A blog visitor asked:

I have been looking into adoption recently, and was discouraged about the costs. I would love any kind of advice, or information about making it more affordable. How can a lower income family afford it?

I took the question to our adoption forum members and this is what they suggested:

This is tough. I have to say it seems to be getting harder to do each time we pursue it. Further, adoption costs have gone up incredibly over the last six years and I feel they’ll continue to raise at a phenomenal rate. Here’s what we’ve done: re-financed our home at a much lower rate, and borrowing more to cover the cost of the adoption. In the end, we borrowed more $$ and brought our house payment down incredibly as well (lower interest rate). We’ve also borrowed from family; as well as used almost all of our savings. This is because we’ve chosen to adopt more than a couple of times……several times as a matter of fact.

I know some would encourage you to adopt through the foster to adopt state systems. While this means essentially no financial cost to the adoptive parents…….one must be careful to weigh the financial with the emotional costs to adopt in this manner. More often than not, adopting through the system will take (at least ) a moderate toll on the emotional well-being of family members. Be very prepared for this. This isn’t to imply foster/adopt situations can’t succeed; but they certainly aren’t like adopting babies and there is often a different way of raising these children—because of their past issues.

I’ve heard of people having yard sales, applying for grants, taking out adoption loans, etc. All of these are good. But, regardless of which direction you go, I’d say that paying for adoption means the couple will have to sacrifice in order to do so. There is a small percentage of people who are quite wealthy and have money sitting around for adoptions; but they’re not the majority. Most of us have to decide if the wants and desires of our hearts lie with having new homes, new cars every couple of years (or longer LOL), having a lot of material luxuries or paying fees in order to have children. IMO, that’s really the bottom line. Adoption isn’t for everyone; and for a lot of us, adopting children ranks higher than retirement, material comfort, and having that guaranteed nest egg for old age. Again, it’s a monetary sacrifice, and one that should be well considered before going into it.

Consider state waiting children, or minority children, or special needs children. If you don’t pay in a lot of taxes per year, the adoption tax credit won’t help very much. It only reduces what you owe to zero over the course of five years or 10k, whichever comes first. Any surplus credit is lost after five years.

Apply for grants, request information on need-based fee reductions, see if your state offers an adoption benefit amount to offset your costs. Many do. See if your employer offers an adoption benefit. Many people do private fundraisers, yard sales, etc. to help pay adoption expenses.

Really do your homework when choosing an agency or adoption professional. There can be drastic differences in fees, hidden costs, and the expectation that you pay some birthparent expenses. Many places don’t require you to pay any birthparent expenses.

We used savings, and temporarily home equity, and with both of our adoption I had a “timely” deal come through – just through SHEER LUCK. We didn’t borrow more than we knew we could recoup with the tax credit. Both time we adopted money was very tight from adoption date to tax time. – so nearly a year of monetary stress.

We were lucky in ways, my income had always been our “fun” money. Sure, we used some of it for living expenses, but because of Matt’s career, and mine, we couldn’t count on mine (he’s military, I’ve been strictly comission since I was 25), so our primary existing never touched my income.

My advice – save some money, however you can. Ebay stuff, garage sale stuff, put off buying a new car, furniture whatever. Have romantic dinners at home instead of restaurants- you can’t do that once you have kids (we had one of our anniversary dinners – complete with china and crystal in our formal dining room au natural), limit your gift giving – cards work for most people just fine, no one needs more junk. When it comes to work clothes buy 1 new suit per season per year. That way you have something up to date to wear when necessary, and perfectly acceptable stanbys the rest of the time – by 5 years old my suits were for office days only, not meeting days. But 4 years and younger – not enough difference to be out of style. Buy target instead of Victoria’s secret – yeah, I hate it too, but it does make a difference.

I do hate that when money comes up every one says consider state children, or special needs. I don’t think that it is fair to the kids to be only considered because of money issues. I think people need to look at the type of adoption that is right for their family….how they can best parent the kids they adopt first. Then look at the money. Certainly if special needs and older children are in their “range” then it is a great place to start, but money shouldn’t dictate the type of adoption.

