Florida’s Adoption Ban is the only law in the country that categorically prohibits gay men and lesbians from adopting children. This discriminatory law hurts thousands of children who are languishing in Florida’s foster care system by denying them a permanent home.

The American Civil Liberties Union of Florida is proud to announce that Cynthia Nixon, Sex and the City star and LGBT rights advocate, will join us on Saturday, January 9, 2010 to kick off the ACLU’s three-year campaign to end Florida’s ban on adoption by gay and lesbian people.

The event, to be held poolside at South Beach’s luxurious Shore Club, will begin with a VIP reception at 7:15 p.m., followed by a press line, and the main event at 8:30 p.m. Further details on the press line will be available the first week of January. Details and tickets are available at www.aclufl.org/adoption

WHAT:
ACLU Adoption Campaign Kick-Off

WHEN:
Saturday, Jan. 9, 2010

WHERE:
Shore Club | 1901 Collins Ave., Miami Beach

WHO:
Cynthia Nixon
U.S. Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen
Florida Senator Nan Rich
Florida Representative Mary Brandenburg
Howard Simon, ACLU of Florida Executive Director
Robert Rosenwald, ACLU-FL LGBT Advocacy Project Director
Martin Gill, ACLU plaintiff, father of two foster children for five years

The ACLU of Florida’s LGBT Advocacy Project and national ACLU LGBT Project sued the state on behalf of a North Miami man and two brothers who he had been fostering at the state’s request for four years – the only stable home the children have ever known. In a landmark November 2008 decision, a Miami judge ruled that the two boys, now ages five and nine, can remain with the adoptive father, who is gay. The State appealed to the Third District Court of Appeals, where the case has been argued. We are currently awaiting the court’s opinion.

In July 2009, The Tides Foundation’s State Equality Fund awarded a $240,000 grant to the American Civil Liberties Union Foundation of Florida’s Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (LGBT) Advocacy Project to fund a three-year public education and outreach campaign.

In addition, the John C. Graves Charitable Fund of the Community Foundation of Broward has provided a quarter of a million dollars to support the ACLU of Florida’s LGBT rights work since 2005, including the initial grant that seeded the LGBT Advocacy Project. Other significant support has come from The GLBT Community Projects Fund at Dade Community Foundation, and the Scott Opler Foundation. The ACLU’s Campaign to End Florida’s Adoption Ban is designed to support the ACLU’s lawsuit challenging the adoption ban by educating Floridians about the adoption ban and the negative impact it has on Florida’s children and families.

CONTACT:
Brandon Hensler, Director of Communications, (786) 363-2737 or media@aclufl.org

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This was submitted by one of our adoption forum members.

My husband and I adopted six children through foster care and have three biological ones. Depending where you live you might have to become a foster parent if you are looking to adopt via the foster care system. In our state, there are subsidized and un-subsidized adoptions, depending on the need. Many times a child who is physically or mentally challenged needs a family and a medical subsidy will keep them on their health insurance when they require various therapy treatments.

All nine of our children have grown into great men and woman. Sure we had our ups and downs, but every family does. The biggest hurdle in my experience was making sure that each child got over the fear of abandonment.

One of my daughters, as she was becoming a young mother herself, was angry at her biological mother and she said, “Mom, how could she have left me like that and not loved me enough”. I said it’s not that she wasn’t loved enough, it can come down to survival, money and the ability to overcome addiction, among other reasons. Several years later that same daughter at her dads (my husband) funeral stood up and spoke. She ended with “He was my dad and he didn’t have to be. He picked me to be his daughter”.

Adoption is one of the greatest gifts given to us, we are so lucky to have been able to expand our family into a very large and happy one through the love of adoption.

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All families change over time. Sometimes a baby is born, or a grown-up gets married. And sometimes a child gets placed in foster care. Children need to know that when this happens, it’s not their fault. When a child gets adopted they need to understand that they can remember and value their birth family and love their new family, too. Straightforward words and full-color illustrations offer hope and support for children facing or experiencing change. This title includes resources (more…)

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DUBLIN, Ohio, July 1, 2009 /PRNewswire-USNewswire via COMTEX/ — The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption announced today a total of $7,750,000 United States grants issued this year, including $7,223,000 from Wendy’s Wonderful Kids, the Foundation’s signature program. In addition, $594,700 was awarded to Wendy’s Wonderful Kids grantees in Canada. The remaining $480,000 in U.S. grants provided critical funds to qualified national organizations aggressively working to move children from foster care into safe, nurturing and permanent adoptive homes.

