“He is medically fragile and when we learned that he would not be able to return to his birth parents and that they couldn’t find a home for him, our hearts just broke,” Stephanie Hayes said. It not only broke their hearts, it spurred them to action. The Hayes decided that Jaylan should have a permanent home and they went up to UAB Medical Center to get their son.

Doctors predicted that the now 30-month-old Jaylan wouldn’t make it, but he is thriving under the care of his parents. And they’re enjoying the love that he’s brought to their home. Henry said Jaylan could have never gotten the care that he needed if it weren’t for foster care, and that’s why it’s so important that more people open their homes and become foster parents.

State officials hope more people in Alabama will hear that message and be spurred to action. The state celebrated a milestone of finalizing 676 adoptions in fiscal 2009, more than it has ever had before. Many of the adoptions were by families such as the Hayeses, who were already caring for foster children.

Department of Human Resources Commissioner Nancy Buckner said that creates not only a need for more families willing to adopt, but more families willing to provide foster care for children. There are 650 children in foster care who are waiting for their adoptions to be finalized, and there are more than 250 children waiting for someone to step forward and say that they will adopt a child.

“We are spreading the message that there is an urgency for permanency,” Buckner said. It’s a message that Laura Murdock and Mary Williams, both of Montgomery, heeded. Murdock provided foster care for two little boys and when they became eligible for adoption, she said it was the best decision for everyone. The boys had been back and forth between her home and that of a family member’s, and she wanted them with her forever. “I’d had them off and on since they were little,” she said. “We just fell in love with each other and that was it.”

Williams said being a foster parent is one of the best decisions that she ever made. Back in 2002 she opened her home to four siblings, and when they became eligible for adoption she jumped at the chance to give them a permanent home. Those children are now 18, 16 and the twins are 15, and Williams said she’s ready to start all over again. “They’ve brought a lot of joy to my life and they’ve just been a wonderful blessing,” she said.

To learn more about foster care or adoptions in the state of Alabama, call 1-800-4AL-KIDS. or visit their site.

Related posts

• Adoption As A First Option (pt. 1) (0)
• A Home For The Holidays: 12/23/09 (0)
• Event To End Florida Gay Adoption Ban (2)
• Baby Shower for Adopting Parents (1)
• Watch The Adoption Angles Webcast Tonight (0)

So what makes a profile work? I gathered anecdotal research from birthparents and adoption counselors. While each birthparent comes with a viewpoint as unique as a fingerprint, here are some commonalities I found in what attracts and what doesn’t in a profile.

1. Inject humor. Include an amusing anecdote or funny photo that shows that humor is one way you deal with life. “They had a picture of the whole family wearing 3-D glasses and watching fireworks, “recounts birthmother Kelly. “This family had a good time just being around each other.”

 2. Show something unique. Have a horse? Show it. Bilingual? Write a few words in another language. You want to differentiate yourselves from the others in the stack. “The mother I chose proposed to her husband at an NFL football game on the big scoreboard,” says birthmother Jessica. “I liked her spirit!”

 3. Find balance. Describe your life as full enough that you are not dependent on a baby to make it complete, yet not so full that you have no room for a child. Gwen reveals, “Both people had high-powered jobs and were involved in so many things that I just couldn’t see how they’d fit in another responsibility.”

4. Remove all hints of desperation. It’s as much a repellent to a potential birth mother as it was to a potential spouse. If you can’t come by this honestly, you need more counseling before you embark on adoption. “I didn’t want my baby to be the one thing that saved these people from a life of misery,” explains Sarah, so I passed on them.”

5. Choose an agency based on your expectations for future contact. For example, if you state you want very little or no contact, you may be in for a long wait if your agency is known for open adoptions. “We went to an open adoption agency because we wanted SOME contact,” say birthparents Heather and Jason. “so we rejected a couple who wanted us to disappear after the birth.”

6. Accurately represent yourselves and avoid playing to your audience. One expectant mother might love dogs while another might be allergic. One might want the baby to be the couple’s first, while another might want siblings. To bring about the best match simply be truthful about who you are and what your lives are about.

7. Tinker. Advertisers know that tweaking just a word or an image can dramatically change results. If you’ve been waiting a while, make a minor change, like the stationery or the lead photo. “If your agency is having activity but your profile isn’t garnering interest, a semi-annual review with minor changes might help,” suggests Karen Bettis, Adoption Counselor at Lutheran Family Services.

8. Be just a bit quirky. For example, if you show a photo of your home, point to a bedroom window and add the caption “Baby’s room!” Birth parents look for reasons to come back to your profile. Our daughter’s birthmother, Crystal, laughs about this today: “I liked looking at your home. And I liked knowing you already had a room picked out. That caption made an impression.”

10. Get exposure. Become an ambassador for your agency. Keep pregnancy counseling brochures in your car so you can post them at libraries and community centers (with permission). Your own doctor can be a resource to her patients who are pregnant but can’t parent – if she has brochures. And to stretch your geographic boundaries, post your profile online. An internet search on “adoption profiles” turns up a host of sites that match birthparents and adoptive families.

Related posts

• Are You Tough Enough To Adopt? (Part 2) (3)
• Adoptees: Choices, Not Blankets (6)
• The Adoption Agency/Parent Relationship and its Effect on Attachment (4)
• The What-If Game Of Adoption (3)
• Open Adoption – Pros And Cons (0)