly amount of money we’re saving each month for adoption will then be used to save for our kid’s college once we do have a baby. I want a baby more than I want air somedays, but I need dh’s support and he refused to be in debt when we can make sacrifices now, wait a while, and save. I’ve wanted to adopt for almost 2 years now, and we’re not planning to start until 1-1-11 (or 1-2-11 since I doubt the social worker will do our homestudy on New Year’s Day). Almost 4 years is a long time to wait when we’ve already waited long enough, but we’ll have it paid in full including all anticipated travel costs (dh is a financial planner so he has included the costs for EVERYTHING).

>>>>>>> Dealing the fees was difficult for us to. It helped us to finalize our decision on what country to go to. We were always heading towards China and the fact that it is one of the cheapest countries didn’t hurt. It sucks that we have to think about it that way but we have to be able to afford to raise the baby once they come home and we couldn’t spend all our money on the adoption. We’ve been saving up and with the international adoption we get to pay a little here and a little there, which helps. I found an organization that gives interest free loans to Jewish families, so we’ve looked into that. And my parents have offered to help, which I hate to do, being that I’m 39 and should I really still be getting help from my parents, but the hell with it… they have it and they are happy to share! We had spent so much money on fertility and it just never seems to end. I’m just amazed at it all… there are so many kids out there that need a good home and we all have good homes and want kids, why does it have to be so damn difficult?

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I help with the Adopt America Network as an adoption specialist and I also volunteer independently to help others find agencies/attorneys and families for special needs babies. I have a network of resources and agency contacts who inform me when a special needs baby is available for adoption. Generally, these babies are newborns. Generally, the families who want to adopt them, have already adopted OTHER special needs babies too. It would seem that once a family feels comfortable with a special needs baby, they want to continue in that direction when adopting more.

A lot of times when people hear the words, ‘special needs adoption’, images of babies lying in hospital beds with wires, monitors and medications come to mind. Not usually so. Many special needs babies have been born with conditions that can be corrected. Special needs can also be applied to babies born addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. Special needs can also be applied to those children who are born with nothing more than a clubfoot, hand, or mild facial deformity. The listing of what constitutes a special needs baby covers a vast spectrum. It’s not fair to assume all special needs babies will forever need ‘in-home care’ or have long-term effects from drugs or conditions. For instance, while a family should be concerned over drug and alcohol use in utero, it should be noted that very often, exposed babies grow into children who are very intelligent and well adjusted overall.

I’d be lying to say that *all*special needs babies grow out of their conditions or grow up without being permanently scared. Sometimes the affects of drug/alcohol use cause the life-long condition of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (often referred to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Fetal Alcohol Effect). However, these conditions vary in severity as well and one cannot know the outcome until the child has matured for several months/years. And sometimes, a family who believes a child is affected by one thing, find out the condition is nothing as they suspected or a physician diagnosed. This ‘finding out’ can sometimes mean a totally different outcome for the child—positive or negative. But, it’s only fair to add that these ‘surprises’ can come about with a ‘normal-baby-adoption’ too.

Some babies may or may not have a very rough start. (And you’ll see this in a ’healthy’ baby population too.) Some may, indeed, have that rough start and always walk a rocky road; or find a simpler road to a healthier recovery in adult life. But regardless, some agencies/attorneys have listings of families who are open to special needs babies or, as I‘ve mentioned, have a resource list of people to contact when searching for a family.

So, to my local letter writer, and to any who think ‘no one wants those special needs babies’……they simply don’t have a clue. Several families eagerly wait with open arms until their special needs baby finds them.

Resources: Special needs adoption photolisting
CHASK – http://www.chask.org/waitingchildren.htm
ADOPT AMERICA NETWORK – http://adoptamericanetwork.org/waiting-children/

Written by Linny

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During Father’s Day Weekend, Wendy’s will donate 50¢ from every Frosty product sold to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption (DTFA), a national, non-profit public charity dedicated to dramatically increasing the number of adoptions of foster children in North America. Also customers can stop by Wendy’s and donate to the cause by purchasing a Frosty pin-up for $1 each.

“The Wendy’s system is very proud to be involved with this special event that supports the cause that our founder, Dave Thomas, was most passionate about – finding a permanent and loving home for every child in the foster care system,” said Wendy’s President David Karam, who serves on the board of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

“This is our third year for Father’s Day Frosty Weekend and we’ve set our fundraising goal at $1.7 million! We hope families will find this an enjoyable way to celebrate Father’s Day while making a difference in the lives of foster children.”

After raising more than $1 million in 2007 and over $1.5 million in 2008 during Father’s Day Frosty Weekend, Wendy’s remains committed to supporting the cause of foster care adoption in the U.S.

The money raised during the weekend will support the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and its signature program: Wendy’s Wonderful Kids (WWK). This program is filling a critical need by funding full-time adoption professionals at local agencies in all 50 states to match parents with waiting foster care children.

