In part one, I wrote about our hopeful adoptive couple, Jill and Jon. I mentioned that they have a limited amount of money to spend in their attempt to have a child; and, that those who choose to build their family through pregnancy have little to ‘prove’ in order to show they’re worthy to become parents—-unlike people who choose to adopt a baby/child.

Jill and Jon have already gone through the process of the home study and are now considering different legal avenues to find their child. Whether a couple can go outside of state lines to adopt is up to the requirements of their state. In my own state, couples must undergo the weeks long PRIDE courses put on by DCFS or DCFS affiliates. Once successfully done, the couple can have a foster to adopt license to go across state lines (even if they never plan to foster/adopt through the system). Whether Jill and Jon choose to search for a baby outside or inside their state, their home study will need to be sent BY the conducting (home) agency TO any agency/attorney Jill and Jon want to deal with. Most (if not all) agencies/attorneys will not take a home study copy given to them by the couple wanting to adopt.

Jill and Jon will also have to pay ‘registration fees’ to other agencies/attorneys they‘ll want to work with. In some cases, agencies will allow partial fees or waived fees depending on what type of baby the couple seeks or what their income might be. Sometimes, agencies will allow people to have their ‘home study on file’ in the event a particular situation comes about. In those cases, a bona-fide file isn‘t necessary unless the desired situation arises. If their ideal child DOES come about……certain fees will be expected at the time of placement.

Following are some abbreviated tips to help hopeful adopting people save money, save time and not get caught up in ‘games’ some adoption entities play:

Deal only with agencies who’ll allow you to work with more than one adoption entity. Some agencies/attorneys will only allow you to work with them—and them alone. While they may have been the group who conducted your home study…keep in mind that YOU have paid for the home study. Once your home study is finished, you should be able to have it sent to any agency that will accept it.

YOU can find the agencies/attorneys you want to work with by simply doing some research on your own. While some couples pay others to find an agency to work with; I believe people can find agencies/attorneys on their own. Google in those states you feel you can work with and ask: ‘Adoption agencies/attorneys in XXXX state‘. You can even be more specific: “Adoption agencies/attorneys who specialize in Black American adoptions’….or, Adoption agencies/attorneys who specialize in special needs infants’, etc.

With this, an entire listing will come up. Copy it off and with a notebook, pen and phone, start calling. By asking agencies about their fees, what their specific requirements are, if they force open adoptions with visits, semi-open with 18yrs of letters/photos, or allow freedom of choice for adopting couples and birth family………you’ll know first hand which agency or attorney will suit your needs best. Be sure to keep decent notes on all phone calls. This is important because as you go along, it may be difficult to remember which agency said what, etc. You may find yourself making notes about helpful people and whether they’ll even suit your needs. Some agencies will tell you *they* have many birth moms coming along– and while this may be true—it’s wise to carefully consider whether the agency is giving appropriate counseling to any birthmothers or simply gathering babies for profit through adoption.

Another way to use Google is to inquire about any postings for adoptable situations. There are several; and while some may be situations you‘re not interested in, knowing about the agencies and how much they charge (often listed with the situation) will only help to learn more about agencies in general. Take note of agency websites and what their policies are. Phone them about their requirements. Again, keep detailed notes….and even if the agency isn’t a good fit, you can still learn something about adoption.

Watch out for those who simply want to do business but don’t have a heart for adoption.

When you talk with an agency/attorney‘s office, stay aware of those who truly have a heart for adoption and those who truly have a heart for your hard-earned money! I advise people to stay away from agencies/attorneys who ask for large amounts of money up front (or even in large increments once you sign up). It’s not unusual for adoption entities to ask for initial fees of $200-500 to set up a file and give an initial consultation over the phone or in their office. An agency or attorney who asks for more than this amount (just for signing up) might cause you to re-consider.

Be VERY cautious of agencies/attorneys who promise a quick placement or upcoming scenarios that sound suspicious. For instance, an agency/attorney who counsels with a birthmother about an adoption plan in their sixth month is fine; but talking about an adoption plan with someone in their third week of pregnancy—then asking if you want to match with this person this early– is not good practice by most agency standards.

Consider NOT playing the ‘matching game’.

I advise hopeful adopting couples to only accept babies that are already born, released for adoption and ready to be adopted. This doesn’t mean there isn’t any risk. It DOES mean the birthparents will have signed—or will sign in a short amount of time. In the case of an unknown father, it may mean that he’s being sought through a diligent search. It also means the agency has had time to discuss adoption with the birthparents and the hopeful adoptive couple can have information as to any risks that might be involved. An already born baby can also mean that many specifics pertaining to the health of the baby may have already been noted: Birth challenges, drug or alcohol use, etc.

Many agencies/attorneys will tell you ‘already born babies’ don’t happen. This is untrue. While you may wait longer by not matching pre-birth, you can eliminate a lot of risk by holding out for an already born baby.

Work with agencies who’ll allow the freedom of choice.

Today, too many agencies and attorneys tell hopeful adoptive people that the best way to adopt is to have a fully open adoption involving continued contact with the birth family. If not this, many agencies will insist their clients promise to continue semi-open contact with 18 or more years of letters/photos to the birth family. While this makes for good policy in the eyes of the agency or attorney…..it’s an unfair assumption on their part toward hopeful adoptive people and birth families.

No two adoptions are alike. There are hopeful adopting parents who welcome very open contact with the biological family of their child. Likewise, there are hopeful adopting parents who want a more closed (or even completely closed) adoption with the biological family of their child. And, just like hopeful parents, some birth families want a very open, semi-open or closed adoption for the child they’re releasing for adoption. “Openness” in continued contact should be an individual choice between birth and adopting families and should be stated clearly and honestly prior to the placement of the baby.