Wendy’s Wonderful Kids, a signature program of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, began in April 2004 with 7 pilot sites and has grown to 120 grantees, operating in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Canada. The Foundation awards grants to local adoption agencies to hire recruiters and execute aggressive child-focused recruitment programs targeted exclusively on placed foster care children in loving, permanent adoptive families.

“We work very hard to raise funds in partnership with Wendy’s restaurants, distribute them effectively and hold our grantees accountable to achieve our mission of a family for every child,” said the Foundation’s executive director, Rita Soronen. “The investment in our Wendy’s Wonderful Kids program has resulted in the creation of an effective, replicable model to find families for the victims of child abuse and neglect who have been waiting the longest in U.S. foster care. To date, more than 1,000 children have been adopted as a result of the program.”

Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a nonprofit public charity dedicated to dramatically increasing the adoptions of the more than 150,000 children waiting in North America’s foster care systems. Created in 1992 by Wendy’s founder, Dave Thomas, who was adopted as a child, the Foundation works to fulfill its mission by implementing result-driven national signature programs, awareness initiatives and advocacy efforts. The Foundation is driven by the vision that every child needs a permanent home and a loving family. To learn more, call 1-800-ASK-DTFA or visit www.DaveThomasFoundationforAdoption.org.

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I’ve previously blogged about the great relationship we have with our children’s former foster parents. Since we finalized our adoption (2003), we’ve made it a point to see them once or twice a year. My kid’s had other foster parents, besides Pat & Bill, but they lived with this particular couple for the last three (of the four) years.

In the beginning I felt it was important for my children to keep contact because they had so many people who came in and out of their lives in a short time and I wanted them to have a sense of familiarity. It ended up that we really enjoy their company, my kids love them and they love my kids…so it’s a win win situation for all of us.

Here’s a picture from 2007 of Shawna with Pat. This picture was taken at our annual Christmas party. We get together every year with Pat & Bill and also my kid’s former foster brother with his parents.

Also from 2007….that’s my son sitting against the wall.

This is Jacqueline and Bill from our 2008 Christmas party.

This was also from 2008 and is my daughters with their former foster brother (who was adopted the year after mine, by a couple in our area) with HIS biological brother, who his parents just recently adopted. Shawna is holding one of Pat & Bill’s current foster children. Isn’t he just adorable?

What about those of you that adopted through foster care? Do you keep in touch with any of your children’s former foster family?

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Here is the fifth installment of the adoption interviews we’ve been doing with parents who’ve adopted and those who are still in the process. If you’d like to be included, please leave a comment and I’ll send you the information.

This one is from Linny, who is the co-administrator at our adoption forum.

People decide to adopt for many different reasons. What led you to adoption?

As a young child I knew I wanted to adopt. There was one TV commercial that played a lot when I was very young, and that made me really curious about adoption. My feelings that there are already too many people on the planet and many children/babies awaiting parents played a part in this. And finally, knowing that our family had some genetic issues (early onset of severe arthritis, diabetes) I didn’t feel were fair to pass on to biological children, played a part in wanting to adopt and choosing it as a first option.

What type of adoption(s) are you/did you pursue (international, siblings, transracial, open, etc)?

My husband and I adopted from agencies while we lived overseas in Okinawa, Japan. Our first two babies were born in Korea and Japan. Years later, we adopted older children through the foster care system—three CC boys in two separate adoptions. Years after that, we returned to domestic infant adoption and have adopted three AA babies in three separate adoptions over the last six years.

Was it what you had intended to pursue all along? Was the process what you thought it would be?