The success of WWK is due to the ongoing partnership between the DTFA, the Wendy’s system of 6,600 company and franchise operated restaurants and local adoption partners. The Foundation grants funds to qualified adoption organizations, and holds the agencies accountable for achieving agreed-upon results. The Wendy’s system raises more than $7 million annually to fund the local WWK programs.

“We’re very proud of how far the program has come in such a short time. But even with all that’s been achieved, there are still thousands of children in foster care still waiting to be adopted.” said Rita Soronen, executive director of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

“We believe Wendy’s Wonderful Kids is the solution, and that the program will become even stronger with the support of Wendy’s customers during Father’s Day Weekend.”

Join Wendy’s in supporting foster care adoption – stop by Wendy’s during Father’s Day Frosty Weekend, June 20-21, for a special treat

The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption
The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a non-profit 501(c)3 public charity dedicated to dramatically increasing the adoptions of the more than 150,000 children in North America’s foster care systems ready to be adopted. Created by Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas who was adopted as a child, the Foundation leads programs such as Wendy’s Wonderful Kids, which puts adoption recruiters in all 50 states and Canada to find permanent, loving families for children in the foster care system, and Adoption-Friendly Workplace, which encourages employers to offer adoption benefits to their employees. The Foundation also works with adoption advocates and officials to streamline the adoption process and make adoption more affordable for families. As the only Foundation dedicated exclusively to foster care adoption, it is driven by its founder’s simple value: Do what’s best for the child. To learn more about the Foundation’s work, please visit www.DaveThomasFoundationforAdoption.org.

Thank you to the many folks across the nation for buying a frosty and helping children who wait for adoption. Last year’s efforts raised more than $1.5 million!

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Create and send a free fathers days e-card, or choose a celebrity created one through their site Frosty Card and Wendy’s will donate 25 cents to
The Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption.

Father’s day is this Sunday so stop by their site and send a card today!

Reposted at the Forever Parents Adoption Forums.

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From their site:

Parents who adopt children from agencies like social services often find themselves wondering what they have gotten themselves into and don’t know where to turn for help. It can feel like navigating a field of barbed wire.

This site aims to provide a virtual support group for this community–foster parents, adoptive parents, older kids who have been fostered or adopted, and professionals who help us take care of our kids.

Clear calm waters are our hope. Raising healthy, well adjusted children is our goal. We know it is worth it.

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Don’t miss this heartwarming one-hour television show!

Celebrity performers will share the stage with extraordinary American families who share their joy and their stories of foster care adoption.

This year’s show features Faith Hill and includes Tim McGraw, Jamie Foxx, Melissa Etheridge, Gavin Rossdale, Keyshia Cole, Martin Short, Kristen Chenoweth and a host of others.

There are currently half a million children in foster care in the United States; 129,000 of these children are available for adoption. Each year, A Home for the Holidays raises national awareness about this important social issue and connects waiting children with potential adoptive families.

The show is a joint project of CBS, the Children’s Action Network, Wendy’s International, Triage Productions, Goldsmith Entertainment and the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

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Here’s some information from their website:

Jockey Being Family (TM) is Jockey’s corporate citizenship initiative dedicated to strengthening adoptive families for successful futures. Jockey launched Jockey Being Family (TM) in 2005. Jockey hopes to lead the charge in raising awareness of the need for expanding the availability of post-adoption services to make a difference in the lives of adoptive families. Adoption is a lifelong journey. Jockey’s goal is to provide support to adoptive families along the road, to help ensure that these adoptive families can truly be “forever families.”

Jockey International is a privately-held, family-owned, Midwest company and our brand values have long reflected a genuine commitment to families. Family and children have always been important to Jockey and adoption is an issue close to the hearts of our employees.

After months of research and careful consideration of issues where Jockey could make a significant impact on American families, we learned that post-adoption services support and resources for parents and children after the adoptions are legally finalized were scarce. Jockey also learned that no corporation was championing this important area of adoption. We realized that this was where Jockey could make the largest, most targeted impact.

We believe that by strengthening adoptive families, we can help ensure permanence for children who are awaiting a “forever family.” As a brand and company, Jockey is committed to satisfying the human need for comfort and we believe that helping families to stay strong is one of the best ways we can express and fulfill this belief.

Our mission is to engage employees in meaningful volunteer activities; raise awareness of the need for post-adoption services; and build recognition of Jockey’s corporate citizenship. Through partnerships we have developed with local and national nonprofit organizations, Jockey provides funding, employee volunteers and in-kind donations to support post-adoption services efforts and help build “forever families.”

You can help support adoption services with the purchase of this adorable bear for only $8.50. For each bear sold, Jockey will donate $3 to various adoption organizations.

I’m going to buy one for each of my kids. You can also try to win one at Dories Diaries

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