Agencies and attorneys deciding for these parties as to what kind of contact will occur in the future– could be seen as controlling and biased. Some states have required written post-adoption agreements that can hold up in court should either party not adhere to what they promised prior to the adoption. For some, this is good; for others, not so much. Be aware of any state requirements before considering a child from that state. Always be honest with any birth family as to what you feel you will or will not allow in terms of openness for your new baby.

These are just a few suggestions for those people starting out on their adoption quest. In my next article, I’ll touch on ways to deal with the waiting times of an adoption journey.

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Jill and Jon have gone through several miscarriages and rounds of IVF. They have approximately $20,ooo left. They’ve decided their funding will either be exhausted by continued attempts with IVF; or, they’ll bet on a sure thing with putting their monies into adoption. They feel as though they’ve been through the mire. They’ve been married 6yrs, have good jobs and feel good about making a decision toward something that will have a happy ending. (Adoption)

But before that happy ending can happen, Jill and Jon will have to undergo a grueling test of just how much they really WANT to have a baby in their home.

How?

By going down the long road of proving themselves worthy to adopt and parent children. This task of proving themselves will put them through one of the toughest journeys of their lives. The process is one of the most ‘one-sided events’ they’ll ever undertake. And, unless they’re well educated and well read, it’s very possible that they’ll lose a considerable amount of money before they have a newborn in their arms…..

Before anyone can legally adopt a baby, they have to have a completed home study conducted. This document is essential to adopt domestically and internationally. The cost for a domestic home study often ranges from $1500.00 – $2000.00. (An international home study often costs more.) The home study involves individual interviews with the prospective parent; interviews with both parents; written referrals from friends, relatives, bosses, and sometimes, their pastor. It will require that the hopeful adoptive couple submit to full disclosure of their tax forms, their loans, expenses, their monthly budget and any other additional income or debts they might have. They’ll be asked if they have a will, life insurance and a designated person to parent their child should both of them die at the same time.

It will require them to write out a biography of their lives and how they met; how long they dated and what kinds of issues they might have dealt with—prior to and post marriage– that were easy or difficult. They’ll have to answer questions about their parents’ discipline; talk about their own ideas concerning children; how their expanded family feels about adoption and how good their sex life is—or is not. They’ll also be required to discuss their failed IVF treatments; whether they think they’re ready to have a baby through adoption and why they think they should be allowed to adopt at all. Oftentimes, their boss will have to submit a letter discussing how well they perform their job and how long they’ve been employed with that job.

If their state requires a foster license in order to adopt across state lines, they’ll have to complete 16 hours of PRIDE or MAPP classes meant for parents of foster children (even if their child won‘t be a foster child). These classes will include discussions and assignments about behavior disorders, sexual and physical abuse of children, how to discuss adoption with older children, and specific mental issues more often seen in older adopted children who‘ve been through the foster care system.

They’ll have to submit to a state (and sometimes national) background and fingerprint check; oftentimes, a CPR class; and usually one or more parenting classes. Sometimes, there are classes designed to explain a recurrent theory holding that even when their child is adopted, they should understand the child is actually not ‘theirs’, but still belonging to the biological family—whether their child will feel actually feel that way or not. (State foster care systems like to remind parents of the theory that most children will long for their biological family……a theory that oftentimes is not true.)

In short, Jill and Jon will have to expose their innermost feelings, insecurities and strengths about themselves, each other and those in their extended family; then allow others to tell them HOW and WHY those thought processes are either correct or need correction…depending on who their instructors are.

Through all of this, will be a casework who will write out the home study and sometimes put his/her own spin on what’s being said or written by Jill and Jon. More often than not, the caseworker will be a complete stranger to the hopeful adoptive couple. ( It’s been our own experience, that most caseworkers have been unmarried with no children and certainly have never been through the adoption process.)

Sound overwhelming? It can be. Yet this is just the beginning of an adoption journey.

Compare the above then, with those who choose to get pregnant (or can easily get pregnant).

How many documents does a pregnant couple have to fill out? Does anyone ask about their family background? Do they submit to background checks? (In fact, those convicted of sexual offenses continue to have the right to pro-create.) Does anyone ask them what their plans are for discipline or whether they have a Will or someone to parent their children should both of them die at the same time? Do they have to worry their insurance won’t pay for the pregnancy or the birth of their child?

If getting pregnant takes longer than they’d hoped, will the hopeful pregnant couple need to update their family history as adopting couples do every year (and sometimes, every six months)? Barring IVF treatments, will the hopefully pregnant couple have to pay monies to apply for the possibility of having a child? (Adoptive couples can pay thousands in application fees and possible situations.)

Sound unfair? It is!

Certainly, getting pregnant is actually a lot easier and less expensive in many ways than adoption. Yet for those who desire to adopt, this scenario is just a brief listing of the various hoops and loops hopeful parents must go through in order to find their baby to adopt.

It’s frustrating, unfair and oftentimes, those in waiting will want to throw in the towel and quit altogether. But, there are ways to help make the process a little easier, a little less expensive and stressful.

In part two, I’ll discuss the various ways adoptive couples can venture through the adoption journey without losing hope of finding/adopting a baby—and without losing their minds in the process.

Written with a lot of experience, by Linny

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I have been looking into adoption recently, and was discouraged about the costs. I would love any kind of advice, or information about making it more affordable. How can a lower income family afford it?

I took the question to our adoption forum members and this is what they suggested:

>>>>>>> This is tough. I have to say it seems to be getting harder to do each time we pursue it. Further, adoption costs have gone up incredibly over the last six years and I feel they’ll continue to raise at a phenomenal rate. Here’s what we’ve done: re-financed our home at a much lower rate, and borrowing more to cover the cost of the adoption. In the end, we borrowed more $$ and brought our house payment down incredibly as well (lower interest rate). We’ve also borrowed from family; as well as used almost all of our savings. This is because we’ve chosen to adopt more than a couple of times……several times as a matter of fact.

