In part one, I wrote about our hopeful adoptive couple, Jill and Jon. I mentioned that they have a limited amount of money to spend in their attempt to have a child; and, that those who choose to build their family through pregnancy have little to ‘prove’ in order to show they’re worthy to become parents—-unlike people who choose to adopt a baby/child.

Jill and Jon have already gone through the process of the home study and are now considering different legal avenues to find their child. Whether a couple can go outside of state lines to adopt is up to the requirements of their state. In my own state, couples must undergo the weeks long PRIDE courses put on by DCFS or DCFS affiliates. Once successfully done, the couple can have a foster to adopt license to go across state lines (even if they never plan to foster/adopt through the system). Whether Jill and Jon choose to search for a baby outside or inside their state, their home study will need to be sent BY the conducting (home) agency TO any agency/attorney Jill and Jon want to deal with. Most (if not all) agencies/attorneys will not take a home study copy given to them by the couple wanting to adopt.

Jill and Jon will also have to pay ‘registration fees’ to other agencies/attorneys they‘ll want to work with. In some cases, agencies will allow partial fees or waived fees depending on what type of baby the couple seeks or what their income might be. Sometimes, agencies will allow people to have their ‘home study on file’ in the event a particular situation comes about. In those cases, a bona-fide file isn‘t necessary unless the desired situation arises. If their ideal child DOES come about……certain fees will be expected at the time of placement.

Following are some abbreviated tips to help hopeful adopting people save money, save time and not get caught up in ‘games’ some adoption entities play:

Deal only with agencies who’ll allow you to work with more than one adoption entity. Some agencies/attorneys will only allow you to work with them—and them alone. While they may have been the group who conducted your home study…keep in mind that YOU have paid for the home study. Once your home study is finished, you should be able to have it sent to any agency that will accept it.

YOU can find the agencies/attorneys you want to work with by simply doing some research on your own. While some couples pay others to find an agency to work with; I believe people can find agencies/attorneys on their own. Google in those states you feel you can work with and ask: ‘Adoption agencies/attorneys in XXXX state‘. You can even be more specific: “Adoption agencies/attorneys who specialize in Black American adoptions’….or, Adoption agencies/attorneys who specialize in special needs infants’, etc.

With this, an entire listing will come up. Copy it off and with a notebook, pen and phone, start calling. By asking agencies about their fees, what their specific requirements are, if they force open adoptions with visits, semi-open with 18yrs of letters/photos, or allow freedom of choice for adopting couples and birth family………you’ll know first hand which agency or attorney will suit your needs best. Be sure to keep decent notes on all phone calls. This is important because as you go along, it may be difficult to remember which agency said what, etc. You may find yourself making notes about helpful people and whether they’ll even suit your needs. Some agencies will tell you *they* have many birth moms coming along– and while this may be true—it’s wise to carefully consider whether the agency is giving appropriate counseling to any birthmothers or simply gathering babies for profit through adoption.

Another way to use Google is to inquire about any postings for adoptable situations. There are several; and while some may be situations you‘re not interested in, knowing about the agencies and how much they charge (often listed with the situation) will only help to learn more about agencies in general. Take note of agency websites and what their policies are. Phone them about their requirements. Again, keep detailed notes….and even if the agency isn’t a good fit, you can still learn something about adoption.

Watch out for those who simply want to do business but don’t have a heart for adoption.

When you talk with an agency/attorney‘s office, stay aware of those who truly have a heart for adoption and those who truly have a heart for your hard-earned money! I advise people to stay away from agencies/attorneys who ask for large amounts of money up front (or even in large increments once you sign up). It’s not unusual for adoption entities to ask for initial fees of $200-500 to set up a file and give an initial consultation over the phone or in their office. An agency or attorney who asks for more than this amount (just for signing up) might cause you to re-consider.

Be VERY cautious of agencies/attorneys who promise a quick placement or upcoming scenarios that sound suspicious. For instance, an agency/attorney who counsels with a birthmother about an adoption plan in their sixth month is fine; but talking about an adoption plan with someone in their third week of pregnancy—then asking if you want to match with this person this early– is not good practice by most agency standards.

Consider NOT playing the ‘matching game’.

I advise hopeful adopting couples to only accept babies that are already born, released for adoption and ready to be adopted. This doesn’t mean there isn’t any risk. It DOES mean the birthparents will have signed—or will sign in a short amount of time. In the case of an unknown father, it may mean that he’s being sought through a diligent search. It also means the agency has had time to discuss adoption with the birthparents and the hopeful adoptive couple can have information as to any risks that might be involved. An already born baby can also mean that many specifics pertaining to the health of the baby may have already been noted: Birth challenges, drug or alcohol use, etc.

