The following was submitted by Beth, one of our blog readers. Leave a comment here if you’d like to share your adoption story also.

We have three children. Our oldest daughter and son were adopted at birth. Our youngest son was adopted right before his tenth birthday. This is a story of both joy and sorrow, excitement and patience, and most importantly, unconditional love.

My husband and I were married in 1965. Like most young couples at that time, we wanted children. We started trying right away. After two years, and no baby, we sought out medical advice. Unlike the medical treatments and techniques available today, in vitro fertilization, hormone therapies, etc., were not available at that time – at least not to us. We both worked, but didn’t have a lot of expendable cash, and we turned to the only thing we knew – adoption.

Even back then, the adoption process was not a quick one. We applied for adoption through the State of Wisconsin, and were subjected to background checks, home visits, and social worker interviews before we would even be considered. But fortunately, we were put on “the list” and began the waiting game. In the fall of 1969, we were told that a baby boy was available for adoption. We were ecstatic! We could hardly wait to see our son and bring him home. But finally, after more waiting, and interviews and home visits galore, we were able to pick up our baby boy. And he was beautiful – perfect, just like we imagined he would be. It’s hard to put into words how much you can love someone so little, how much that little person can make a couple into a family. But he did. There’s nothing that can explain the love and pride you have in your own child – it didn’t matter that we didn’t conceive him, it mattered that he was put in our hands to love and guide for the rest of our lives. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

In the summer of 1971, we were able to experience this joy for the second time. This time, we adopted a baby girl – and now we felt our family was complete. You think you can’t love anyone more than your first child, and then the second comes along and you realize your heart just gets bigger and you can love another child just as much as the first. It took about a year for each of our children to become “officially” ours, meaning, when the court turned over full custody to us.

After some time, we decided to adopt again. However, it had become more difficult at this point. My husband was over 35. Apparently this was some magic number suggesting that he was too old to care for an infant. So once again, we began the adoption process, this time hoping to adopt a toddler or young child. Once again, we were subjected to home visits, only now, the social workers also interviewed our children. I guess they were trying to asses if this would be a good home for a child. It took longer this time. Another thing that was different, is that we had some choice – we were able to read case files on children to see if they would be a good fit for our family. We could “accept” or “reject” them. We finally found a boy that seemed like he would be a good fit for our family – he was nine years old at the time, older than we had hoped.

Unlike with an infant, he had to do home visits with us and he also got to decide if we were a good family for him. I think this took a couple of months. It was different than adopting a baby – when our older son and daughter were placed in our arms, they were ours, totally and completely. This boy knew his other mother and grandparents. At the same time, once we got to know him, we started to fall in love with him, just as we had done with our older children. The process was different, but the end result was the same – after about a year, he became our son legally, and we couldn’t have loved him any more.

Thank you for letting me share.
Beth

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Danielle commented in the adoption homestudy post and I wanted to give her, and anybody else who may have the same concerns, some thoughts and ideas that may help.She said:

We want to adopt someday, but I am terrified of this process. Given all they look at in the homestudy (which is pretty much everything having to do with anything in your life), how on earth can average people be confident that they will pass? I have worked with children at risk, and I have been around enough social workers to know how they judge people for certain things (A lot of things, actually). I just don’t know how people do this if, say, they are on their second marriage, or perhaps had to take depression meds at one point in their lives, or perhaps at some point had an illness. None of these things make you a bad person, but social workers think what they think.Then, there’s the fact that they interview you about your childhood, your day-to day routines, and how you parent your existing children. You can’t help what your childhood was like, and day to day routines and parenting methods greatly vary among people anyway- what if the social worker doesn’t agree with something? Lord knows, women fight over these things all the time, and they get brutal about it, too…
I totally understand that it’s all worth it to get one step closer to your child. Pregnancy was no picnic, either, and in the end, it was all worth it to get her- so I can imagine the same things relate when you adopt. It just all seems so impossible, that’s all. Sorry for the rant.

I think every person that goes through an adoption homestudy feels that way. It is intrusive and stressful at times. Our caseworker was outstanding and she was on our side throughout the whole process. I would love to think that most adoption caseworkers are like that.Danielle, I brought your concerns to the Forever Parents adoption forums and here’s what some of our members wanted to share with you.

Linny: Everyone’s life is full of valleys and high points. Life wouldn’t be life without it. None of us are guaranteed to live on the light side, or feel like we’ve constantly had to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps to make it one more day. But, the biggest question I think that has to be answered in the end is: “How did we deal with all of those aspects of our lives?”How’d we put A and B together in order to get to C? Did we fall apart through ALL of it; OR, did we fall apart, take a deep breath and start searching for resources? Did we simply let some things ‘go’, because we knew we did our best and went on with life, or did we spend years trying to find ways to redeem ourselves to the point of forgetting what the problem was in the first place? Do you see what I mean?