Adopting internationally was something we took advantage of because we lived overseas. We went with adoption through the foster system, because, frankly, we felt we couldn’t afford to adopt any other way (we were wrong)…and we were always up front about this. We went back to domestic, transracial infant adoption, because we found out that it WAS possible to afford this type of adoption, as well as being totally disenchanted with older child adoption from the problems we encountered. Was it as we expected? The process: Ridiculously long and redundant by having to have tons of homestudies—over the years— by different agencies, that really could have been ‘copied’ to a great degree and simply added to. Was it as we expected? Adoption in general: Older child adoption–never as we had hoped. Mainly ‘nightmarish’ in our experiences. Infant adoption—wonderful.

What obstacles, if any, are you/did you face along the way? How did you overcome them?

Our experiences in older child adoption would take a very long time to write about and explain in entirety. Let’s just say that we were much too gullible in taking the first placement through an agency, and trusted the system far too much. In a nutshell, the first older child was fraudulently presented to us and vital information was withheld from us what would have made a huge difference in our decision to adopt him.

After four years and living with a child that presented dangerous behaviors to himself and others—our first older adopted child went into residential. After three years there, he had to be moved (request of the facility because he was too impulsive and aggressive) to another facility. After three years at the next facility, he was moved to yet, another facility where he resides to this day. He is now an adult and will, at some point, be able to walk out. He has changed in his behaviors–very, very little from the point we knew him at six years of age.

The next two older children lived with us for almost seven years until one decided to engage in very dangerous and illegal behaviors. He was a danger to our other children and was charged, arrested and convicted. We refused to allow him to come back into our home to endanger the younger children. We were prepared to separate our family if need be; in order to keep the younger children safe.

After many months and court battles (and a lot of $$ for our own attorney), the system realized he was dangerous and quite likely to behave this way again. They allowed us to sign him back over; and within one month, he went into a specialized residential facility. The third older child was so traumatized by the actions of the older one, he went to live part time with relatives. This part-time turned into full time and hence, he is adopted by these relatives. We continue to see him frequently and he is doing alright. We overcame the above obstacles with a lot of Faith in the Lord, support from relatives, counselors and friends. The last event (mentioned above) took a real toll that has taken a couple of years to really re-coup.

Do/did you have the support of family and friends during your adoption journey? If not, how did it affect you? If yes, how important was it to you?

Yes, we had support from friends and family—especially with the first two adoptions. In adopting through the system, there were several of each who felt we were taking a big risk (and sadly, they were correct). In deciding to adopt infants again…..our parents were hesitant, thinking we were too old and had been through enough emotionally. However, when we brought our babies home, they were quite happy for us and have been involved with our children.

Generally speaking, if you could change something about adoption or how it is perceived, what would it be and why? Do you think that change will ever come to be?

I think the process is ridiculously redundant. There are a lot of steps that overlap and take too much time. I think once a homestudy is performed by one agency, it is silly for the state to have to completely re-do another, instead of simply updating the material that’s already been written about!
I feel that too many adoptive couples—as well as society at large, believe adoption is ‘less than’ birth. I think our society continues to believe that ‘adoption’ is something that should only be perused once fertility is ruled out. I think this is too narrow minded. And, I believe that some agencies don’t interview and screen their hopeful adoptive couples well enough before allowing them to adopt—especially when the couple chooses to adopt transracially.

Do I think these changes will ever come to be? No. Our society values ‘birth’ too much, having the mindset that ‘when one gives birth, one is automatically a good parent’. This is why the foster care system children languish too long before permanency is found. I also think that too many insurance companies pay for extensive infertility treatments and such; but offer little to nothing for the couple who incur thousands of dollars to adopt. I find this unfair to adoptive couples…and not sure so much $$ should be applied for infertility treatments either.

Finally, I think adoption is too much of a business in money making for the wrong people and wrong reasons. In my thinking, there should/would be no such thing as ‘match money’ from the hopeful adoptive couple. Fees would only be paid for the actual paperwork, no living expenses for any birthparents, and absolutely no money paid until the baby was completely freed for adoption. With this, I think a lot of pressure to birthparents and broken hearts from the same and adoptive couples would be greatly reduced.