Many agencies/attorneys will tell you ‘already born babies’ don’t happen. This is untrue. While you may wait longer by not matching pre-birth, you can eliminate a lot of risk by holding out for an already born baby.

Work with agencies who’ll allow the freedom of choice.

Today, too many agencies and attorneys tell hopeful adoptive people that the best way to adopt is to have a fully open adoption involving continued contact with the birth family. If not this, many agencies will insist their clients promise to continue semi-open contact with 18 or more years of letters/photos to the birth family. While this makes for good policy in the eyes of the agency or attorney…..it’s an unfair assumption on their part toward hopeful adoptive people and birth families.

No two adoptions are alike. There are hopeful adopting parents who welcome very open contact with the biological family of their child. Likewise, there are hopeful adopting parents who want a more closed (or even completely closed) adoption with the biological family of their child. And, just like hopeful parents, some birth families want a very open, semi-open or closed adoption for the child they’re releasing for adoption. “Openness” in continued contact should be an individual choice between birth and adopting families and should be stated clearly and honestly prior to the placement of the baby.

Agencies and attorneys deciding for these parties as to what kind of contact will occur in the future– could be seen as controlling and biased. Some states have required written post-adoption agreements that can hold up in court should either party not adhere to what they promised prior to the adoption. For some, this is good; for others, not so much. Be aware of any state requirements before considering a child from that state. Always be honest with any birth family as to what you feel you will or will not allow in terms of openness for your new baby.

These are just a few suggestions for those people starting out on their adoption quest. In my next article, I’ll touch on ways to deal with the waiting times of an adoption journey.

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Here’s what some of them suggested:

We had spread our desire to adopt through word of mouth only. The possibility of adoption was a subject that came up often during the course of our miscarriages and infertility treatments. My doctor had even indicated that he was often made aware of situations through his work as an OB/GYN. Family members who often had unwanted and unsolicited advice, were also aware of our desire to adopt and often alerted us to possible situations. My husband’s job brought him into contact with many people during the course of the week, and our first situation was through a co-worker who was friends with a tenant in one of the apartment complexes.

There are much better and more wide-spread ways to network, but this simple form of spreading the word, brought us 3 situations over the course of one year.

I spoke with our adoption attorney for suggestions. We signed up with an agency she (the attorney) knew about; but then I kind of went out on my own. Actually, we learned more from venturing out on our own, than from anyone else.

We knew that we could adopt from other states other than our own, simply because we had relatives and friends in those particular states for the most part. I literally sat down with the computer, Googled those particular states with, “adoption agencies in XX(state)’
A long list came up each time, and I printed it off. I then sat down with pencil and paper and called any/all that I thought looked promising. Even if/when these agencies wouldn’t/couldn’t deal with us, I still learned sooo much just from questions and answers from them! And, then there were those I DID find out would/could work with us, and actually sent our profiles to them, as most would say they ‘often/always needed families wanting to adopt African American babies’.

I kept a spiral notebook with all of the contacts and phone conversations I had. In this way, I was also able to make remarks as to why or why not that particular agency did/didn’t meet with my liking. It helped immensely!!!! And honestly, there were those who might not have been able to help us (due to higher fees or not being able to deal with people outside of state), but they’d give the name of another attorney or agency we might be able to work with!

In this way then, when I’d see postings of available babies and the agencies that were handling the adoptions, I’d often know right up front whether I wanted to even call them or not. And….this info has helped others who needed info about a certain agency as well.

And, like I said, we sent out a lot of profiles to many of these agencies with the idea of ‘just in case’. In the last adoption, we were called for our baby, simply because I had had a lengthy conversation with one caseworker about their fees and our family! Even though I told them their fees were higher than we could afford, they called us because this was a special situation for them (and a stork baby, besides). They’d never seen our profile……but because of the conversation, we have our baby!!!

I kept everything written down of who and what agency/attorney I told with and the outcome. I sent profiles all over the place. Probably spent close to $500 worth of those things out! I checked the Forever Parents adoption forums regularly and other sites that listed hard to place situations. It was a member of Forever Parents who saw our son’s situation and shared it with the group.

Also, although I did not do this, I have heard of potential adoptive parents making business cards and putting them in everything they mail out (such a bills, etc) and posting them on cork boards at colleges, restaurants, etc. to get the word out they are looking to adopt. I always worried this could be an easy way to invite an adoption scam into my life so I didn’t do it.

We did nothing but wait for the right matches to come through our agency. They were dealing with about 20-30 placing mothers a year, and they aimed to keep 20 couples in The Book at a time.

I have become acquainted with Jeff at ParentGallery.com. He offers an affordable alternative to a.com’s ParentPages. He is kind enough to offer 2 free months to my clients. Another possible resource might be myadoptionadvisor.com/

We told our families (which are very large and nationwide), friends, co-workers, friends on Facebook and take advantage of every oppurtunity to tell someone when the topic of children comes up which happens quite often. We will also send our profile to the the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys once our certification to adopt is approved.