Yes, there are always awful caseworkers out there…and my family has known a few. But, there are always ways to ask for another caseworker, or even go to another agency who will fully understand life and what’s involved in making a good parent.

Good and approved homestudies don’t require that people be perfect, or have even and ‘no-stress’ lives. They require people who’ve shown that they can get through tough periods of their lives….people who have shown they can take the meds they had to take, or get the counseling they needed in order to go on with life productively. Poor homestudies would include folks who’ve shown they consistently couldn’t get their act together; or have ignored symptoms or issues that needed to be focused on.Most people who show they have been able to go on with life – taking the time to acquire any helps and resources they needed in order to deal with whatever the case may be – are able to have a good homestudy. It’s really not that hard…and believe me, my family has been through some very unusual situations that had to be dealt with! Still, we have a good homestudy and were able to adopt many times. I hope this helps in some way.

Faith: The bottom line is that social workers WANT to approve hopeful adoptive parents. That is the best result for all involved. A positive spin is that they want to bring together loving families. A cynical spin is that the agency wants the profit. Either way, the social worker WANTS to approve you.Yes, a social worker needs to make sure that you will provide a safe and loving home. However, you don’t have to be perfect to adopt. Your past is not as important as your present.

Lori: Think about adoption — or any other big undertaking — as a drive across town. Do you lament all the red lights you might encounter? You don’t wait to leave until all the lights turn green, because that just doesn’t happen — you’d never leave the house. Instead, you drive, and eventually, the lights turn green as you get to them. Sometimes you wait. Sometimes you detour. Sometimes there are obstacles that you have to find creative routes around. And yes, sometimes you don’t end up where you aimed to go. But the risk of red lights don’t stop you from taking the journey.

Robin: I was afraid too. I had things in my family’s past I didn’t want to come out and I was sure would be the roadblock that would prevent a successful adoption. The homestudy is more about you, who you are, what kind of home you can provide for a child, and less about where you come from and what your childhood was like. It is more about the present and what future you can provide than about the past. My family’s past was not an obstacle to adopting a child, however, if you are feeling this kind of anxiety, you may need to make peace with that which is haunting you. Although it may not effect your qualifications to adopt, you may still want to put some energy into addressing the issues that worry you and try putting them to rest. Emotionally, and mentally it will help make you a better parent.

Danielle, I hope what we’ve shared helped to put your mind at ease. My husband & I were no angels when we started the homestudy process. But we found that because we adopted older children, our wild past was actually viewed as one of our strengths. They felt that it would help us in dealing with the issues these children usually come with. They weren’t looking for perfect people, they were looking for people who took responsibility for themselves. Please share any other questions or concerns you have and we’ll do our best to share our experiences. Your also welcome to join our adoption forums if you’d like.

**originally posted in 2007-updated in 2008**

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The home study process can be a source of anxiety for some prospective parents, who may fear they will not be “approved.” It may be helpful to remember agencies are not looking for perfect parents. Rather, they are looking for real parents to parent real children. With accurate information about the process, prospective parents can face the home study experience with confidence and the excitement that should accompany the prospect of welcoming a child into the family.

Specific home study requirements and processes vary greatly from agency to agency, State to State, and (in the case of intercountry adoption) by the child’s country of origin. This factsheet discusses the common elements of the home study process and addresses some concerns prospective adoptive parents may have about the process.

If you are just beginning your journey to adoption, you may find the Information Gateway factsheet, Adoption: Where Do I Start? useful. Information Gateway also offers the National Adoption Directory, a searchable database listing public and licensed private agencies, attorney referral services, support groups, State adoption specialists, and more for each State, Territory, and the District of Columbia. These resources, as well as factsheets with specific information on special types of adoption (such as foster care or intercountry), can be found on the Child Welfare Information Gateway website.

Elements of the Home Study Process

There is no set format that adoption agencies use to conduct home studies. Many agencies include the following steps in their home study process, although the specific details and order will vary. For more information, talk with the agencies you are considering.

Training
Many agencies require trainings for prospective adoptive parents prior to or during the home study process. These trainings help prospective parents better understand the needs of children waiting for families and help families decide what type of child or children they could parent most effectively.

Interviews
You will probably be interviewed several times by the social worker. These interviews help you develop a relationship with your social worker that will enable him or her to better understand your family and assist you with an appropriate placement. You will discuss the topics addressed in the home study report (see below). You will likely be asked to explain how you handle stress and past experiences of crisis or loss. In the case of couples, some agency workers conduct all of the interviews jointly, with both prospective parents together. Others will conduct both joint and individual interviews. If families have adult children living outside the home, they also may be interviewed during this process.

