All families change over time. Sometimes a baby is born, or a grown-up gets married. And sometimes a child gets placed in foster care. Children need to know that when this happens, it’s not their fault. When a child gets adopted they need to understand that they can remember and value their birth family and love their new family, too. Straightforward words and full-color illustrations offer hope and support for children facing or experiencing change. This title includes resources (more…)

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Update #2: A list of email addresses has been added at the bottom of this post.

One of our adoption forum members brought this to our attention (thanks Debbie!) and I am passing it along to anyone who may be interested. I’m also adding my personal thoughts, which I shared on our adoption forum, at the end of this post.

There is a horror slasher film being released July 24 (Orphan) about a family who adopts an older girl who “is not what she appears to be. Warnings about her go unheeded until it is too late…for everyone”. The film is being promoted now (http://orphan-movie.warnerbros.com) and the adoption message being sent is extremely negative. There is actually a line in the trailer that says “it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own”.
Without having seen the movie or read the script, it is hard to know if the entire movie is sending a ghastly adoption message, but the trailer certainly leads us to believe it is. This feeds the notion that older adoptees are very troubled and you should beware…. that’s not an image any of us want the general public to have of our kids. It plays into people’s deepest fears.

There is a growing group pursuing a boycott of the film, sending out emails and posting on online bulletin boards. I urge you to forward this email to others personally involved in adoption, help disseminate the boycott message and write to the producers and distributors expressing your displeasure with the message being sent.
The backers of this movie have deep pockets. It is being released by Dark Castle Entertainment with Warner Bros. set to distribute. Leonardo DiCaprio’s Appian Way, which developed the material, is also producing.

Here are my personal thoughts;

I just watched the trailer. Looks like the type of movie I would love…..dark and creepy. That line about it being hard to love an adopted child as much as your own is actually said by the adopted girl herself, who is obviously psychotic.

I have two thoughts about this movie……

If people take this movie as a serious portrayal of what older child adoption could be, it might actually be a good thing. There are seriously damaged older kids being adopted into families that have no idea what their in for and once the papers are signed, these families are on their own. I adopted three older kids and luckily, my two younger ones are fine, but my son is one fucked up kid. I hide my butcher knives and scissors in my bedroom because I don’t trust him. I am seeing a lot of sociopathic behaviors in him as he gets older. Maybe after this movie comes out, the concerns of those of us who have adopted troubled kids will be taken more seriously. I actually had a counselor at the facility my son is at, tell me to examine my parenting as a cause of my son’s behavior. After all this time of going through the system’s red tape trying to get help for him and telling anyone who will listen that something is wrong with him (much like the line from the movie; ‘There’s something wrong with Ester’), this man who never met me wants me to carry some of the blame. Needless to say, I hung up on him, (which I’m sure they’ll write up as me being a ‘hostile parent who has anger issues’) but there’s many more who think like him. If there’s one thing that comes out of this movie, I hope it’s that we (those of us who adopt older troubled kids) adopt these kids with all good intentions and then we get very little support and back up from teachers/therapists/cops/judges, etc.

That girl reminded me a lot of my son Very charming and polite in the beginning, able to keep that facade up when needed. Then something happens that she doesn’t like and rage kicks in. That rage in the toilet stall scene is what we live with when he doesn’t get his way.

Is all older child adoption like this?…of course not. I have two kids that prove it doesn’t. My daughters were adopted at the ages of 5 and 8 and are nothing like this movie.

My other thought is….it’s a horror movie made for entertainment and should be treated as such. If I got all bent out of shape every time someone portrayed “me” in a movie, I would be boycotting Goodfellas and The Soprano’s for how they show Italian-Americans.

I want to also add that the people boycotting have every right to do that and I back them 100%. I’m all for people speaking out when there is something they don’t agree with. Unlike channels like CNN and MSNBC who belittled people like myself who attended the recent tax day tea parties, I believe in the right to protest….even if I do not agree with their message.

My last thought is that this movie is nothing compared to the type of movie I would make about older child adoption. I plan on writing a book about my experience and if this movie is causing controversy and it’s not even real, they can’t handle my truth.

Update: Here is a sample letter to send to Warner Bros.

May {XX}, 2009

Barry M. Meyer
Warner Bros. Movies
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522

Dear Mr. Meyer and Producers of the movie Orphan:

“It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own.”

Writing as a parent of an adopted child, I strongly urge you to remove this line from your film, “Orphan” and, especially, from all of your trailers. This line implies that an adopted child is not the parents’ child and, for anyone in an adoptive family, is very hurtful. Additionally, anyone seeing the film- or the trailer containing this line of dialogue- could promulgate such a hurtful expression and spread it like a virus, creating emotional distress for adoptive families everywhere.

In this day and age, when movie trailers are “sanitized” so that they can be shown before any movie, regardless of the MPAA rating, your trailer is likely to be seen and heard by young children and their families. For adoptive families, and especially for young children who joined their families through adoption, this line has the potential to cause serious trauma.

So, I will also ask you to look inside your heart and then look, again, at your film and see if there are other scenes that can create a negative stigma for adoptive families and please make changes to eliminate or, at the very least, reduce the damage. If you have any question about what might be considered hurtful, please contact Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute as I know they would be happy to help you.

