Debbie Schwartz, program coordinator for Adoption Connection: Jewish Family Services of Greenwich, and a valued member of our adoption forums, is the guest for tonight’s Adoption Angle’s webcast at 9 pm EST /6 pm PST.

Click here to watch live . You can login, watch Debbie, and type in questions and comments for her.
Click here to watch the archived interview (Click on the May 19 episode to watch the 60 minute show).

Some of the topics Debbie hopes to cover tonight are:
• What is Forever Families Weekend and why did I start the program?
• Is there such a thing as a “religion of origin?”
• Is a change of religion from birth family to adoptive family another loss in the adoption experience?
• How does religion factor into the developmental search for identity that EVERY child goes through and that is often more complicated for adoptees?
• Are we, as adults in the adoption community, ignoring something that needs to be addressed?
• Of course, children who join their families through adoption need to be full members of those families, so being raised in their “religion of origin” would create just as many issues as it might solve, so how do we address this? Is it enough just to acknowledge it?
• When we talk with adoptees about ways in which their adoptive and birth families differ, how do we address this issue (with the idea that we need to make that process less emotionally charged)?

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Tuesday’s earthquake has thrown U.S. families trying to bring home their children into a state of uncertainty. Many are finding themselves in a desperate search for answers about how their children, that they are in the process of adopting, are faring. Some fear that paperwork, which can take months or years, may be buried or lost in crumpled buildings, stalling or halting the adoption.

Unlike adoptions in many other countries, where parents learn the identities of their children rather late in the process, Haitian adoptions typically match parents up with children near the beginning. That gives parents the opportunity to travel to Haiti multiple times during the adoption process to spend time with their children and bond with them.

The waiting game had been hard enough before Tuesday’s earthquake, with parents worrying daily about malnourished sons and daughters they had already come to know quite well. But since the earthquake, many have no way of knowing whether their children are alive or dead.

For parents who have gotten word that their children are still alive, the worries are far from over. They’re terrified that food and water supplies will run out for their already compromised kids, and they’re filled with dread that the lengthy and cumbersome adoption process in Haiti is about to become much longer.

The U.S. State Department said that it is working with the Department of Homeland Security to determine how to handle the cases of the 254 Haitian children who are in the process of being adopted into U.S. homes. Adopting parents can send their information, including the names of their children and orphanages, to AskCI@state.gov, so the State Department has a good way to contact parents. Click for more information on the adoption process in Haiti.

For people interested in adopting a Haitian child, the State Department issued the following statement on the issue:

The State Department has received calls from Americans offering to open their homes and adopt Haitian children in need.

It is extremely difficult in circumstances such as this to determine whether children who appear to be orphans are eligible for adoption. Children may be temporarily separated from parents and other family. It is particularly difficult to fulfill the U.S. and local requirements for legal adoption when civil authority is handicapped in its ability ensure the best interests of children and their families have been protected. For now, U.S. citizens can best help the children of Haiti through financial contribution to the relief effort.

Adoptions from Haiti make up a fraction of international adoptions to the United States each year, but the number has been growing steadily as countries such as China and Guatemala have slowed or closed to international adoption in recent years. The U.S. State Department issued 330 immigrant visas to Haitian children last year, up from 96 in 1999.

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When Air Force family Henry and Stephanie Hayes started foster care for children four years ago, they weren’t necessarily looking to adopt. They’re the parents of two birth children and had opened their Montgomery home to 11 foster children over the years. They were content. That is, until they met baby Jaylan.

“He is medically fragile and when we learned that he would not be able to return to his birth parents and that they couldn’t find a home for him, our hearts just broke,” Stephanie Hayes said. It not only broke their hearts, it spurred them to action. The Hayes decided that Jaylan should have a permanent home and they went up to UAB Medical Center to get their son.

Doctors predicted that the now 30-month-old Jaylan wouldn’t make it, but he is thriving under the care of his parents. And they’re enjoying the love that he’s brought to their home. Henry said Jaylan could have never gotten the care that he needed if it weren’t for foster care, and that’s why it’s so important that more people open their homes and become foster parents.

State officials hope more people in Alabama will hear that message and be spurred to action. The state celebrated a milestone of finalizing 676 adoptions in fiscal 2009, more than it has ever had before. Many of the adoptions were by families such as the Hayeses, who were already caring for foster children.

Department of Human Resources Commissioner Nancy Buckner said that creates not only a need for more families willing to adopt, but more families willing to provide foster care for children. There are 650 children in foster care who are waiting for their adoptions to be finalized, and there are more than 250 children waiting for someone to step forward and say that they will adopt a child.