Home Visit
Home visits primarily serve to ensure your home meets State licensing standards (e.g., working smoke alarms, safe storage of firearms, safe water, adequate space for each child, etc.). Some States require an inspection from the local health and fire departments in addition to the visit by the social worker. The agency will generally require the worker to see all areas of the house or apartment, including where the children will sleep, the basement, and the back yard. He or she will be looking for how you plan to accommodate a new family member (or members, if you are planning to adopt a sibling group). Social workers are not typically inspecting your housekeeping standards. A certain level of order is necessary, but some family clutter is expected. Some agencies would worry that people living in a “picture perfect” home would have a difficult time adjusting to the clutter a child brings to a household.

Health Statements
Most agencies require prospective adoptive parents to have some form of physical exam. Some agencies have specific requirements; for example, agencies that only place infants with infertile couples may require a physician to confirm the infertility. Other agencies just want to know the prospective parents are essentially healthy, have a normal life expectancy, and are physically and mentally able to handle the care of a child.

If you have a medical condition that is under control (for instance, high blood pressure or diabetes that is controlled by diet and medication), you may still be approved as an adoptive family. A serious health problem that affects life expectancy may prevent approval. If your family has sought counseling or treatment for a mental health condition in the past, you may be asked to provide reports from those visits. Many agencies view seeking help as a sign of strength; the fact that your family obtained such help should not, in and of itself, preclude you from adopting. However, each family’s situation is unique, so check with the agencies or social workers you are considering if you have concerns.

Income Statements
You do not have to be rich to adopt; you just have to show you can manage your finances responsibly and adequately. (Some countries may have specific income requirements for intercountry adoption.) Usually, prospective parents are asked to verify their income by providing copies of paycheck stubs, W-4 forms, or income tax forms. Many agencies also ask about savings, insurance policies (including health coverage for the adopted child), and other investments and debts.

Background Checks
Most States require criminal and child abuse record clearances for all adoptive and foster parent applicants. In many States, local, State, and Federal clearances are required. While the vast majority of prospective adoptive parents have no criminal or child abuse history, it is important for children’s safety to identify those few families who might put children at risk.

Public and private agencies need to comply with State laws and policies regarding how the findings of background checks affect eligibility for adoptive parents. However, do not hesitate to talk to agencies and social workers you are considering about specific situations that might disqualify you from adopting. Agencies are looking not just at your past experiences, but at what you’ve learned from them and how you would use that knowledge in parenting a child. Some agencies in some States may be able to work with your family, depending on the charge and its resolution. If the social worker feels you are being deceptive or dishonest, however, or if the documents collected during the home study process expose inconsistencies, the social worker may have difficulty trusting you.

Autobiographical Statement
Many adoption agencies ask prospective adoptive parents to write an autobiographical statement. This is, essentially, the story of your life. This statement helps the social worker better understand your family and assists him or her in writing the home study report (see below). If you are working with an agency that practices openness in adoption, you also may be asked to write a letter or create an album or scrapbook about your family to be shared with expectant birth parents to help them choose a family for their child.

While writing about yourself can be intimidating, the exercise is intended to provide information about you to the agency, as well as to help you explore issues related to the adoption. Some agencies have workers to assist you with the writing. Most have a set of questions to guide you through writing your autobiography.

References
The agency will probably ask you for the names, addresses, and telephone numbers of three or four individuals to serve as references for you. References help the social worker form a more complete picture of your family and support network.

If possible, references should be individuals who have known you for several years, who have observed you in many situations, and who have visited your home and know of your interest in and involvement with children. Most agencies require that references be people unrelated to you. Good choices might include close friends, an employer, a former teacher, a co-worker, a neighbor, or your pastor, rabbi, or leader of your faith community.

Approval would rarely be denied on the grounds of one negative reference alone. However, if it were one of several negative factors, or if several of the references were negative, the agency might be unable to approve the adoption.

The Home Study Report

Typically, the above steps culminate in the writing of a home study report that reflects the social worker’s findings. Home study reports often are used to “introduce” your family to other agencies or adoption exchanges (services that list children waiting for families) to assist in matching your family with a waiting child.

In general, home study reports include the above-mentioned health and income statements, background checks, and references, as well as the following types of information:

Family background. Descriptions of the applicants’ childhoods, how they were parented, past and current relationships with parents and siblings, key events and losses, and what was learned from them.

Education/employment. Applicants’ current educational level, satisfaction with their educational attainments, and any plans to further their education, as well as their employment status, history, plans, and satisfaction with their current jobs.

Relationships. If applicants are a couple, the report may cover their history together as well as their current relationship (e.g., how they make decisions, solve problems, communicate, show affection, etc.). If applicants are single, there will be information about their social life and how they anticipate integrating a child into it, as well as information about their network of relatives and friends.

Daily life. Routines, such as a typical weekday or weekend, plans for child care (if applicants work outside the home), hobbies, and interests.

