Adoption Support at Forever Parents » adoption education

Families Change: A Book for Children Experiencing Termination of Parental Rights

Joanne — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 23:47:38 +0000

All families change over time. Sometimes a baby is born, or a grown-up gets married. And sometimes a child gets placed in foster care. Children need to know that when this happens, it’s not their fault. When a child gets adopted they need to understand that they can remember and value their birth family and love their new family, too. Straightforward words and full-color illustrations offer hope and support for children facing or experiencing change. This title includes resources (more…)

Tags: Adopted, adoptee, adoptees, adopting a child, adopting children, adoption books, adoption education, adoption message, adoption resource, adoption story, adoption support, adoptive families, adoptive parents, biological mother, birth family, child adoptions, Children, Childrens Adoption Books, closed adoptions, Family, foster care, foster care children, foster care system, foster mother, foster parents, fostering children, Older Child Adoption, parents of adopted children, termination of parental rights

Enjoy A Frosty This Weekend And Support Adoption

Joanne — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 12:52:33 +0000

This Father’s Day Weekend (June 20-21), Wendy’s is helping consumers treat Dad and help foster children at the same time. Wendy’s third annual Father’s Day Frosty Weekend provides an easy and tasty way to support the cause of foster care adoption and help the more than 129,000 children in the U.S. who are waiting for the love of forever families.

During Father’s Day Weekend, Wendy’s will donate 50¢ from every Frosty product sold to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption (DTFA), a national, non-profit public charity dedicated to dramatically increasing the number of adoptions of foster children in North America. Also customers can stop by Wendy’s and donate to the cause by purchasing a Frosty pin-up for $1 each.

“The Wendy’s system is very proud to be involved with this special event that supports the cause that our founder, Dave Thomas, was most passionate about – finding a permanent and loving home for every child in the foster care system,” said Wendy’s President David Karam, who serves on the board of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

“This is our third year for Father’s Day Frosty Weekend and we’ve set our fundraising goal at $1.7 million! We hope families will find this an enjoyable way to celebrate Father’s Day while making a difference in the lives of foster children.”

After raising more than $1 million in 2007 and over $1.5 million in 2008 during Father’s Day Frosty Weekend, Wendy’s remains committed to supporting the cause of foster care adoption in the U.S.

The money raised during the weekend will support the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and its signature program: Wendy’s Wonderful Kids (WWK). This program is filling a critical need by funding full-time adoption professionals at local agencies in all 50 states to match parents with waiting foster care children.

The success of WWK is due to the ongoing partnership between the DTFA, the Wendy’s system of 6,600 company and franchise operated restaurants and local adoption partners. The Foundation grants funds to qualified adoption organizations, and holds the agencies accountable for achieving agreed-upon results. The Wendy’s system raises more than $7 million annually to fund the local WWK programs.

“We’re very proud of how far the program has come in such a short time. But even with all that’s been achieved, there are still thousands of children in foster care still waiting to be adopted.” said Rita Soronen, executive director of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

“We believe Wendy’s Wonderful Kids is the solution, and that the program will become even stronger with the support of Wendy’s customers during Father’s Day Weekend.”

Join Wendy’s in supporting foster care adoption – stop by Wendy’s during Father’s Day Frosty Weekend, June 20-21, for a special treat

The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption
The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a non-profit 501(c)3 public charity dedicated to dramatically increasing the adoptions of the more than 150,000 children in North America’s foster care systems ready to be adopted. Created by Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas who was adopted as a child, the Foundation leads programs such as Wendy’s Wonderful Kids, which puts adoption recruiters in all 50 states and Canada to find permanent, loving families for children in the foster care system, and Adoption-Friendly Workplace, which encourages employers to offer adoption benefits to their employees. The Foundation also works with adoption advocates and officials to streamline the adoption process and make adoption more affordable for families. As the only Foundation dedicated exclusively to foster care adoption, it is driven by its founder’s simple value: Do what’s best for the child. To learn more about the Foundation’s work, please visit www.DaveThomasFoundationforAdoption.org.

Thank you to the many folks across the nation for buying a frosty and helping children who wait for adoption. Last year’s efforts raised more than $1.5 million!

Tags: Adoption, adoption education, Adoption Events, adoption news, dave thomas foundation for adoption, foster care, Older Child Adoption, Special Needs Adoption, Transracial Adoption

Support Adoption And Send A Free E-card For Fathers Day

Joanne — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 21:56:43 +0000

It’s no secret around here that I am a big supporter of the work The Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption does. Now you can help and it won’t cost you a thing.

Create and send a free fathers days e-card, or choose a celebrity created one through their site Frosty Card and Wendy’s will donate 25 cents to
The Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption.

Father’s day is this Sunday so stop by their site and send a card today!

Reposted at the Forever Parents Adoption Forums.

Tags: adoptees, Adoption, adoption education, Adoption Events, adoption news, adoption resource, dave thomas foundation for adoption, foster care, Older Child Adoption, Special Needs Adoption, Transracial Adoption

‘Jockey’ Adoption Services & Programs

Joanne — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:01:32 +0000

I’m excited to pass along this terrific program to you, made possible by Jockey (yes, the underwear company – lol). They are working with families who adopted through foster care to provide them with post-adoption support such as respite and parent support groups. As you know, we adopted three children though foster care and often gripe on this blog about the lack of services offered to those of us who have adopted foster children.