I know some would encourage you to adopt through the foster to adopt state systems. While this means essentially no financial cost to the adoptive parents…….one must be careful to weigh the financial with the emotional costs to adopt in this manner. More often than not, adopting through the system will take (at least ) a moderate toll on the emotional well-being of family members. Be very prepared for this. This isn’t to imply foster/adopt situations can’t succeed; but they certainly aren’t like adopting babies and there is often a different way of raising these children—because of their past issues.

I’ve heard of people having yard sales, applying for grants, taking out adoption loans, etc. All of these are good. But, regardless of which direction you go, I’d say that paying for adoption means the couple will have to sacrifice in order to do so. There is a small percentage of people who are quite wealthy and have money sitting around for adoptions; but they’re not the majority. Most of us have to decide if the wants and desires of our hearts lie with having new homes, new cars every couple of years (or longer LOL), having a lot of material luxuries or paying fees in order to have children. IMO, that’s really the bottom line. Adoption isn’t for everyone; and for a lot of us, adopting children ranks higher than retirement, material comfort, and having that guaranteed nest egg for old age. Again, it’s a monetary sacrifice, and one that should be well considered before going into it.

>>>>>>> Apply for grants, request information on need-based fee reductions, see if your state offers an adoption benefit amount to offset your costs. Many do. See if your employer offers an adoption benefit. Many people do private fundraisers, yard sales, etc. to help pay adoption expenses.

Really do your homework when choosing an agency or adoption professional. There can be drastic differences in fees, hidden costs, and the expectation that you pay some birthparent expenses. Many places don’t require you to pay any birthparent expenses.

>>>>>>> We used savings, and temporarily home equity, and with both of our adoption I had a “timely” deal come through – just through SHEER LUCK. We didn’t borrow more than we knew we could recoup with the tax credit. Both time we adopted money was very tight from adoption date to tax time. – so nearly a year of monetary stress.

We were lucky in ways, my income had always been our “fun” money. Sure, we used some of it for living expenses, but because of Matt’s career, and mine, we couldn’t count on mine (he’s military, I’ve been strictly comission since I was 25), so our primary existing never touched my income.

My advice – save some money, however you can. Ebay stuff, garage sale stuff, put off buying a new car, furniture whatever. Have romantic dinners at home instead of restaurants- you can’t do that once you have kids (we had one of our anniversary dinners – complete with china and crystal in our formal dining room au natural), limit your gift giving – cards work for most people just fine, no one needs more junk. When it comes to work clothes buy 1 new suit per season per year. That way you have something up to date to wear when necessary, and perfectly acceptable stanbys the rest of the time – by 5 years old my suits were for office days only, not meeting days. But 4 years and younger – not enough difference to be out of style. Buy target instead of Victoria’s secret – yeah, I hate it too, but it does make a difference.

I do hate that when money comes up every one says consider state children, or special needs. I don’t think that it is fair to the kids to be only considered because of money issues. I think people need to look at the type of adoption that is right for their family….how they can best parent the kids they adopt first. Then look at the money. Certainly if special needs and older children are in their “range” then it is a great place to start, but money shouldn’t dictate the type of adoption.

>>>>>> Various foundations and donors enable special needs adoptions to happen with a greater frequency by advertising and offering grants. With greater visibility, these children are seen by prospective adoptive parents. Often, people are moved to inquiry by familiarity: perhaps a friend or relative has a similar condition, or there is another child in the home with the same handicap. After much discussion, personal research, and the home study, prospective adoptive parents interested in adopting special needs have a single child in mind. They are not waiting for a referral. They know what will be involved and how much they can handle. They have looked for networks in the community for support and education. They have sought medical guidance. Their homestudies are specifically approved for the adoption of a special needs child.

>>>>>>> Family and church gave us a little money, but the bulk of our adoption costs came from a personal line of credit. I have found that since we adopted, our credit union offers a loan program specifically for adoption.

>>>>>>> We are not adopting until we have the total costs of the money saved. It sucks, and I fight with dh about it all the time, but in the end I know it will be best. The monthly amount of money we’re saving each month for adoption will then be used to save for our kid’s college once we do have a baby. I want a baby more than I want air somedays, but I need dh’s support and he refused to be in debt when we can make sacrifices now, wait a while, and save. I’ve wanted to adopt for almost 2 years now, and we’re not planning to start until 1-1-11 (or 1-2-11 since I doubt the social worker will do our homestudy on New Year’s Day). Almost 4 years is a long time to wait when we’ve already waited long enough, but we’ll have it paid in full including all anticipated travel costs (dh is a financial planner so he has included the costs for EVERYTHING).

>>>>>>> Dealing the fees was difficult for us to. It helped us to finalize our decision on what country to go to. We were always heading towards China and the fact that it is one of the cheapest countries didn’t hurt. It sucks that we have to think about it that way but we have to be able to afford to raise the baby once they come home and we couldn’t spend all our money on the adoption. We’ve been saving up and with the international adoption we get to pay a little here and a little there, which helps. I found an organization that gives interest free loans to Jewish families, so we’ve looked into that. And my parents have offered to help, which I hate to do, being that I’m 39 and should I really still be getting help from my parents, but the hell with it… they have it and they are happy to share! We had spent so much money on fertility and it just never seems to end. I’m just amazed at it all… there are so many kids out there that need a good home and we all have good homes and want kids, why does it have to be so damn difficult?