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What type of infant you’re hoping to adopt will most certainly make considerable difference in what you will pay. Always remember that adoption IS a business…as much as many of us hate to admit this. With that knowledge, hopeful adoptive couples can be prepared to realize adoption agencies/attorneys also run their businesses in order TO make money (some more than others). Who *you* conduct business with will make all the difference in the world.

First, if you’re looking to adopt an infant through an agency or attorney who’ll do the searching for you within the United States, be prepared to do some research and understand this VERY important point:

There are always exceptions to the rules.

Following is a listing with some of the basic adoption expenses for adoptive couples. Keep in mind this is a generalization. As I mentioned earlier, remember that adoption is a business; that the type of adoption you’re hoping for will impact how much you’ll pay; and most importantly, there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rules when considering the cost of adoption in the United States.

The Private’ Homestudy: A document prepared by a recognized agent/agency in your home state that gives detailed account of your life and those who live with you; your values, beliefs on many topics, your community, education and expectations of raising a child. This is generally done through home visits and interviews with you, your significant other, any children already in the home and oftentimes, interviews with both adults and/or existing children in the home. Generally, personal and work-related references are required. Sometimes, references from a pastor are required as well.
Cost: Approximately $1,000.00 – 2,000.00

Your home study must be completed before you’ll be allowed to adopt at all. I’m told that some states allow the completion of a home study AFTER a baby/child has been placed into your home—especially if an independent adoption is being performed….but this varies incredibly state to state.

An Adoption Attorney: If you’re going through an adoption attorney, it’s often recommended to consult and hire one that belongs to The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (or Quad A attorneys). A Quad A member can be found at this website: http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/ While there are other adoption attorneys who can conduct an adoption, Quad A attorneys are to uphold a high standard of ethics and up-to-date-knowledge concerning adoption law. In my opinion, hiring a Quad A attorney is one more assurance that the adoption will/should be done in an ethical and legal manner.
An Estimation for legal services will also depend on whether the attorney is networking for adoptive parents in seeking out potential expectant women considering adoption, working with an agency directly or in-directly, or simply conducting the legal adoption paperwork once a baby has already been placed with the adoptive parents.
Estimated Cost when networking as well as conducting legal work: $ 5,000.-$10,000.
Estimated Cost when networking, child placement fees and legal work for the adoption: $ 10,000 and up.

The Adoption Agency: A entity licensed by the state that’s recognized to legally place a child with a home studied and approved-to-adopt family. Some agencies will contract out to have home studies conducted; others often have their own caseworkers who conduct the home study process. An adoption agency should be one the adoptive family feels completely comfortable with. The agency is sometimes ‘not-for-profit’; ‘for-profit’, and sometimes affiliated with a certain religious faith. (Note: Not all religiously affiliated agencies require their clients to be members of that particular sect of faith: For instance, Catholic Charities will work with non-Catholic persons.)

Adoption Agencies often network with other agencies and attorneys to find potential expectant women/couples who are considering adoption. Each agency is as individual as could be imagined. Each agency has their own specific requirements, fees, and times in which to collect those fees. Fees charged for home studies are often separate fees from those of ‘child placement, post-placement visits and other expenses.

For instance, (assuming you already have a home study conducted) some agencies will ask for initial money to ‘register’ with them. (Fees can range from $150.00 to $500 and beyond.)
Then, if you’re into their program and willing to “Match”—pre-birth with an expectant woman, monies might be asked at that time. (Fees can range from $0 – $10,000.)
And then, should the expectant woman continue through with her adoption plan, the balance of the entire adoption will be required once the baby is born and releases for adoption have been signed.
Generally, an ethical adoption agency will charge anywhere from $5,000.- 15,000 in child placement fees. This does not include the cost of the home study, any possible expenses to the birthmother, any possible medical expenses or post-placement visits once the baby has been placed in your home.

The Post-Placement Visit: Once you have a baby/child placed in your home, states require the supervising agency to conduct post-placement visits to see how the baby and your family are adjusting to each other. The amount of visits is determined by your agency as well as the state in which you reside. Additionally, if you live outside of the pre-determined area of the agency, you’re often charged for mileage.
Usually, expect anywhere from 1-4 visits.
Estimated fee for *each* post-placement visit: $150-250.

At this point, you might be wondering why there’s such a vast range in fees. In this article , I’ve only skimmed the surface relating to the expenses for adopting a baby from an adoption agency or attorney within the United States. In a following article, I’ll write about the different variables that can easily change the amount of money a family can spend to adopt.

Written by Linny

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Written by Linny

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