“We are spreading the message that there is an urgency for permanency,” Buckner said. It’s a message that Laura Murdock and Mary Williams, both of Montgomery, heeded. Murdock provided foster care for two little boys and when they became eligible for adoption, she said it was the best decision for everyone. The boys had been back and forth between her home and that of a family member’s, and she wanted them with her forever. “I’d had them off and on since they were little,” she said. “We just fell in love with each other and that was it.”

Williams said being a foster parent is one of the best decisions that she ever made. Back in 2002 she opened her home to four siblings, and when they became eligible for adoption she jumped at the chance to give them a permanent home. Those children are now 18, 16 and the twins are 15, and Williams said she’s ready to start all over again. “They’ve brought a lot of joy to my life and they’ve just been a wonderful blessing,” she said.

To learn more about foster care or adoptions in the state of Alabama, call 1-800-4AL-KIDS. or visit their site.

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Florida’s Adoption Ban is the only law in the country that categorically prohibits gay men and lesbians from adopting children. This discriminatory law hurts thousands of children who are languishing in Florida’s foster care system by denying them a permanent home.

The American Civil Liberties Union of Florida is proud to announce that Cynthia Nixon, Sex and the City star and LGBT rights advocate, will join us on Saturday, January 9, 2010 to kick off the ACLU’s three-year campaign to end Florida’s ban on adoption by gay and lesbian people.

The event, to be held poolside at South Beach’s luxurious Shore Club, will begin with a VIP reception at 7:15 p.m., followed by a press line, and the main event at 8:30 p.m. Further details on the press line will be available the first week of January. Details and tickets are available at www.aclufl.org/adoption

WHAT:
ACLU Adoption Campaign Kick-Off

WHEN:
Saturday, Jan. 9, 2010

WHERE:
Shore Club | 1901 Collins Ave., Miami Beach

WHO:
Cynthia Nixon
U.S. Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen
Florida Senator Nan Rich
Florida Representative Mary Brandenburg
Howard Simon, ACLU of Florida Executive Director
Robert Rosenwald, ACLU-FL LGBT Advocacy Project Director
Martin Gill, ACLU plaintiff, father of two foster children for five years

The ACLU of Florida’s LGBT Advocacy Project and national ACLU LGBT Project sued the state on behalf of a North Miami man and two brothers who he had been fostering at the state’s request for four years – the only stable home the children have ever known. In a landmark November 2008 decision, a Miami judge ruled that the two boys, now ages five and nine, can remain with the adoptive father, who is gay. The State appealed to the Third District Court of Appeals, where the case has been argued. We are currently awaiting the court’s opinion.

In July 2009, The Tides Foundation’s State Equality Fund awarded a $240,000 grant to the American Civil Liberties Union Foundation of Florida’s Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (LGBT) Advocacy Project to fund a three-year public education and outreach campaign.

In addition, the John C. Graves Charitable Fund of the Community Foundation of Broward has provided a quarter of a million dollars to support the ACLU of Florida’s LGBT rights work since 2005, including the initial grant that seeded the LGBT Advocacy Project. Other significant support has come from The GLBT Community Projects Fund at Dade Community Foundation, and the Scott Opler Foundation. The ACLU’s Campaign to End Florida’s Adoption Ban is designed to support the ACLU’s lawsuit challenging the adoption ban by educating Floridians about the adoption ban and the negative impact it has on Florida’s children and families.

CONTACT:
Brandon Hensler, Director of Communications, (786) 363-2737 or media@aclufl.org

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Popular author-illustrator Parr illustrates the rewards of family ties in this heartfelt, supportive book geared toward adopted children and their parents. In each double-page spread, Parr completes the phrase “We belong together because . . .” with poignant explanations that touch upon basic, tangible needs (“You needed a home . . . and I had one to share”) as well as emotional ones: “You needed someone to say ‘I love you’ . . . and we had love to give. Now we all have someone to kiss goodnight.” As in Parr’s The Family Book (2003), cheerful, friendly artwork, with thickly outlined forms and characters and a bold rainbow palette, inclusively depicts an array of children and families—including one with a single parent and one with two dads—and emphasizes the rewards of adoption for adults and children alike. Apart from the subtitle, the text never uses the word adoption nor refers to the adoption process, keeping the focus squarely on the universal joys of sharing hearth and heart. (more…)

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As the parent of three children that we adopted through foster care, please watch A Home For The Holidays with your family this holiday season.

A Home For The Holidays shares, through the eyes of a child, the joy of having a family – not just for the holidays, but every day and forever. Each December, Wendy’s International, Inc., the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and Children’s Action Network present A Home for the Holidays, a CBS network television special bringing together all-star talent to raise awareness for foster care adoption.