As the parent (or parent-to-be) of an adoptee/s, what challenges do you think they will face as they grow up? Will life be easier for them than adoptees before them? How will you help them with any issues that they may face?

Our first baby was adopted over 25yrs ago. Our last baby came to us over six months ago. The conversations, beliefs and feelings are the same. We think any challenges adopted individuals face have a lot to do with the attitudes and feelings the adoptive parents have set before ‘them’ while they were growing up. We’ve always told our children they were adopted long before they could even understand what the word meant. We’ve always told them that when they are adults, they are free to search and seek out to meet any biological connections. We’ve always told them that we will give any assistance to help them connect with these people. And finally, the most spoken phrase and attitude we’ve expressed to our children is that ‘Adoption is just as—if not more special and important—than being birthed.’

Parenting is parenting. Good parenting is good parenting. If a couple perceive adoption as second best, I fear they will treat their adopted children as such. I think if they value and see their adopted child as a child ‘just as important, if not more so, than birthed’….then that child will more than likely grow up to be self-confident and secure concerning their perspective on ‘being adopted’.

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Adoption Options At-a-Glance : A Companion Guide for Families
Year Published: 2003

This guide focuses on one way to think about how choices in adoption may flow from one another:

There are two types of adoption: domestic and intercountry.

Domestic Adoption:

Agency Oversight: Agency oversight varies from licensed and accredited agencies to unregulated facilitators.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Children are legally freed for adoption either through voluntary relinquishment or involuntary termination of the parental rights of their birth parents.

Child Characteristics: Every age child is available, including sibling groups of multiple ages. Children may be healthy or may have special physical or mental health needs.

Cost: Cost ranges from free or very little to $40,000 or more.

Potential Wait: Waits can be unpredictable and range from very short to 2 years or more.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Adoptive parent characteristics sought by birth parents vary. Specific characteristics have been found common to successful adoptive parents of children from foster care.

Post-Placement Support: Post-placement support varies from none to a wide array of services.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: The more “open” the adoption, the more potential access to a child’s birth family history.

Intercountry Adoption

Agency Oversight: Agencies facilitating intercountry adoptions must adhere to U.S. State and Federal regulations and regulations of the child’s country of origin.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): For immigration purposes, children must be considered “orphans” to be adopted.

Child Characteristics: Depending on the country, children available for adoption may include infants, school-aged children, sibling groups, and those with special needs due to parental substance abuse, poverty, or institutionalization.

Cost: Costs range from $7,000 to $30,000 or more, depending on the country and number of trips required.

Potential Wait: Waits vary depending on the country. Some countries are able to predict time from “matching” to “placement” so families can plan their lives accordingly.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Requirements for adoptive parents are country-specific regarding age, marital status, background, number of children in family, and other characteristics.

Post-Placement Support: Post-placement support ranges from none, to post-placement visits and required reports to the child’s country of origin, to country-specific adoptive parent support groups.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Agency oversight varies from licensed and accredited agencies to unregulated facilitators.

If we adopt domestically, what type of adoption is best for our family?

Two types of domestic adoption are domestic infant adoption and foster care adoption.

Domestic Infant Adoption

Agency Oversight: Oversight varies from accredited and licensed agencies to unregulated facilitators.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Most domestic infant adoptions are voluntary on the part of birth parents.

Child Characteristics: Health status of domestic infants can vary greatly depending on prenatal care, substance abuse, genetics, etc.

Cost: Costs range from $5,000 to $40,000 or more depending on the agency or facilitator and State laws regarding allowable expenses.

Potential Wait: Wait varies greatly depending on the kind of child a family is looking for, timing of the family’s home study documents and child’s need, and birth parents’ choices of adoptive parents.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Agencies may have specific requirements regarding faith (if a faith-based agency), age, marital status, or other characteristics.

Post-Placement Support: Post-adoption support varies greatly from none to support groups for families and children.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Many adoptions involve some level of contact between birth and adoptive families. Access to history varies greatly depending on the situation and type of agency or facilitator.

Foster Care Adoption

Agency Oversight: Foster care adoptions can occur through public social service agencies (overseen by the State) or licensed private agencies (must meet State licensing standards and may be accredited).