Various foundations and donors enable special needs adoptions to happen with a greater frequency by advertising and offering grants. With greater visibility, these children are seen by prospective adoptive parents. Often, people are moved to inquiry by familiarity: perhaps a friend or relative has a similar condition, or there is another child in the home with the same handicap. After much discussion, personal research, and the home study, prospective adoptive parents interested in adopting special needs have a single child in mind. They are not waiting for a referral. They know what will be involved and how much they can handle. They have looked for networks in the community for support and education. They have sought medical guidance. Their homestudies are specifically approved for the adoption of a special needs child.

Family and church gave us a little money, but the bulk of our adoption costs came from a personal line of credit. I have found that since we adopted, our credit union offers a loan program specifically for adoption.

We are not adopting until we have the total costs of the money saved. It sucks, and I fight with dh about it all the time, but in the end I know it will be best. The monthly amount of money we’re saving each month for adoption will then be used to save for our kid’s college once we do have a baby. I want a baby more than I want air somedays, but I need dh’s support and he refused to be in debt when we can make sacrifices now, wait a while, and save. I’ve wanted to adopt for almost 2 years now, and we’re not planning to start until 1-1-11 (or 1-2-11 since I doubt the social worker will do our homestudy on New Year’s Day). Almost 4 years is a long time to wait when we’ve already waited long enough, but we’ll have it paid in full including all anticipated travel costs (dh is a financial planner so he has included the costs for EVERYTHING).

Dealing the fees was difficult for us to. It helped us to finalize our decision on what country to go to. We were always heading towards China and the fact that it is one of the cheapest countries didn’t hurt. It sucks that we have to think about it that way but we have to be able to afford to raise the baby once they come home and we couldn’t spend all our money on the adoption.

We’ve been saving up and with the international adoption we get to pay a little here and a little there, which helps. I found an organization that gives interest free loans to Jewish families, so we’ve looked into that. And my parents have offered to help, which I hate to do, being that I’m 39 and should I really still be getting help from my parents, but the hell with it… they have it and they are happy to share! We had spent so much money on fertility and it just never seems to end. I’m just amazed at it all… there are so many kids out there that need a good home and we all have good homes and want kids, why does it have to be so damn difficult?

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Networking and communication is an important part of getting out the word that you’re looking to adopt. You never know how, or where you’ll connect with someone seeking an adoption plan for their unborn child. We asked our forum members how they go about spreading the word and we’d love to hear from our blog readers as well.

Here’s what some of them suggested:

We had spread our desire to adopt through word of mouth only. The possibility of adoption was a subject that came up often during the course of our miscarriages and infertility treatments. My doctor had even indicated that he was often made aware of situations through his work as an OB/GYN. Family members who often had unwanted and unsolicited advice, were also aware of our desire to adopt and often alerted us to possible situations. My husband’s job brought him into contact with many people during the course of the week, and our first situation was through a co-worker who was friends with a tenant in one of the apartment complexes.

There are much better and more wide-spread ways to network, but this simple form of spreading the word, brought us 3 situations over the course of one year.

I spoke with our adoption attorney for suggestions. We signed up with an agency she (the attorney) knew about; but then I kind of went out on my own. Actually, we learned more from venturing out on our own, than from anyone else.

We knew that we could adopt from other states other than our own, simply because we had relatives and friends in those particular states for the most part. I literally sat down with the computer, Googled those particular states with, “adoption agencies in XX(state)’
A long list came up each time, and I printed it off. I then sat down with pencil and paper and called any/all that I thought looked promising. Even if/when these agencies wouldn’t/couldn’t deal with us, I still learned sooo much just from questions and answers from them! And, then there were those I DID find out would/could work with us, and actually sent our profiles to them, as most would say they ‘often/always needed families wanting to adopt African American babies’.

I kept a spiral notebook with all of the contacts and phone conversations I had. In this way, I was also able to make remarks as to why or why not that particular agency did/didn’t meet with my liking. It helped immensely!!!! And honestly, there were those who might not have been able to help us (due to higher fees or not being able to deal with people outside of state), but they’d give the name of another attorney or agency we might be able to work with!

In this way then, when I’d see postings of available babies and the agencies that were handling the adoptions, I’d often know right up front whether I wanted to even call them or not. And….this info has helped others who needed info about a certain agency as well.