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To adopt a baby/child from a private agency or attorney, I would suggest the following:

1. Seriously sit down and create a list of what you’re hoping for. Be honest with yourself. Believe me when I say that there are families for every baby. Don’t adopt across ethnic lines unless you’re prepared to deal with this easily. Don’t adopt a special needs baby unless you’re prepared to educate yourself on the various issues associated with this type of scenario and deal with special needs issues LIFE long. Stay with this list and don’t deviate unless you’ve done a lot of research and feel you can go beyond what you originally set for yourself.
Unlike birth, adoption usually allows you to choose specific special needs, gender and ethnicity.

2. Consider how much money you have to spend on adoption fees. Ask most parents who adopted domestically through private agencies/attorneys and they’ll probably tell you they had to turn down at least one situation because the fees weren’t in their price range. Realize that if you’re not even close to the fees most agencies/attorneys are charging these days, you’ll need to find ways to fund your adoption. Realize that even with the best planning, there can still be expenses you’d not expected. Be sure to have extra emergency funds, or know where you can borrow money if need be.

3. You’ll need a home study. Sit down with the phonebook and look up various agencies or attorneys in your area. If you live in a more isolated area, google “Adoption agencies in X area” and a list will be available for you. Copy that list. Sit down with the list, phone, pen and paper. Phone each agency/attorney and ask what they charge for a homestudy, do they network with other agencies/attorneys to find situations, if they charge a placement fee and if there are any additional charges.

4. Your home study will take approximately three months to complete. Sometimes this is done more quickly; sometimes it may take longer. The home study will consist of several things, not the least of which will be physicals (for you and spouse or partner); references, fingerprints, background checks and more. Realize that most of the time, your completed home study belongs to you! After all, you‘ve paid to have it done. While you may not be privy to everything written in it (most are, but some agencies are private about this), you should be free to have it sent to other agencies/attorneys if another situation should arise where you could be presented as a possible adoptive parent/s. It would be wise to ask an agency/attorney if they’ll allow you to have your home study sent (by them) to other situations from other agencies/attorneys. (A few agencies will only allow their clients to work within their own network. I would personally only choose one that allows its clients to network on their own and with other agencies/attorneys.)

6. It can be said that in order to help find your baby through a private agency or attorney, you’ll need to be proactive. By that, I mean it would serve you well to become active with online adoption groups (such as our own adoption support forums) to discuss agencies/attorneys and various avenues to find resources. You may find it overwhelming, but membership to a good online support system can go a long way to find a reputable adoption agency/attorney.
Other sites which may be helpful to find a reputable agency or attorney are:

http://www.adoptionagencyratings.com/

http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/state/

To adopt from your state’s foster care system, I would suggest the following:

1. Just like adopting privately, sit down and decide the age, ethnicity and special needs of a child you want to adopt. This is especially important when adopting a child from the foster care system. A lot of children in the system have been sexually abused, endured physical abuse and/or have, or are still experiencing attachment difficulties. These issues should not be underestimated. Adopting a child from the foster care system requires a different type of parenting than the parenting required for infant adoption. Therefore, to adopt from the state, additional classes and education are often necessary to learn the skills and techniques to parent a child who’s been traumatized, hurt or simply left in the system too long. Be prepared. These children require more than love, patience and a parent/s. It’s often a good idea for those parenting these children to have a strong support system to confide in, as well as therapeutic resources to refer to.

2. Contact your local Department of Child and Family Services office and inquire about their educational classes that most states require prior to having a home study conducted before you can adopt. Your state may refer to this office as child protective services or child and family services, or some combination of those words. Each state is called something different.

3. Most of the educational classes will take between 4 and 8 weeks to complete (one meeting per week) . Realize right up front that adopting through the state foster care system often goes very slowly. The classes will contain topics such as how to deal with cross-ethnicity, how to parent a child who’s been sexually abused, and many more topics addressing the unique nature of adopting through the state foster care system. Additionally, these sessions will address the ages of children and specific issues that can arise with each age.
Along with classes from the state, I would strongly suggest a visit to a support group for parents who’ve adopted children from the foster care system. This type of group will be an invaluable resource to learn skills and techniques for parenting these special children.

4. Once you’ve completed the required classes (often referred to as MAPP or PRIDE classes, depending on which part of the nation you live in), a caseworker will be assigned to conduct your home study as well as help you in networking to find a an adoptable child through the foster care system. A state foster-to-adopt home study is free of charge as is adoption through the foster care system. Additionally, when/if you receive a child/baby through the foster care system, the child will usually receive a state Medicaid card to pay for medical expenses.

5. Realize that once you’ve completed your home study with the state foster care system, that home study cannot be used for a private adoption situation. While some agencies/attorneys will use the state foster-to-adopt home study as a guide to create a new home study for a private situation, very rarely would the state study be acceptable for a private agency.

6. Once you’ve completed all of the necessary paperwork, fingerprints, background clearances, and have a completed home study through the state, there are other ways to network to find your child. Many organizations are set up, free of charge to your state agency and you, in the hopes of finding families for adoptable children throughout the 50 states.

Adopt America Network
Dave Thomas Foundation
AdoptUS Kids
Each state has it’s own website for children as well:

http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/waiting/photolists.html

I hope these suggestions can help. Additional information can also be found by visiting our Adoption Questions and Information forums at Forever Parents.

Written by Linny

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What type of infant you’re hoping to adopt will most certainly make considerable difference in what you will pay. Always remember that adoption IS a business…as much as many of us hate to admit this. With that knowledge, hopeful adoptive couples can be prepared to realize adoption agencies/attorneys also run their businesses in order TO make money (some more than others). Who *you* conduct business with will make all the difference in the world.

First, if you’re looking to adopt an infant through an agency or attorney who’ll do the searching for you within the United States, be prepared to do some research and understand this VERY important point:

There are always exceptions to the rules.

