I asked our adoption forums members what advice they would give someone who was creating a profile and here’s what some of them said.

*** I had to get friends to help me to write my letter and put together my profile. They were better able to communicate my warmth. I was too close to the situation. They were able to see the pictures through outside eyes — I saw the circumstances around the picture that might not have been communicated through the picture itself. We included pictures of our dogs, which our son’s bmom just loved. She wanted to see that we were a warm and loving couple. Seeing us walking our dogs helped with this.

*** I learned that you don’t want to include tons and tons of pictures on one page. Just a couple of good ones and write from your heart and be descriptive. I also learned from doing ours that pet photos are important. One PBM chose us who had a dog like ours growing up and liked that we spoiled her. Unfortunately her fees were too high for us. Do it in a 8 x 10 book or portfolio type book from somewhere like Kinkos b/c 12 x 12 copies are expensive and for me was impossible to find somewhere to copy. Don’t try to do it all in one day. Decide what you want to share in your portfolio and write it down either together or separate and then go back and edit. Take your time sharing who you are. You may have to write a bio for your homestudy but this is you in a nutshell and what they potential birth parents will see. Some attorneys will not want a large profile book but just several pages so also make a condensed version to send to those who may request it so you aren’t trying to do that in a hurry last minute. When writing your letter try to keep it a page but don’t worry if you can’t. Ours was almost two pages and our son’s birthmother was moved and very certain after reading it we were the ones meant to adopt him.

*** One big thing – no matter what your agency says – don’t call them birthparents, especially before placement. It is considered subtly coercive and even derogatory by some. Instead, I recommend simply, “Hello” or Dear Expectant Parents.” It is highly respectful and sets you apart from the others in the stack right off the bat. Be yourselves. Show yourselves. Help the readers envision what a child’s life with you would be like. Help them see what their life with you will be like (if you are considering open adoption).

*** All I learned was through doing and redoing and doing it again…plus reading and seeing other people’s profiles and letters. I strove to be “myself” and represent us positively yet honestly. In our first profile I included too many pictures and it included too much personal info. I shaved that down quite a bit and redid my letter to sound less desperate. After my fourth attempt at a profile, I finally had one I was really proud of. This was after we adopted our first and were awaiting our second child. The second agency limited us to four pages of pictures and a one page letter. It really helped to keep it simple. I think addressing the letter to “expectant parent” was a very good tip (may have learned that on Forever Parents) and my introduction was way better than my first attempt.

Anybody else have any tips to include? Post them in the comment section and I’ll add them to this post.

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So what makes a profile work? I gathered anecdotal research from birthparents and adoption counselors. While each birthparent comes with a viewpoint as unique as a fingerprint, here are some commonalities I found in what attracts and what doesn’t in a profile.

1. Inject humor. Include an amusing anecdote or funny photo that shows that humor is one way you deal with life. “They had a picture of the whole family wearing 3-D glasses and watching fireworks, “recounts birthmother Kelly. “This family had a good time just being around each other.”

 2. Show something unique. Have a horse? Show it. Bilingual? Write a few words in another language. You want to differentiate yourselves from the others in the stack. “The mother I chose proposed to her husband at an NFL football game on the big scoreboard,” says birthmother Jessica. “I liked her spirit!”

 3. Find balance. Describe your life as full enough that you are not dependent on a baby to make it complete, yet not so full that you have no room for a child. Gwen reveals, “Both people had high-powered jobs and were involved in so many things that I just couldn’t see how they’d fit in another responsibility.”

4. Remove all hints of desperation. It’s as much a repellent to a potential birth mother as it was to a potential spouse. If you can’t come by this honestly, you need more counseling before you embark on adoption. “I didn’t want my baby to be the one thing that saved these people from a life of misery,” explains Sarah, so I passed on them.”

5. Choose an agency based on your expectations for future contact. For example, if you state you want very little or no contact, you may be in for a long wait if your agency is known for open adoptions. “We went to an open adoption agency because we wanted SOME contact,” say birthparents Heather and Jason. “so we rejected a couple who wanted us to disappear after the birth.”

6. Accurately represent yourselves and avoid playing to your audience. One expectant mother might love dogs while another might be allergic. One might want the baby to be the couple’s first, while another might want siblings. To bring about the best match simply be truthful about who you are and what your lives are about.

7. Tinker. Advertisers know that tweaking just a word or an image can dramatically change results. If you’ve been waiting a while, make a minor change, like the stationery or the lead photo. “If your agency is having activity but your profile isn’t garnering interest, a semi-annual review with minor changes might help,” suggests Karen Bettis, Adoption Counselor at Lutheran Family Services.

8. Be just a bit quirky. For example, if you show a photo of your home, point to a bedroom window and add the caption “Baby’s room!” Birth parents look for reasons to come back to your profile. Our daughter’s birthmother, Crystal, laughs about this today: “I liked looking at your home. And I liked knowing you already had a room picked out. That caption made an impression.”

10. Get exposure. Become an ambassador for your agency. Keep pregnancy counseling brochures in your car so you can post them at libraries and community centers (with permission). Your own doctor can be a resource to her patients who are pregnant but can’t parent – if she has brochures. And to stretch your geographic boundaries, post your profile online. An internet search on “adoption profiles” turns up a host of sites that match birthparents and adoptive families.

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