And, like I said, we sent out a lot of profiles to many of these agencies with the idea of ‘just in case’. In the last adoption, we were called for our baby, simply because I had had a lengthy conversation with one caseworker about their fees and our family! Even though I told them their fees were higher than we could afford, they called us because this was a special situation for them (and a stork baby, besides). They’d never seen our profile……but because of the conversation, we have our baby!!!

I kept everything written down of who and what agency/attorney I told with and the outcome. I sent profiles all over the place. Probably spent close to $500 worth of those things out! I checked the Forever Parents adoption forums regularly and other sites that listed hard to place situations. It was a member of Forever Parents who saw our son’s situation and shared it with the group.

Also, although I did not do this, I have heard of potential adoptive parents making business cards and putting them in everything they mail out (such a bills, etc) and posting them on cork boards at colleges, restaurants, etc. to get the word out they are looking to adopt. I always worried this could be an easy way to invite an adoption scam into my life so I didn’t do it.

We did nothing but wait for the right matches to come through our agency. They were dealing with about 20-30 placing mothers a year, and they aimed to keep 20 couples in The Book at a time.

I have become acquainted with Jeff at ParentGallery.com. He offers an affordable alternative to a.com’s ParentPages. He is kind enough to offer 2 free months to my clients. Another possible resource might be myadoptionadvisor.com/

We told our families (which are very large and nationwide), friends, co-workers, friends on Facebook and take advantage of every oppurtunity to tell someone when the topic of children comes up which happens quite often. We will also send our profile to the the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys once our certification to adopt is approved.

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Debbie Schwartz, program coordinator for Adoption Connection: Jewish Family Services of Greenwich, and a valued member of our adoption forums, is the guest for tonight’s Adoption Angle’s webcast at 9 pm EST /6 pm PST.

Click here to watch live . You can login, watch Debbie, and type in questions and comments for her.
Click here to watch the archived interview (Click on the May 19 episode to watch the 60 minute show).

Some of the topics Debbie hopes to cover tonight are:
• What is Forever Families Weekend and why did I start the program?
• Is there such a thing as a “religion of origin?”
• Is a change of religion from birth family to adoptive family another loss in the adoption experience?
• How does religion factor into the developmental search for identity that EVERY child goes through and that is often more complicated for adoptees?
• Are we, as adults in the adoption community, ignoring something that needs to be addressed?
• Of course, children who join their families through adoption need to be full members of those families, so being raised in their “religion of origin” would create just as many issues as it might solve, so how do we address this? Is it enough just to acknowledge it?
• When we talk with adoptees about ways in which their adoptive and birth families differ, how do we address this issue (with the idea that we need to make that process less emotionally charged)?

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One of the members at our adoption forums is considering adopting a sibling group of older children. She asked for some advice and I wanted to share her questions, and my answers here for our readers that may have the same questions.

What makes that difference between good and horrible?

With my kids (half bio. siblings), the difference was what age they were removed from their abuser, how many foster homes they were in and how they were treated by their foster families. My kids would make a perfect case study because you can actually document how each of those factors play a role in their lives. J was removed from their abusive home at 9 months, in her four years in foster care was only in two homes (one for 1 year, the other for 3 years) and both of those families loved and nurtured her as if she was their own. J is now an emotionally healthy, loving 11 year old who is smart, compassionate and thoughtful. S was removed from her abuser on her 4th birthday, in her four years in foster care was only in two homes (one for 1 year, the other for 3 years) but the first family that she lived with treated her like an outsider. C was removed from his abuser at 6 and spent his first year in foster care in four foster homes because he was so angry nobody wanted him. He was never given the opportunity to bond with anyone and that permanently damaged him.

What advice could you offer to me as I assess these children & situations?

Read 15 Questions For An Older Child Adoption on the Forever Parents blog. Linny wrote it a while ago and it’s a very helpful tool in assessing a situation.
Read some of the posts in the Older Child category on the Forever Parents blog. Look in the left sidebar for the category listings.
Read Adopting The Hurt Child by Gergory Keck. You can follow the link and buy it through our adoption shop. In my opinion, this is the most honest book about older child adoption out there and is still on my book shelf. The companion book is Parenting The Hurt Child and is a book I refer to often, even after six years.

What can I know now that will help me better understand the children true abilities/challenges/struggles?