Following is a listing with some of the basic adoption expenses for adoptive couples. Keep in mind this is a generalization. As I mentioned earlier, remember that adoption is a business; that the type of adoption you’re hoping for will impact how much you’ll pay; and most importantly, there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rules when considering the cost of adoption in the United States.

The Private’ Homestudy: A document prepared by a recognized agent/agency in your home state that gives detailed account of your life and those who live with you; your values, beliefs on many topics, your community, education and expectations of raising a child. This is generally done through home visits and interviews with you, your significant other, any children already in the home and oftentimes, interviews with both adults and/or existing children in the home. Generally, personal and work-related references are required. Sometimes, references from a pastor are required as well.
Cost: Approximately $1,000.00 – 2,000.00

Your home study must be completed before you’ll be allowed to adopt at all. I’m told that some states allow the completion of a home study AFTER a baby/child has been placed into your home—especially if an independent adoption is being performed….but this varies incredibly state to state.

An Adoption Attorney: If you’re going through an adoption attorney, it’s often recommended to consult and hire one that belongs to The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (or Quad A attorneys). A Quad A member can be found at this website: http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/ While there are other adoption attorneys who can conduct an adoption, Quad A attorneys are to uphold a high standard of ethics and up-to-date-knowledge concerning adoption law. In my opinion, hiring a Quad A attorney is one more assurance that the adoption will/should be done in an ethical and legal manner.
An Estimation for legal services will also depend on whether the attorney is networking for adoptive parents in seeking out potential expectant women considering adoption, working with an agency directly or in-directly, or simply conducting the legal adoption paperwork once a baby has already been placed with the adoptive parents.
Estimated Cost when networking as well as conducting legal work: $ 5,000.-$10,000.
Estimated Cost when networking, child placement fees and legal work for the adoption: $ 10,000 and up.

The Adoption Agency: A entity licensed by the state that’s recognized to legally place a child with a home studied and approved-to-adopt family. Some agencies will contract out to have home studies conducted; others often have their own caseworkers who conduct the home study process. An adoption agency should be one the adoptive family feels completely comfortable with. The agency is sometimes ‘not-for-profit’; ‘for-profit’, and sometimes affiliated with a certain religious faith. (Note: Not all religiously affiliated agencies require their clients to be members of that particular sect of faith: For instance, Catholic Charities will work with non-Catholic persons.)

Adoption Agencies often network with other agencies and attorneys to find potential expectant women/couples who are considering adoption. Each agency is as individual as could be imagined. Each agency has their own specific requirements, fees, and times in which to collect those fees. Fees charged for home studies are often separate fees from those of ‘child placement, post-placement visits and other expenses.

For instance, (assuming you already have a home study conducted) some agencies will ask for initial money to ‘register’ with them. (Fees can range from $150.00 to $500 and beyond.)
Then, if you’re into their program and willing to “Match”—pre-birth with an expectant woman, monies might be asked at that time. (Fees can range from $0 – $10,000.)
And then, should the expectant woman continue through with her adoption plan, the balance of the entire adoption will be required once the baby is born and releases for adoption have been signed.
Generally, an ethical adoption agency will charge anywhere from $5,000.- 15,000 in child placement fees. This does not include the cost of the home study, any possible expenses to the birthmother, any possible medical expenses or post-placement visits once the baby has been placed in your home.

The Post-Placement Visit: Once you have a baby/child placed in your home, states require the supervising agency to conduct post-placement visits to see how the baby and your family are adjusting to each other. The amount of visits is determined by your agency as well as the state in which you reside. Additionally, if you live outside of the pre-determined area of the agency, you’re often charged for mileage.
Usually, expect anywhere from 1-4 visits.
Estimated fee for *each* post-placement visit: $150-250.

At this point, you might be wondering why there’s such a vast range in fees. In this article , I’ve only skimmed the surface relating to the expenses for adopting a baby from an adoption agency or attorney within the United States. In a following article, I’ll write about the different variables that can easily change the amount of money a family can spend to adopt.

Written by Linny

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Children who have waited in the Foster system have a traumatic past. That past involved the state trying to reunify the family under hardship circumstances until it became clear that keeping the biological family together was not in the child’s best interests. Any child, no matter how young, who has a traumatic past will bring the dynamics of that past to your home. They will react to their past in a myriad of ways, and they will act out what was done to them upon any younger children in your home. Having a huge heart and open arms, ready to love these children is not enough. There are required classes in raising hurt children. There is required reading. It would be necessary to network yourselves with specialists, counselors, other adoptive families, educational professionals: all people who will listen, offer help when you need it, and stand up for you should a hurt child make false allegations against you.

It is not the least expensive way to adopt even though the adoption process itself is free. The people who successfully raise children from the System have battle scars, but the victories are sweet. Baby steps. Increments of positive behaviors and constructive growth. These children need structure, need to know that you’ll be there in the long haul when they’ve taken out all their frustrations on you. They will test you repeatedly. It’s not for the weak of heart. You will earn their trust, earn their respect. It has been said that it takes the entire age of the child when first entering your home, to undo the problems of the past so that the child, or by that time, adult, can move forward.

If you feel that you are that special kind of preadoptive parent who can take on these issues, you will undergo training and have an extensive homestudy done. The homestudy for these children is necessarily more invasive in order to prevent these kids from further emotional or situational trauma. You may be required to obtain a Foster license if any children placed in your home are not legally free for adoption. This happens especially with very young children as the reunification process is undertaken. Emotionally, you have to be the kind of person who can love a child unconditionally but accept that the intent of Foster Care is reunification with the biological family. Your home will need to pass a safety checklist such as hand railings, fire escape, and water quality. It may be requested that these children be the youngest in the home and that an adult is at home all day. There will be child-specific considerations as well. These children are considered special needs. Their medical and psychological needs will be more significant than that of others.