I understand your film has already been completed and asking you to make wholesale changes at this point, just a couple of months before it is released, is probably unrealistic. That is why I am pleading with you to simply show some sensitivity and limit the damage your film will do to anyone who has an adopted child in their family and at least make these changes to the trailer.

I believe you would prefer not having adoptive families around the world virally warning each other of the damaging depictions contained in your movie and encouraging all their friends and family members not to patronize “Orphan.” No filmmaker would like the headline “Movie Called Harmful to Adoptive Families” associated with their film- least of all Mr. DiCaprio who, until now, has maintained a very positive public image.

Please reply and let me know what you have decided to do with your “Orphan.”

Along with adoptive families around the world, I look forward to hearing of your decision. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
{Name}

email addresses:
Alan Horn, President and Chief Operating Officer
alan.horn@warnerbros.com
Barry Meyer, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer
barry.meyer@warnerbros.com
Susan Fleishman, Executive Vice President, Worldwide Corporate Communications and Public Affairs
susan.fleishman@warnerbros.com
Jeff Robonov, President, Warner Bros. Pictures Group
jeff.robonov@warnerbros.com
Dan Fellman, President, Domestic Distribution, Warner Bros. Pictures
dan.fellman@warnerbros.com

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If you’re looking to purchase lifebook supplies,
scroll past the quotes to check out some of our favorites!

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.
-Richard Bach

If a child is born and raised in a home that is loving and nurturing, where there is complete truth about who we are, you can’t give a child any greater place from which to fly.
-Amanda Bearse

Time and experience have taught me a priceless lesson: Any child you take for your own becomes your own if you give of yourself to that child. I have born two children and had seven others by adoption, and they are all my children, equally beloved and precious.
-Dale Evans

We look at adoption as a very sacred exchange. It was not done lightly on either side. I would dedicate my life to this child.
-Jamie Lee Curtis

I realized at the start that whether a child is biological or adopted, one does not know all the ingredients in the package. That is what growth is all about. A child is the slowest flower in the world, opening petal by petal, revealing the developing personality within.
-Robert Klose

Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It’s something quite magical.
-Nicole Kidman

Adoptive Mom?
I am Mom.
I need no other label or prefix.
-Joanne Greco

It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other.
-Joan McNamara

By choice, we have become a family, first in our hearts, and finally in breath and being. Great expectations are good; great experiences are better.

-Richard Fischer

People ask me. “What about gay adoptions? Interracial? Single Parent?” I say. “Hey fine, as long as it works for the child and the family is responsible.” My big stand is this: Every child deserves a home and love. Period.
-Dave Thomas

Looking for more adoption quotes?

Adoption Sticker Medley Use this Adoption sticker medley on page layouts, creative frames, handmade cards, gift tags and more! Price: $1.99

My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families This lovely keepsake album contains sections to record all the joyful milestones and cherished family moments that mark a new baby’s life, pages to chart the child’s unique journey, as well as over 60 stickers you can use to customize the family tree pages. Price: $5.08

My Adoption Celebration Scrapbook My Adoption Celebration Scrapbook is packed with pages that are ideal for recording special times spent with loved ones. Price: $15.56

Adoption Scrapbook Baby Album This 20-page scrapbook album comes with 15 8×8 transparency overlays along with a coupon for 5 free overlays at the publisher’s web site. Price: $55.00

Adoption Is Love Cardstock Stickers A wonderful sheet of heavyweight cardstock stickers depicting the joy of adoption. Acid and lignin-free, and archival safe. Price: $1.32

Framework Adoption Accents These are colorful, lightweight chipboard embellishments designed to complement photos and add dimension to scrapbook pages, homemade greeting cards, and other craft projects. Price: $1.89

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When the Forever Parents adoption forums was first created in 2002, we started on the msn boards, but quickly out grew them and moved to ezboard in 2003, where we’ve been…until last week. We’ve joined the big leagues and are hosting our own forum.

Our community supports and encourages adoptive and waiting families in a private setting. There are lots of issues that we, as adoptive and waiting families, face that cannot be discussed on a public adoption message board or adoption blog because we’re to busy having to defend our choices to people that only want to criticize and judge. Fortunately most people are supportive but the ones that arean’t can be mean spirited and hurtful. Out of that, Forever Parents was born, and now we’re taking our next step.

If you’ve adopted or are in the process of adopting, come join us! We have a great group of members and we represent all sides of adoption (open, closed, domestic, international older child, infant). We also have general discussion areas for when we want to just kick back and chat. You’ll find support, friendship, understanding and compassion…all the things that we need while on our journey.

The process of joining is simple:

1) Register your account and check your e-mail for an activation link.
2) Log in and post your introduction in the forum titled “Request Access Here”.
3) Once you’re account has been approved, you’ll be given access to the rest of the forums.

If you have an blog, forum, site or group that is of interest to adoptive and waiting families, please share our link with your readers and viewers!

If you have any questions, feel free to post them here and I’ll do my best to help you.

Here’s the link!
Adoption Forums

See you there!!

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