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Most children are freed for adoption by the involuntary termination of their birth parents’ rights. Each State has its own Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) law.

Child Characteristics: Most children in foster care are older children or sibling groups of different ages. The average age of a waiting child is over 8 years old.

Cost: Foster care adoption may be free or involve minimal fees, such as attorney costs, which can often be reimbursed.Federal or State adoption subsidies may also be available depending on the child’s special needs.

Potential Wait: The wait for placement of children from foster care varies greatly depending on the type of child(ren) the family hopes to adopt and the family’s ability to meet the child(ren)’s needs.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Qualities of families who successfully adopt children from the foster care system include flexible expectations and a tolerance for rejection.

Post-Placement Support: Post-adoption support may include Federal or State adoption subsidies, foster/adoptive parent support groups, respite care, individual or family therapy, and other services.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Potential birth parent involvement varies from none to regular contact with the birth family (if in child’s best interest).Agencies generally share all they know regarding a child’s birth family history.

If we choose domestic infant adoption, who will assist our family?

Professionals who assist families with domestic infant adoption include licensed private agencies, independent attorneys, and facilitated/unlicensed agencies.

Licensed Private Agency Adoption

Agency Oversight: Licensed agencies must meet State or other licensing standards.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Varies by State and type of adoption. Agencies must have surrenders and/or termination of parental rights for both the birth mother and father.

Child Characteristics: Licensed private agencies may place domestic infants, children in foster care, orchildren from other countries.

Cost: Generally the expenses are predictable and will be known up front. Cost ranges from nothing to $40,000 or more.

Potential Wait: The wait for a child varies greatly; intercountry adoptions may have more “predictable” waiting periods.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Adoptive parent characteristics vary depending on the type of adoption and child requested.

Post-Placement Support: Post-adoption support varies depending on the region, agency resources, type of adoption, and needs of the child.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: The “openness” of the adoption varies by agency, type of adoption, and preferences of all involved.

Independent (Attorney) Adoption

Agency Oversight: Independent adoptions generally do not involve as much oversight as adoptions with licensed agencies. They must comply with State laws and regulations (not all States allow for this type of adoption). Assisting attorneys must adhere to the standards of the State’s Bar Association.

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Generally voluntary relinquishments by birth mothers and/or birth fathers. Situations will vary by laws of the involved States.

Child Characteristics: Characteristics of children placed independently can vary greatly due to prenatal care and genetics.

Cost: Costs can be unpredictable but generally average between $10,000 and $15,000. State law regulates allowable expenses (e.g., birth mother’s medical care).

Potential Wait: Time to find a potential match and have a child placed is unpredictable and may be shorter or longer than a wait for an infant placement through a licensed private agency.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Since expectant parents choose a family, adoptive parents’ characteristics depend on individual expectant or birth parent’s wishes.

Post-Placement Support: Post-placement support varies depending on the region and the child’s needs.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Birth and adoptive families have direct contact with one another, often allowing for exchange of medical and family history.

Facilitated/Unlicensed Agency Adoption

Agency Oversight: This type of adoption involves the least amount of oversight. Some States regulate facilitators, while in other States anyone can declare themselves to be an “adoption facilitator.”

Voluntary Surrender or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): Generally voluntary relinquishments by birth mothers and/or birth fathers. Situations will vary by laws of the involved States.

Child Characteristics: The health status of domestic infants vary greatly, as with any newborn, due to prenatal care, genetics, etc.

Cost: Expenses are regulated by State law but can still be unpredictable. Facilitated adoptions can cost as much or more than licensed private agency adoptions.

Potential Wait: The wait can vary tremendously depending on the situation and involved parties.

Adoptive Parent Characteristics: Since expectant parents often choose a family through a facilitator, adoptive parents’ age and other characteristics will depend a great deal on the individual expectant or birth parents’ wishes.

Post-Placement Support: Post-placement services vary depending on the region, agency resources, and the child’s needs.

Potential Birth Parent Involvement/Access to Family History: Birth parent involvement and access to the child’s family history vary depending on the facilitator and the wishes of involved parties.

National Adoption Information Clearinghouse.

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