Every child is different. C is still struggling with a lot of the same issues that we dealt with the first year. Nothing I do seems to make a difference, and that is so incredibly frustrating. I have come to the realization that I’ve done all I can and the rest is up to him. S healed from so many of her issues and then BAM…out of no where some of them started to crop back up. I know that kids who have been through abuse and trauma revisit a lot of issues later on, but it’s so hard when I’ve already seen the light at the end of her tunnel with her. Are you prepared for the possibility that they may never 100% heal and that you will become the target of their hurt and anger?

What about you? I’d love to hear from some of our readers. How would you answer her questions, based on your own experiences?

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Are you on facebook?

Stop by and join our facebook group and become a fan of our facebook page . You’ll make connections with our blog readers and our adoption forum members. After you join, you can share the link to your adoption blog or business as long as it’s adoption friendly and not spam.

While you’re there, feel free to friend me! I’m also on twitter!

See you around the ‘net!

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The weekend before Christmas has become the time when we host our annual get together with my children’s former foster parents.  I’ve posted about them before but for those of you that are new to our blog or adoption forum, let me backtrack a bit.

When we adopted our children, they were 5, 8 and 11 and had been in the foster system for 4 years, the last three being spent with foster parents Pat & Bill.  Over the several months spent getting to know our kids, before we finalized the adoption, we also got to know Pat & Bill quite well. They were a source of information and insight into these three children, each of which had their own story to tell. Early on I felt it was important to keep ties with them, if for no other reason but to stop the cycle of caregivers coming in and out of my children’s lives. I’ve written about this in more detail so I won’t get to far off track here but out of that came our annual Christmas get together. What makes it even more special is that a boy, Lance who lived with Pat & Bill during the same time, got adopted by a couple that lives in our city and they come also. They have since adopted Lance’s biological brother and Pat & Bill always bring their current foster children so this year we had six adults and eight kids. It would have been nine but my son won’t be home until later this month. More about that in another post.

If you are a foster parent, please know that you are making a difference in that child’s life. Nurturing and love can go a long way for a child that is hurting and by providing that, you are helping to heal their heart. You have my admiration and my thanks.

Okay – on to the festivities!

I take a picture of each of my kids with Pat & Bill every year and it’s really something to see the change from year to year! Here’s Jacqueline (11) and Shawna (14).

That’s me poking my head out around Chris. He’s the dad that adopted Lance and Michael.

That’s my husband Billy talking with Chris.

I hope you had a wonderfully joyful holiday!

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A few months ago, we had a conversation on the adoption forums about what we felt were the most common myths about adoption, specifically about those of us who adopt a child.

One of the myths that was posted several times was about adoption being a “last resort” or something we HAVE TO do:

“All adoptive parents “have to” adopt because they can’t “have their own” children. Reality: lots of families CHOOSE to adopt for lots of different reasons, including medical, religious, etc. that do NOT include infertility. The corollary to this myth is that adoption is a family’s second choice”.

“Adoption is the always the last choice after trying all other fertility options “

“You only chose to adopt after spending tons of money trying to have a child “Naturally”.

“Adoption is the always the last choice after trying all other fertility options ”

“They are infertile and adopt because they can’t have their “own” children (often not the case”

Another myth that came up was that somehow you can’t love an adopted child as much as a biological child.

“That no adoptive parent can really love an adopted child as much as they love ‘their own’”

“You could never really love a kid that isn’t “yours”.”

“You can’t love a child unless they are genetically related to you”

A few members brought up that people think you had to be rich to adopt.

“It is a myth that you need lots of money or have to own a home, have a huge savings accounts, be of a certain age, etc”.

“You have to be rich to adopt”

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This was submitted by one of our adoption forum members.

My husband and I adopted six children through foster care and have three biological ones. Depending where you live you might have to become a foster parent if you are looking to adopt via the foster care system. In our state, there are subsidized and un-subsidized adoptions, depending on the need. Many times a child who is physically or mentally challenged needs a family and a medical subsidy will keep them on their health insurance when they require various therapy treatments.

All nine of our children have grown into great men and woman. Sure we had our ups and downs, but every family does. The biggest hurdle in my experience was making sure that each child got over the fear of abandonment.