Parenting. Applicants’ past experiences with children (e.g., their own, relatives’ children, neighbors, volunteer work, babysitting, teaching, or coaching), in addition to their plans regarding discipline and other parenting issues.

Neighborhood. Descriptions of the applicants’ neighborhood, including safety and proximity to community resources.

Religion. Information about the applicants’ religion, level of religious practice, and what kind of religious upbringing (if any) they plan to provide for the child.

Feelings about/readiness for adoption. There may be a section on specific adoption-related issues, including why the applicants want to adopt, feelings about infertility (if this is an issue), what kind of child they might best parent and why, and how they plan to talk to their children about adoption-related issues. If the agency practices openness, there may be information about how the applicants feel about birth families and how much openness with the birth family might work best. For more information, read Information Gateway’s Openness in Adoption: A Fact Sheet for Families.

Approval/recommendation. The home study report will conclude with a summary and the social worker’s recommendation. This often includes the age range and number of children for which the family is recommended.

Applicants also will be asked to provide copies of birth certificates, marriage licenses or certificates, and divorce decrees, if applicable. Some agencies allow prospective parents to read the home study report about themselves; others do not. You may want to ask the agency about the confidentiality of the home study report and how extensively your information will be shared. Agency policies vary greatly, depending on the type of agency and type of adoption. In many cases, the information will be shared with other agencies to help in matching the most appropriate child with your family. In some cases, the information may also be shared with birth parents or others.

Common Concerns About the Home Study

How long will the home study take?
The time it takes to conduct the home study will vary from agency to agency, depending on factors such as how many social workers are assigned to conduct home studies, what other duties they have, and how many other people applied to the agency at the same time. On average the home study process takes 3 to 6 months to complete. You can help speed up the process by filling out your paperwork, scheduling your medical appointments, and gathering the required documents without delay.

How much does a home study cost?
The cost of the home study depends on what kind of adoption you are pursuing. Agencies conducting domestic adoptions of children from foster care (such as your local Department of Social Services) may not charge a fee for the home study. If these agencies do charge a fee, they often are modest ($300 to $500), and once you adopt a child from foster care you can usually obtain reimbursement for this fee.

For domestic infant adoption, intercountry adoption, or independent adoption, a private agency or certified social worker in private practice might charge from $1,000 to $3,000 for the home study. Other services (such as an application fee and preplacement services) may be included in this fee. Be sure to discuss any fees thoroughly and ask for this information in writing to avoid any misunderstandings.

For more information about costs of adoption and resources to help defray those costs, see the Information Gateway factsheet, Cost of Adopting.

What might disqualify our family from adopting?
Aside from a criminal record or overriding safety concerns that would preclude agencies from approving your family under your State’s laws or policies, characteristics that might disqualify a family in one situation may be seen as strengths in another. Remember, agencies are not looking for “perfect” families. The home study process is a way for a social worker to learn more about your real family, as a potential home for real children.

Who may adopt varies from agency to agency, State to State, and by the child’s country of origin. Adoptions in the United States are governed by State law and regulations. Child Welfare Information Gateway has compiled States’ laws regarding who may adopt in Statutes at a Glance: Parties to an Adoption. Some States also have their policies posted online. The Information Gateway publication, State Child Welfare Agency Websites, has links to each State’s online adoption information. Within State guidelines, many agencies are looking for ways to rule families in rather than rule them out, to meet the needs of children in the U.S. foster care system waiting for adoptive families.

Thousands of children in the U.S. foster care system are waiting for families. The AdoptUsKids website provides a national online photolisting of children in foster care. Information Gateway offers a complete listing of State Child Welfare Agency Websites on its website.

How will the children in our family be involved in the home study?
Children in your family (whether they joined your family through birth, foster care, adoption, or marriage) will be included in the home study in some way. Older children may be invited to participate in age-appropriate groups during one or more of the educational sessions. They also might be asked to write a statement describing their feelings and preferences about having a new brother or sister.

The social worker will likely ask how the children do in school, what their interests and hobbies are, what their friends are like, and how their behavior is rewarded or disciplined. However, the emphasis will more likely be on how the children see a new sibling (or siblings) fitting into the family and whether they are prepared to share your time and attention. Children’s input is usually quite important in the overall assessment of a family’s readiness to adopt a child. The social worker will want to make sure that an adopted child or children will be wanted and loved by all family members from the start.

Conclusion

Although the adoption home study process may seem invasive or lengthy, it is conducted to help you decide whether adoption is right for your family, prepare your family for adoption, and help your family determine which type of child you could best parent. The process also serves to ensure children are placed in loving, caring, healthy, and safe environments.

Flexibility and a sense of humor are vital characteristics when raising children, and they can be useful during the home study process as well. With perseverance and a positive outlook, you will be able to team with the social worker to make this a valuable learning experience—one that will help you do the best possible job in parenting the child who will eventually join your family.

Looking for more on the adoption homestudy process?

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