Contact of some kind with birth relatives is becoming standard with domestic infant adoption. It can also occur with waiting children. They may have siblings and relatives with whom they have attached, but who are unable to raise them.

While waiting children are identified prior to adoption through photolistings, mailings by your state appointed social worker, or through notebooks kept at your state’s Human Services offices, private newborn adoption occurs after an expectant mother considering adoption chooses your profile out of many at your agency. A match is made after you have agreed to the circumstances of the situation, the medical records, and the birthmother’s level of contact desired.

Your profile consists of photos of you, your family members, your home, perhaps your closest friends, what you like to do, your town, school etc. There are printed along with written information underneath, and the sheets are then protected with clear covers, put in a binder, and attractively presented. You will need to make about 5-6 of these for your agency to share. Expectant mothers considering adoption will look for things about your family which they like. The choices are as individual as the women. This profile is where you can present yourself, your beliefs, and what matters to you.

People seeking to adopt newborns also undergo a home study, which is written after several meetings with a caseworker both at her office and in your home. You’ll have references and a doctor’s statement, among other things. There will also be an application to adopt through that agency. Unless you are seeking to adopt a child with special needs (and you will be asked many questions as to what your comfort level is with regard to a baby’s health and exposure in utero to various things), specific details as to how you would care for a child with those special considerations would not be asked of you. Your home study would identify that you are approved to adopt a certain age, sex, etc. child. You will be asked to read a few books on adoptive parenting, and maybe discuss one of them with the caseworker. Reading is encouraged by all forms of adoption. The more that you know, the more informed that you are, the better equipped you will be to undertake this amazing responsibility of being an adoptive parent.

Written by Keadie

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“Maybe not exactly what your asking, but my dh and I each had bio children from previous relationships. We never even discussed trying for babies with each other, and actually took measures against it. For some reason, both of us felt drawn to adopt older kids for “our” kids.”

“We did not try to conceive before we adopted, (or ever). Our oldest son was our foster son, and we were called right after his adoption was finalized to see if we were interested in putting in our home study for our youngest. We weren’t even looking to adopt either time, we’ve just been absolutely blessed!”

“I felt very early on, in childhood, that I wanted to adopt. When my husband and I met and dated, we knew before we ever married that adoption would be more important for us than giving birth. We were both of the opinion that the earth certainly had enough inhabitants already; and there were many babies/children who needed parents.

After being married for a couple of years, we had a ‘scare’ of thinking we were pregnant (totally unplanned). It turned out that I wasn’t, but it brought our minds into thinking of having children within the coming years (rather than waiting longer); and before we’d ever have an unplanned pregnancy again, we started the paperwork for genetic testing. (We felt passing on possible traits within our family tree was very unfair, and we wanted to know the odds of doing so.) It was also a way to make us feel more committed to adoption and having the justification to prove it, if necessary.

We filled out endless papers for the testing; were given an appointment; but before we could attend that appointment, we were sent orders to move overseas and we canceled the appointment. Once we received orders, we felt this was the best time to try to adopt, and made this clear to friends and relatives before we moved to Japan.

Once there, we soon saw the only adoption agency on the island (Okinawa) and were told they would start our homestudy, but needed to wait a couple of more months to be officially married for three years. (Requirement of the agency). Not only did we have the endless questions and papers to fill out; but we also had to hold an appointment with an MD to ‘justify’ our reasons to adopt, rather than give birth!!!! We had to actually ask the MD what were the chances of passing on genes we felt were inferior…and this, we did. He told us that even though we didn’t have these actual diseases, the chances were actually 50/50.
We were thrilled to have this comment, had him write this on the paperwork supplied by the agency, and were finally allowed to submit our homestudy to Korea.

On more than one occasion, we’ve been required and asked to explain our ‘wanting to adopt, rather than give birth’ to an agency. We’ve always felt this was ridiculously rude and insensitive that we should have to ‘justify’ our desire to NOT want to further populate the earth and/or pass on genetic traits we felt were unfair to pass on to future generations!!

To be sure we wouldn’t ‘birth’, we made provisions to ‘guarantee’ this. After our second child (baby) was adopted, we sought out the military to perform (sterilization). The Air Force refused, stating that they felt we were too young to decide this. However, during a ‘leave’ to the USA, dh’s childhood general physician agreed to perform the procedure and it was done.

The only time I have ever felt giving birth would have been more beneficial, was when I became totally frustrated with the waiting process…realizing that getting pregnant is usually much faster—-AND easier! (BTW….dh has NEVER felt giving birth would have been better!)

That’s our story of adoption being our first choice in a nutshell. It’s been over 26yrs that we made that choice and we’ve not regretted it.”

If you have also chosen adoption as your first option, please tell us about it in the comment section.

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The Reluctant Spouse:
Don’t be surprised if your mate resists adoption even as you’re embracing it.
By Jill Smolowe

It had been a long haul to convince my husband to start a family. When biology failed us, he felt the subject of children was closed. By then past 50, Joe was not interested in raising a child whom he inelegantly described as someone else’s kid. That was before we went to China in January 1995 and held an adorable, alert seven-month-old girl, who cast her spell over Joe in about five minutes flat. By the time we got home two weeks later, Joe was undeniably, smittenly, inalterably Beckys father.

Now that theres a happy ending, Joe and I can laugh about some of our more heated debates, and share our experiences with other couples who are thinking about or pursuing adoption. But when we were in the midst of the decision-making process, I thought Joe and I were a seriously defective marital unit.

At the time, nobody I knew had a spouse so reluctant about children in general, and adoption in particular. Why couldn’t we get it together? It should not be this hard, I told myself, even as I persevered. What is wrong with us? Everybody else manages to have kids without all this sturm and drang.