In its 11th year, the special will feature Faith Hill and include performances by Carrie Underwood, Mary J. Blige, Reba McEntire, Michael Franti and Shakira.
Nia Vardolos and Jenna Elfman are among the celebrities who will present inspirational stories of extraordinary families who share the joys found through foster care adoption.

Since 1999, this heartwarming holiday special has generated tens of thousands of calls to the Foundation from viewers moved to action after hearing true stories of waiting children and families who adopted from foster care.

A Home for the Holidays
Celebrating families who adopt and the children in foster care who still wait.
December 23, 2009
8:00 – 9:00 p.m. EST/PST
7:00 – 8:00 p.m. MST/CST

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I know many couples come to adoption after being involved in fertility treatments. What about those, like myself, who decided to adopt before exploring other options? Tell us about your experience in the comment section. Here’s what some of our adoption forums members had to say;

“Years ago I was in a serious relationship with someone who, for political reasons, felt very strongly that he would never want to bring a child into this world when there were already so many children who needed families. I really thought I might marry this man, but I had always thought I would have children the “old-fashioned” way. In the end, our relationship didn’t survive (not because of this issue), but not before I had reached the conclusion that I could happily adopt a child someday.

My husband and I did not do anything to prevent pregnancy, but when it didn’t happen on its own, we moved directly to adoption, without pursuing any types of infertility treatment. We knew right away that our goal was to become parents – not pregnant – and adoption was an easy decision with that in mind.”

“I am a single parent. But even as a child, I was drawn to the idea of adoption. As soon as I began thinking of having a family, I always thought of adoption. I might have earlier thought of blending birth children and adopted children when I still thought I might marry.”

“I’ve always thought of adopting, but when I got married it wasn’t the first idea that came to mind in terms of forming our family. Then I gave birth to two kids, and that was wonderful. However, I’ve always thought three was the perfect number of children (maybe because there are three siblings in my family), and my husband and I had always agreed that it would be hard to justify bringing more than two kids into the world when it is already overpopulated, and considering that there are plenty of kids already out there without families. So when we decided not to have any more children by birth, we told ourselves that it didn’t mean “no more children at all.” And then, eventually, we decided to talk seriously about adoption, and one thing led to another…and here we are, expectant adopting parents of a four year old girl!

Another factor is knowing quite a few people in my immediate circle who have adopted–and adopted in a variety of configurations and ways (lesbian couple doing domestic adoption, single parent adopting internationally, hetero couple adopting internationally, “biracial” family doing transracial domestic adoption…) So we have had lots of vicarious experience to reinforce our initial inclination toward adoption.

I was also privileged to share closely in another person’s international adoption experience when I accompanied them overseas as a “support person” for the adoption. It was amazing to witness and be part of that process, even from the sidelines. I felt very strongly as I watched: “wow, giving birth was amazing, and this is also amazing, and I wish I could do this, too.” I feel extremely lucky because it seems I am going to have my wish.”

“As a child, my “fantasy” was not being a wife and mother, but being a mother with marriage as an afterthought. As I became a teenager I was made aware of different types of “orphans”…and began to solidify that I wanted to adopt when older no matter if I was single or married.

I was in a couple of relationships in my 20s and these guys didn’t want to adopt so I figured I would marry and have children like most people do. When these relationships didn’t end up in marriage I focused on eliminating my student loan debt and buying a home. When I completed that, I came to the realization that there is no perfect time to have children and that I could provide for a child, so adoption was an easy decision after that.

Now I’m just in the middle and although waiting is tough, I haven’t regretted my decision to date.”

“I always wanted to be a Father. From about the age of 12 I remembered telling people I was going to adopt and they laughed at me saying I will “want my own” child(ren) when I am old enough to know. Years have passed and I still want to adopt. My wife was on board for it as well. We know that fertility would be an issue for us and would require medical intervention if it was at all possible but we haven’t even bothered to try because we both agree that adoption is the only option for our family. People ask if we feel like we are missing out and we can genuinely say we don’t. The only time we think of having biological children is when we are sick of the wait but we know just because someone gets pregnant unfortunately does not equal a baby after the 9 months of waiting. I had a friend whose wife carried a baby full term when she delivered the baby was stillborn we were all devastated.
With that said we know adoption is our first and only real option.”

“When my second husband and I did not get pregnant (likely due to my age, he’s 10 yrs younger), we did not hesitate to call an adoption agency and get the ball rolling. There was no need for infertility clinics (and my doctor still felt at my age that it was a consideration). Adoption was never a “second choice” for our family. As an interracial couple, we knew there would be doors open for us and there certainly were as we went on to adopt 4 children. Although I had parented previously, my husband had not. But he says that with all of his heart, there is no way he ever looks back and wishes we could have had a biological child. Our 4 children are ours in every way possible and we are so very blessed!”