One of my daughters, as she was becoming a young mother herself, was angry at her biological mother and she said, “Mom, how could she have left me like that and not loved me enough”. I said it’s not that she wasn’t loved enough, it can come down to survival, money and the ability to overcome addiction, among other reasons. Several years later that same daughter at her dads (my husband) funeral stood up and spoke. She ended with “He was my dad and he didn’t have to be. He picked me to be his daughter”.

Adoption is one of the greatest gifts given to us, we are so lucky to have been able to expand our family into a very large and happy one through the love of adoption.

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Written by Debbie Schwartz, who is a source of inspiration at our adoption forum and is the Program Coordinator for Adoption Connection at Jewish Family Services of Greenwich in Connecticut.

When you think of the books you loved as a child, what images come to your mind? Many of us remember bedtime rituals that included Goodnight, Moon and Pat the Bunny or a Halloween tradition that included The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. If you have strong memories of these or other books, chances are that what you remember most are the warm feelings associated with having a loving caregiver (parent, grandparent, favorite babysitter, etc.) reading those books to you.

As parents, we read aloud to our children for several reasons. Reading to our children promotes literacy. It fosters bonding and attachment by creating those shared memories and experiences that are such a formative part of our upbringing. The choice of books that we read helps teach our children things that we want them to know, such as our family values. And reading to our children provides an opportunity to talk with our children about things that we think are important.

For families formed through adoption, this opportunity to open a dialogue is the best argument for making sure that your home library includes a wide range of books about adoption. Books such as Jamie Lee Curtis’s Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born or My Family is Forever by Nancy Carlson introduce adoption concepts in a positive way. When we read these books to our children we are modeling for them both the vocabulary of adoption and the idea that talking about adoption is acceptable and valuable. Other books, such as The Family Book by Todd Parr or Nina Pelligrini’s Families are Different introduce many types of family formations, helping children accept that adoption is just one way in which families might differ from one another.

As parents reading aloud to our children, we can use these books and stories of adoption to elicit our children’s feelings. For example, we might stop at an illustration and comment “When I look at the boy in this picture I feel sad because…” or “I think the girl in this story feels…” Sometimes we might ask our children to respond (e.g. “And what do you think?”) and other times we might let the moment pass. In either case, it’s important for us to reinforce the idea that sharing feelings is a positive and important part of being in a family. If we set the stage for our children to share their feelings with us when they are young, they are much more likely to come to us to share their feelings when they are older, and when those feelings become more complicated.

Books that talk about feelings in general, such as When Sophie Gets Angry…Really Really Angry or In My Heart by Molly Bang or Dave Cutler’s When I Wished I Was Alone are also valuable for adoptive families, although neither talks about adoption. Instead, these books help children understand how to identify and describe some of the feelings they may have. Another good example of this type of book is Jamie Lee Curtis’s book Today I Feel Silly: And Other Moods that Make My Day .

Our children will have different feelings about adoption as they grow – sometimes minute by minute! Having a range of books in your home library will help your children process these feelings and understand that these feelings (and the fact that they change) are a normal part of growing up.

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Traveling To Meet Your Child:
Written by Debbie Schwartz, who is a tremendous asset to our adoption forum and is the Program Coordinator for Adoption Connection at Jewish Family Services of Greenwich in Connecticut.

Congratulations!  After all of your hard work, the time to travel to meet your child is finally here (or almost here).  Since you can expect to be overtired, a little anxious, and, quite possibly, overwhelmed, a little advance planning can go a long way toward helping you cope. In order to help you prepare for your trip, here are a few of our favorite tips and tricks to make your adoption travel less stressful.  International travelers should check with their country program coordinator for any specific items that may be required.

Domestic Travel

First – and most important – keep in mind that anything you forget (or decide you can’t live without) can be purchased at local supermarkets, drugstores, and baby/children’s stores such as Babies ‘R’ Us.

Anticipating an extended stay?  Ship a small box of essential items ahead of time. If you’re traveling with an older sibling, this is a great way to be sure s/he will have some favorite books and toys to play with while you wait for permission to return home.  Clothes that will only be used in your destination city (e.g. bathing suits if you’re traveling to a warm climate from a winter one) are a great example of items you can send by parcel post.  Ask your local agency or attorney about short-term rental apartments or extended stay hotels.

Go to the bank before you leave. Don’t forget a few rolls of quarters (great for laundry machines) and singles for tipping in the airports.  You’ll have your hands full, especially on the return trip.  Pamper yourself and let a porter carry your luggage.