Or so I thought, until I published an account that spoke candidly of the stresses that the long journey to parenthood had put on our marriage. Suddenly, total strangers opened up to us. And, lo! I discovered that Joe and I were not unique. Perhaps not even unusual. Many, many couples, we learned, had been or currently are deeply divided over the issue of adoption.

By that, I don’t mean the sort of frustrations that draw appreciative laughs from an adoption audience. (Say, shes got her birth certificate in hand for the home study, while he hasn’t sent away for his yet.) Rather, I mean bone marrow deep differences that, as happened in my case, can put a marriage on the line. I mean differences so fundamental that some marriages bust up as a result.

Sadly, such couples often struggle in isolation, when some empathy and support, particularly from other adoptive couples who have worked through their differences, might ease the strain. Often, fear of the unknown stands in the way, says Jan Garten, a Manhattan marriage therapist who counsels many couples divided about adoption. Its good to talk to people who have gone through the process.

The toughest decision, of course, is the first: Will we adopt, or wont we? Marriage counselors, adoption specialists, and social workers agree that when a couple is not in lockstep, its usually the wife who wants to proceed, and the husband who doesn’t. (Anecdotal evidence suggests that reluctant men are often ambivalent about adoption, but resistant women tend to be inflexible.)

Some adoption experts maintain that its wrong to press ahead with an adoption before a reluctant spouse is fully on board. They argue that before launching a search, a couple needs not only to confront, but sort out and resolve all uncertainties, ambivalences, and concerns about adoption.

For many couples, though, you might as well ask them to foresee and figure out the rest of their lives. Why? Consider the range of concerns that fuel reluctance:
Age. (Am I too old to be a parent? Will I have enough energy? Enough patience? Enough love?)
Money. (How can I save for a college education when I need to save for retirement? Will an adoption eat up all my savings? Will we ever get to take a vacation again?)
Time. (Will a child be too disruptive? Will I have to curb my work hours? Do I want to?)
Family. (Will my parents reject an adopted child? Will my children from a prior marriage resent me for starting a new family? Will I make the same parenting mistakes again?)
The unknown. (Who will the child be? What genetic surprises might be in store? Will I be able to love an adopted child as much as a biological one?)

Such questions are important, legitimate and often unanswerable until a couple is actually living the changes a child brings. They reflect the reluctant spouses focus on what may be lost: financial security, spousal attention, uninterrupted work time, a biological connection. Until the spouse experiences the benefits that come with parenting, there is essentially nothing to mitigate those fears.

Even after a spouse agrees reluctantly to move forward, there may be backsliding. This is understandable when you contrast a pregnancy with the adoption process. Typically, a pregnancy is a fait accompli that gives a reluctant spouse nine months to ease into the idea of parenthood. Greeted with joy and excitement by friends and relatives, a pregnancy tends to inspire questions like: Do you know if its a boy or girl? Have you picked a name? How much time do you plan to take off from work?

Now, consider the kinds of issues that couples are forced to confront during the adoption process. What age child do you want? What sex? What health condition? What ethnicity? What race? How much contact do you want with birthparents? How do you plan to raise this child? How will you speak of adoption to him? What role will the childs ethnic heritage play in her life? How will you cope with an emotional or physical disability? What will you do if your relatives don’t embrace this child? And that doesn’t even begin to touch on the procedural aspects. Lawyer or agency? Public or private? Open or closed? Domestic or overseas?

Such questions not only thrust the issue of baby at a reluctant spouse over and over, but demand repeatedly that he opt in or out. In essence, the process requires that he try to envision the child’s entire upbringing at a time when he might prefer not to think about children at all.

The upside is that this insistent probing gives adoptive couples a rigorous preparation for parenting that the biological route rarely affords. The downside is that every new question and issue risks reigniting or ratcheting up a reluctant spouses resistance. My own husband signed on and off to adoption so often that by the time we boarded the plane for China, neither one of us could have said for certain whether he would stick around after we returned home.

He did.

In fact, the man who for years had insisted that he was too old, too busy, too uninterested in kids, is a wonderful, involved father who resents even the occasional business trip that keeps him from tucking Becky in at night. These days when a call comes in from a distressed couple, Joe gets on the phone with the reluctant spouse sometimes, literally, for hours. He listens. He empathizes and commiserates. He reassures them that their fears and concerns are legitimate. Then, ever so subtly, he encourages them to take the plunge.

Jill Smolowe, an adoptive parent, is a journalist and the author of An Empty Lap (Pocket Books). She lives in New Jersey with her husband, Joe Treen, and with their daughter, Becky.

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Adoption Options At-a-Glance : A Companion Guide for Families
Year Published: 2003

This guide focuses on one way to think about how choices in adoption may flow from one another:

There are two types of adoption: domestic and intercountry.

Domestic Adoption:

Agency Oversight: Agency oversight varies from licensed and accredited agencies to unregulated facilitators.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Children are legally freed for adoption either through voluntary relinquishment or involuntary termination of the parental rights of their birth parents.

Child Characteristics: Every age child is available, including sibling groups of multiple ages. Children may be healthy or may have special physical or mental health needs.

Cost: Cost ranges from free or very little to $40,000 or more.

Potential Wait: Waits can be unpredictable and range from very short to 2 years or more.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Adoptive parent characteristics sought by birth parents vary. Specific characteristics have been found common to successful adoptive parents of children from foster care.

Post-Placement Support: Post-placement support varies from none to a wide array of services.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: The more “open” the adoption, the more potential access to a child’s birth family history.

Intercountry Adoption

Agency Oversight: Agencies facilitating intercountry adoptions must adhere to U.S. State and Federal regulations and regulations of the child’s country of origin.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): For immigration purposes, children must be considered “orphans” to be adopted.

Child Characteristics: Depending on the country, children available for adoption may include infants, school-aged children, sibling groups, and those with special needs due to parental substance abuse, poverty, or institutionalization.

