The Case Against Competition

When it comes to competition, we Americans typically recognize only two legitimate positions: enthusiastic support and qualified support.The first view holds that the more we immerse our children (and ourselves) in rivalry, the better. Competition builds character and produces excellence. The second stance admits that our society has gotten carried away with the need to be Number One, that we push our kids too hard and too...

Atrocious Advice from “Supernanny”

Atrocious Advice from “Supernanny” By Alfie KohnA despot welcomes a riot. Disorder provides an excuse to rescind liberties in order to restore calm. There are only two choices, after all: chaos and control. Even the creators of Get Smart understood that. And so, too, do the creators of Supernanny and Nanny 911. Each week they poke their cameras into a dysfunctional suburban home where the children are bouncing off...

Modeling Respect For Children

by Pam Leo “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” - James Baldwin Children are mirrors; they reflect back to us everything we say and do. We now know that 95% of everything children learn, they learn from what is modeled for them. Only 5% of all they learn is from direct instruction. Human beings are like tape recorders. Every word we hear,...

15 MORE Fun Things To Do With Your Child

Here’s fifteen more fun (low cost or free) things to do with your children, from the members of the Forever Parents adoption forums. This list is part of the Friday Fifteen. 1. Play dress up 2. Play “Red Light Green Light” 3. Cook dinner together 4. Go to the park 5. Have a craft hour 6. Go to a park and feed the birds 7. Have a play date with friends 8. Fly a kite 9. Play charades 10. Play hopscotch 11....

Blending Biological And Adopted Children

People come to adoption for many reasons and infertility is only one of them, although society seems to think it’s the only reason. It’s like people can’t believe that someone would pick adoption as their first choice. Many parents blend adoptive and biological children in the family. I myself come from a blended family. My parents adopted my brother when I was eight. Lisa Van Houten and her husband Craig...

Five Reasons To Stop Saying “Good Job!”...

By Alfie Kohn Hang out at a playground, visit a school, or show up at a child’s birthday party, and there’s one phrase you can count on hearing repeatedly: “Good job!” Even tiny infants are praised for smacking their hands together (“Good clapping!”). Many of us blurt out these judgments of our children to the point that it has become almost a verbal tic. Plenty of books and articles advise us...

Parenting With Love, Not Fear

Teaching Through Love Instead of Fear by Pam Leo “However we treat the child, the child will treat the world.” - Pam Leo Can you imagine threatening your partner or good friend by counting “One… two… three…” if he or she did not do what you wanted? One of the big issues in schools today is “bullying.” Parents and teachers struggle daily with how to stop this behavior....

15 Fun Things To Do With Your Children

Members of the Forever Parents adoption forums put their thinking caps on and came up with a bunch of fun, free or low cost activities you can do with your children. This list is being submitted as part of Friday Fifteen. 1. Go to the library. You can participate in a free activity and borrow a video to watch when you get home 2. Take a walk around your neighborhood 3. Check out the local Community Center 4. Go on a picnic 5....

Self Care For Parents

We asked members at our adoption forums what little things they do on an everyday basis to take care of themself? What preventive measures do they take? ** When I’m really stressed out…I WALK. I love to walk…could do it all day, really I could. It’s gotta be a brisk one too…not the casual stuff. I walk….if I’m alone, I talk–OUT LOUD—to God. And truthfully, I’m sure...

Creating A Nurturing Environment For Your Child

Creating More Nurturing Environments for Children by Pam Leo “What people become under one set of circumstances does not tell us very much about what they might have become under another.” – John Holt Given a choice, young children will usually choose to be in a natural environment. They want to be outdoors, in the fresh air and sunlight, barefoot and naked, surrounded by grass, trees, and flowers, hearing...

More Gays And Lesbians Becoming Parents

It’s nice to see such a positive article in the midst of such discrimination. I honestly don’t understand what their issue is with gay people adopting. Families come in all shapes and sizes and who’s to say that one is better than another. Gaywired.com According to a study released by the Williams Institute and the Urban Institute, lesbian, gay and bisexual people are becoming parents at a faster rate....

Parenting Biological And Adopted Children

Debra G. Smith of the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, 1996. Years ago, if you went to an adoption agency seeking to adopt a child after having had a child by birth, you were turned down. It just wasn’t done. It was thought that you shouldn’t mix the two the children would be too different, and the difference would be insurmountable. Professionals advised against it. Of course, the reverse order of...