You may be able to attend the birth of your child.  If you are planning to be in the delivery room, pack some snacks and a sweatshirt!  Labor can take a long time – you might need a quick granola bar to tide you over – and delivery rooms tend to be kept at cooler temperatures.  Don’t forget a camera, but be sure to talk to your birthmother ahead of time to see how she feels about pictures.  Remember that even if the two of you agreed to something ahead of time, she may feel differently in the moment.  Respecting her wishes – and her privacy – is the most important part of building a positive relationship with her.  (Don’t be afraid to ask to cut the umbilical cord!)

If you expect to be spending time at the hospital, ask your agency or attorney or call the hospital social worker to find out their adoption policies.  Most hospitals will allow prospective adoptive parents to attend the daily classes for new mothers, covering topics such as feeding, diapering, and bathing newborns.   Be sure to request the new baby “care package” from the nursery.  Typically this freebie includes an insulated diaper bag, diapers, bulb syringe, and other items.  The hospital will also give you infant formula in glass bottles and disposable nipples.  Take as much as they will give you!

Many hospitals ban cell phone use. Prepaid phone cards are a great way to keep in touch if you need to use a pay phone (yes, they still exist) or a hospital phone.  If you have a telephone calling card linked to your home phone, be sure to memorize the code or write it down and bring it with you.  On a similar note, make sure you have the remote codes for your answering machine or voice mail system.  If you’re out of town longer than expected, you’ll need to be able to delete, rewind, and playback messages as well as change your outgoing announcement to share your good news.

Adopting a newborn? Be sure you have an infant car seat!  You can research ahead of time to decide what brand and style you want.  Either purchase at home and take it with you or order in advance and arrange to pick it up at a store in your destination city.  If you’re superstitious and don’t want to buy one ahead of time, you can borrow from a friend – but be sure the car seat is less than five years old and has not been involved in any car accidents.  Even a minor fender bender can cause invisible stress fractures inside the seat – making it unsafe in case of another, even minor, accident.  Be sure to ask your local police department to show you how to install a car seat properly before leaving home.

Use the internet wisely. A little advance research into your destination city can provide tourist information (helpful for finding places to entertain older siblings, for example) and maps.  Find out in advance if your hotel or apartment will have internet access.  Otherwise, investigate other options such as the nearest public library or stores such as Kinko’s (which charge a small internet access fee).  Be sure to pack a USB cable (if necessary) so that you can download photos from your digital camera and send them to family and friends waiting impatiently at home.

International Travel

Your agency or country program coordinator will provide you with a suggested packing list.  Be sure to pack everything they suggest that you bring…they’re the experts!

In addition, plan ahead for minor medical issues.  Pack a thermometer and make sure you know how to use it before you travel.  Bring infant or children’s Tylenol.  Know which one you are carrying and how to determine the correct dose (by weight) for your child.  If the child is over six months of age, ask your pediatrician to recommend an over-the-counter decongestant that will be safe for you to use if necessary.  Ask your pharmacist for an infant dosing syringe (there’s no needle) and a children’s dosing spoon.  Write down the correct dose by weight for each medication you have with you.  Consult your pediatrician or an international adoption medical professional to decide whether to carry antibiotics.  Carry your pediatrician’s phone number with you.

Do not bring baby formula from home unless instructed to do so by your international agency or country program coordinator.  Keep your child on his/her current diet until you return home. Be sure to ask the local program staff for a list of current foods (for older children) or for current feeding quantities (for babies still on formula).  Pack a few vinyl bibs, especially if you are adopting an older child. These wipe clean easily!

In each suitcase pack some clothes for each person traveling.  If one suitcase is lost en route, you will still have some clothes to wear.  Pack clothes in a few different sizes for your child.  If you find that some are too small for him/her when you arrive, donate them to the orphanage or children’s home.  Make copies of each traveler’s passport and place them inside each suitcase in case of emergency.  Include an emergency contact name and phone number.  Add extra copies of your passport photos in case your passports need to be replaced.  Place all of this into a sealed plastic bag.

Put the “drug bag” into your carry-on and be sure to include anti-diarrheal medicine, antacid, cold medicine, and antibiotics (for adults).  Bring copies of prescriptions for any prescription medicine you are carrying.  Go online the week before you travel to check for any updates or changes to travel restrictions (e.g. quantity of liquids, etc.).