Cost: Costs range from $7,000 to $30,000 or more, depending on the country and number of trips required.

Potential Wait: Waits vary depending on the country. Some countries are able to predict time from “matching” to “placement” so families can plan their lives accordingly.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Requirements for adoptive parents are country-specific regarding age, marital status, background, number of children in family, and other characteristics.

Post-Placement Support: Post-placement support ranges from none, to post-placement visits and required reports to the child’s country of origin, to country-specific adoptive parent support groups.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Agency oversight varies from licensed and accredited agencies to unregulated facilitators.

If we adopt domestically, what type of adoption is best for our family?

Two types of domestic adoption are domestic infant adoption and foster care adoption.

Domestic Infant Adoption

Agency Oversight: Oversight varies from accredited and licensed agencies to unregulated facilitators.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Most domestic infant adoptions are voluntary on the part of birth parents.

Child Characteristics: Health status of domestic infants can vary greatly depending on prenatal care, substance abuse, genetics, etc.

Cost: Costs range from $5,000 to $40,000 or more depending on the agency or facilitator and State laws regarding allowable expenses.

Potential Wait: Wait varies greatly depending on the kind of child a family is looking for, timing of the family’s home study documents and child’s need, and birth parents’ choices of adoptive parents.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Agencies may have specific requirements regarding faith (if a faith-based agency), age, marital status, or other characteristics.

Post-Placement Support: Post-adoption support varies greatly from none to support groups for families and children.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Many adoptions involve some level of contact between birth and adoptive families. Access to history varies greatly depending on the situation and type of agency or facilitator.

Foster Care Adoption

Agency Oversight: Foster care adoptions can occur through public social service agencies (overseen by the State) or licensed private agencies (must meet State licensing standards and may be accredited).

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Most children are freed for adoption by the involuntary termination of their birth parents’ rights. Each State has its own Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) law.

Child Characteristics: Most children in foster care are older children or sibling groups of different ages. The average age of a waiting child is over 8 years old.

Cost: Foster care adoption may be free or involve minimal fees, such as attorney costs, which can often be reimbursed.Federal or State adoption subsidies may also be available depending on the child’s special needs.

Potential Wait: The wait for placement of children from foster care varies greatly depending on the type of child(ren) the family hopes to adopt and the family’s ability to meet the child(ren)’s needs.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Qualities of families who successfully adopt children from the foster care system include flexible expectations and a tolerance for rejection.

Post-Placement Support: Post-adoption support may include Federal or State adoption subsidies, foster/adoptive parent support groups, respite care, individual or family therapy, and other services.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Potential birth parent involvement varies from none to regular contact with the birth family (if in child’s best interest).Agencies generally share all they know regarding a child’s birth family history.

If we choose domestic infant adoption, who will assist our family?

Professionals who assist families with domestic infant adoption include licensed private agencies, independent attorneys, and facilitated/unlicensed agencies.

Licensed Private Agency Adoption

Agency Oversight: Licensed agencies must meet State or other licensing standards.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Varies by State and type of adoption. Agencies must have surrenders and/or termination of parental rights for both the birth mother and father.

Child Characteristics: Licensed private agencies may place domestic infants, children in foster care, orchildren from other countries.

Cost: Generally the expenses are predictable and will be known up front. Cost ranges from nothing to $40,000 or more.

Potential Wait: The wait for a child varies greatly; intercountry adoptions may have more “predictable” waiting periods.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Adoptive parent characteristics vary depending on the type of adoption and child requested.

Post-Placement Support: Post-adoption support varies depending on the region, agency resources, type of adoption, and needs of the child.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: The “openness” of the adoption varies by agency, type of adoption, and preferences of all involved.

Independent (Attorney) Adoption

Agency Oversight: Independent adoptions generally do not involve as much oversight as adoptions with licensed agencies. They must comply with State laws and regulations (not all States allow for this type of adoption). Assisting attorneys must adhere to the standards of the State’s Bar Association.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Generally voluntary relinquishments by birth mothers and/or birth fathers. Situations will vary by laws of the involved States.

Child Characteristics: Characteristics of children placed independently can vary greatly due to prenatal care and genetics.

Cost: Costs can be unpredictable but generally average between $10,000 and $15,000. State law regulates allowable expenses (e.g., birth mother’s medical care).

Potential Wait: Time to find a potential match and have a child placed is unpredictable and may be shorter or longer than a wait for an infant placement through a licensed private agency.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Since expectant parents choose a family, adoptive parents’ characteristics depend on individual expectant or birth parent’s wishes.

Post-Placement Support: Post-placement support varies depending on the region and the child’s needs.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Birth and adoptive families have direct contact with one another, often allowing for exchange of medical and family history.

Facilitated/Unlicensed Agency Adoption

Agency Oversight: This type of adoption involves the least amount of oversight. Some States regulate facilitators, while in other States anyone can declare themselves to be an “adoption facilitator.”

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Generally voluntary relinquishments by birth mothers and/or birth fathers. Situations will vary by laws of the involved States.

Child Characteristics: The health status of domestic infants vary greatly, as with any newborn, due to prenatal care, genetics, etc.

Cost: Expenses are regulated by State law but can still be unpredictable. Facilitated adoptions can cost as much or more than licensed private agency adoptions.

Potential Wait: The wait can vary tremendously depending on the situation and involved parties.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Since expectant parents often choose a family through a facilitator, adoptive parents’ age and other characteristics will depend a great deal on the individual expectant or birth parents’ wishes.

Post-Placement Support: Post-placement services vary depending on the region, agency resources, and the child’s needs.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Birth parent involvement and access to the child’s family history vary depending on the facilitator and the wishes of involved parties.

National Adoption Information Clearinghouse.

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