Continue on to Adoption As A First Option (pt.2)

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We all hear about baby showers for expecting parents, but what about for adopting parents? An adoption baby shower is more than acceptable – it’s encouraged! Adopting parents have the same needs as any other new parents would, but with a few minor considerations.

You should steer clear of planning a surprise celebration on the day the family brings their child home. This can be a very emotional time – the new parents and child (especially if the child is older) will need a period of adjustment. It is very important to be sensitive to their needs. In this case, delivering care packages and planning your celebration for a later date would be acceptable and appreciated. Be sure to talk with the new parents and find out what their wants and needs are before you set a shower date.

Your shower invitations should be sent out three to four weeks in advance, and should include the time, date, and location of the shower. Don’t forget to set an RSVP date with your telephone number and address. If it is at all possible, include the child’s birth date, as well as when he or she was officially adopted or welcomed into the home of his or her new parents. This will help your guests to pick age appropriate gifts. In the case of foreign adoptions, you could also add information about the birth country to inform your guests.

As with other baby showers, the theme for an adoption baby shower should be the same. However, if the child that was adopted is older, you should tailor your party to suit their age and favorite things. For example, a small girl might love everything that involves the Disney princesses and may go absolutely crazy over the color pink. In turn, an older boy may be fascinated by soccer and anything green. Don’t be afraid to be a little creative to help make the party a special celebration to welcome the new child into your circle of family and friends!

Baby shower games are important too! However, stay away from games that are maternity-related. It’s very important that you keep in mind that you are celebrating the gift of adoption. Your games help set the tone of the party, and should be mixed in with any other activity going on. An average shower lasts about two hours, so look at playing two to three party games. If the new parents are adopting an older child, make sure your games reflect that as well. One great adoption party activity is to organize a Welcome Book for the new child. Ask guests to bring pictures of themselves and their families to assemble into a scrapbook page they will create at the shower.

All of your shower decorations will naturally depend on the style, theme, and number of people attending. Balloons and streamers are standard, but there are a lot of creative and fun ideas to make the party extra-special. You’re truly only limited by your imagination here.

If the adoption is an international one, you could use decorations that reflect the child’s place of birth, and include recipes from his or her home country. For guests, it will be a learning experience.
As with decorations, party favors should match your shower theme and party size. Your favors can be used as place settings, prizes, or they can be handed out at the end of the party. A very popular idea for adoption showers is a special program for guests to keep. Written inside should be commitments to the child from his or her new parents, poems about love, family, and adoption, and prayers for the future.
When labeling your favor, keep in mind that your party is, again, in honor of an adoption, not a birth. Your wording on gift tags should reflect that.

Adoption is a very exciting time for the new parents. A baby shower or welcome party allows friends and family members to share in on the family’s joy. When you host or even attend such a party, it is very important to know the needs and wants of the parents. Be sure to know ahead of time how old the child is. Find out if the parents have registered anywhere. Parents who are adopting should be reminded that they can actually register for older children as well as newborns.

By planning and hosting an adoption party, you are helping the new family formalize the acceptance of their child into their circle. You will be creating an occasion that will be documented for the child to look at in the future and remind them how much they were welcomed and loved from the start.

About the Author: Amanda Baker writes for All Things Pondered: http://www.allthingspondered.com – A place to learn, share and grow! Amanda also writes for To Be Informed : http://tobeinformed.com – Health, Fitness and Wellness.

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Jan 2008

When the Forever Parents adoption forums was first created in 2002, we started on the msn boards, but quickly out grew them and moved to ezboard in 2003, where we’ve been…until last week. We’ve joined the big leagues and are hosting our own forum.

Our community supports and encourages adoptive and waiting families in a private setting. There are lots of issues that we, as adoptive and waiting families, face that cannot be discussed on a public adoption message board or adoption blog because we’re to busy having to defend our choices to people that only want to criticize and judge. Fortunately most people are supportive but the ones that arean’t can be mean spirited and hurtful. Out of that, Forever Parents was born, and now we’re taking our next step.

If you’ve adopted or are in the process of adopting, come join us! We have a great group of members and we represent all sides of adoption (open, closed, domestic, international older child, infant). We also have general discussion areas for when we want to just kick back and chat. You’ll find support, friendship, understanding and compassion…all the things that we need while on our journey.

The process of joining is simple:

1) Register your account and check your e-mail for an activation link.
2) Log in and post your introduction in the forum titled “Request Access Here”.
3) Once you’re account has been approved, you’ll be given access to the rest of the forums.

If you have an blog, forum, site or group that is of interest to adoptive and waiting families, please share our link with your readers and viewers!

If you have any questions, feel free to post them here and I’ll do my best to help you.

Here’s the link!
Adoption Forums

See you there!!

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