Invest in quality hand-held luggage carts. These will prove invaluable in terms of navigating airports and train stations – especially once you are also carrying a child.  Consider purchasing a sling or other soft-sided baby carrier.  These store flat in your luggage and promote bonding with your new child.  Be sure you know how to assemble and wear the carrier properly before leaving home.  Practice with a friend’s child of similar age and size if possible!

Go to the bank before you leave.Purchase travelers checks.  Ask if your ATM card can be used overseas and whether your PIN code needs an extension.  (In many countries PIN codes are six digits.)  Don’t forget singles for tipping in the airports.  You’ll have your hands full, especially on the return trip.  Pamper yourself and let a porter carry your luggage.

Be sure you can phone home. Call your cellular phone company to find out if your phone can be used overseas.  Check with your telephone calling card company to find out how to dial home from your destination country.  Consider purchasing prepaid phone cards for use overseas.

Pack duct tape and a bath towel. Depending on where you are traveling, the towels may be small and rough.  The duct tape?  Hey, you never know!  Good for everything from fixing ripped luggage to creating a small, hacky-sack type of ball to distract a cranky child (or partner!), the duct tape may just keep you sane in a moment of insanity.

Domestic and International Travel

Take an extra suitcase – the type that folds flat inside your suitcase – since you are likely to be coming home with more things than you took with you.  Also be sure to pack a copy of the book “What to Expect the First Year” or “What to Expect the Toddler Years” so you have a quick reference by your side.  Pack your camera or camcorder (or both).  Include the USB cable if necessary.  Don’t forget extra batteries!

Pack a night light or a flashlight! In unfamiliar surroundings, late night feedings and diaper changes will be a lot easier if you shed some light on the subject.  Having a night light or flashlight handy means you don’t have to wake your spouse/partner or travel companion, which is helpful if you’re working in shifts.  Keeping the lights low also helps keep newborns sleepy!  Pack power food such as granola bars, nutrition bars, or trail mix to keep you going.

For the return trip, be sure to pack extra formula or food.  You never know when a flight will be delayed or canceled.  If you’re stuck in an airport, especially overseas, you may not be able to find what you’re looking for.  Call ahead of time to see if a pediatrician’s note is necessary for your infant (especially a newborn) to fly.  Also check with the airline about special customer service to waive penalties or other special considerations for adoption travel.

Don’t forget that you’ll need extra time to do absolutely everything on the return.  Even if you are already a parent, you’re not used to traveling with this child.  It takes longer to do things with an infant or child but don’t worry, you’ll learn quickly!

The diaper bag counts as a carry-on, so plan accordingly.  However, if your baby or child has a paid ticket, s/he’s entitled to a carry-on, too.  Babies travel half-price if you buy a seat.  For a toddler, bring an umbrella stroller.  The airline will gate check the umbrella stroller as you board the plane and return it to you as you exit.

Leave someone the keys to your house, especially if you leave on short notice.  Have all of your important paperwork (copies of passports, adoption-related documents, travelers check ID numbers, etc.) in a folder or box on the kitchen table.  Be sure this person knows where to find everything in case they need to send or fax paperwork, etc.

Stock your freezer before you go. Pack food into one- or two-person serving containers.  You’ll want to be able to microwave a quick meal for yourself, not cook, once you return.  Leave a short “essentials” shopping list with a close friend or family member (e.g. milk, juice, etc.).  Ask them to purchase these items and have them waiting for you the day you return.

And the number one travel tip:  zip-lock bags!  Take a box of sandwich bags (for those breakable glass formula bottles) and a box of one gallon bags in your luggage.  On the way home, be sure to put some of each size in an easy-to-reach pocket of your carry-on bag.  Zip-lock bags are a necessity for emergencies such as leaky diapers, soiled clothes, and snacks.

Please be sure you have contact information for your agency/attorney/program coordinator with you.  They should be available to advise and support you while you are traveling to meet your child.  For domestic adoption, they can troubleshoot, if necessary, with the sending agency and can place calls on your behalf to interstate compact offices and, for international adoption, to embassy officials.

Finally, ENJOY! You only get to meet your child for the first time once in your life.  Make the most of it.

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