Here’s some information from their website:

Jockey Being Family (TM) is Jockey’s corporate citizenship initiative dedicated to strengthening adoptive families for successful futures. Jockey launched Jockey Being Family (TM) in 2005. Jockey hopes to lead the charge in raising awareness of the need for expanding the availability of post-adoption services to make a difference in the lives of adoptive families. Adoption is a lifelong journey. Jockey’s goal is to provide support to adoptive families along the road, to help ensure that these adoptive families can truly be “forever families.”

Jockey International is a privately-held, family-owned, Midwest company and our brand values have long reflected a genuine commitment to families. Family and children have always been important to Jockey and adoption is an issue close to the hearts of our employees.

After months of research and careful consideration of issues where Jockey could make a significant impact on American families, we learned that post-adoption services support and resources for parents and children after the adoptions are legally finalized were scarce. Jockey also learned that no corporation was championing this important area of adoption. We realized that this was where Jockey could make the largest, most targeted impact.

We believe that by strengthening adoptive families, we can help ensure permanence for children who are awaiting a “forever family.” As a brand and company, Jockey is committed to satisfying the human need for comfort and we believe that helping families to stay strong is one of the best ways we can express and fulfill this belief.

Our mission is to engage employees in meaningful volunteer activities; raise awareness of the need for post-adoption services; and build recognition of Jockey’s corporate citizenship. Through partnerships we have developed with local and national nonprofit organizations, Jockey provides funding, employee volunteers and in-kind donations to support post-adoption services efforts and help build “forever families.”

You can help support adoption services with the purchase of this adorable bear for only $8.50. For each bear sold, Jockey will donate $3 to various adoption organizations.

I’m going to buy one for each of my kids. You can also try to win one at Dories Diaries

Tags: adopting a child, adopting children, Adoption, adoption education, adoption gifts, Adoption Programs, advocate for adoption, child adoptions, foster care, Older Child Adoption, parents of adopted children, Special Needs Adoption, Transracial Adoption

National Adoption Day 2008

Joanne — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:45:49 +0000

National Adoption Day is a collective national effort to raise awareness of the 129,000 children in foster care waiting to find permanent, loving families. For the last eight years, National Adoption Day has made the dreams of thousands of children come true by working with courts, judges, attorneys, adoption professionals, child welfare agencies and advocates to finalize adoptions and find permanent, loving homes for children in foster care.

Celebrated in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico, more than 300 events are held each year throughout the country to finalize the adoptions of children in foster care, and to celebrate all families who adopt. In total, more than 20,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day. This year, National Adoption Day will be Saturday, November 15, 2008.

Goals of National Adoption Day 2008
• Finalize adoptions from foster care in all 50 states and the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico
• Celebrate and honor all families who adopt
• Raise awareness about the 129,000 children in foster care waiting for adoption
• Encourage others to adopt children from foster care
• Build collaboration among local adoption agencies, courts, and advocacy organizations
• Communicate availability and need for post-adoptive services

History of National Adoption Day
In just eight years, National Adoption Day has truly grown from nine events in its first year to more than 300 events in 2007, with 4,300 adoptions finalized in 2007 as part of more than 300 events in all 50 states and the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.

National Adoption Day Sponsors
A coalition of national partners – The Alliance for Children’s Rights, Casey Family Services, Children’s Action Network, Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute, Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, and Freddie Mac Foundation – sponsor National Adoption Day to draw special attention to foster children waiting for permanent families and to celebrate all loving families that adopt.

National Adoption Day Coalition Partners
The Alliance for Children’s Rights – The Alliance for Children’s Rights is Los Angeles’ only free legal
services organization devoted solely to helping children living in poverty and foster care. The Alliance’s mission is to ensure children get the support and services they need to become healthy, productive adults. Since 1992, The Alliance has worked together with the Los Angeles Juvenile Court and the Department of Children and Family Services to expedite and increase the number of children adopted from Los Angeles foster care.

Casey Family Services – Casey Family Services is the direct service agency of the Annie E. Casey
Foundation, the nation’s largest private foundation serving fragile U.S. children, families and communities, started by United Parcel Service founder Jim Casey. Casey Family Services has worked with foster and adoptive families for nearly 30 years and is dedicated to helping build better futures for disadvantaged children here in the United States.

Children’s Action Network – Formed in 1990 by leaders in the entertainment industry, the Children’s
Action Network (CAN) is dedicated to improving the lives of America’s children. Through extensive public education campaigns, community-based programs and policy initiatives, CAN uses the power of the entertainment community to increase awareness about children’s issues and make them a top priority in everyday life.

The Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute – The Congressional Coalition on Adoption
Institute (CCAI) is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to raising awareness about children in need of permanent, safe, and loving homes; and to eliminating the barriers that hinder these children from realizing their basic need of a family. CCAI serves as an informational and educational resource to policymakers as they seek to draft positive adoption legislation and to focusing public attention on the advantages of adoption.

Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption – The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a leading
partner of National Adoption Day, a collaborative national effort to raise awareness of the 129,000
children in foster care waiting to find permanent, loving families and to celebrate all families who adopt. By drawing attention to the joy of thousands of children who have finally found their “forever families,” the Foundation and its partners hope to encourage even more families to consider adopting a child out of foster care.

Freddie Mac Foundation – Created by Freddie Mac in 1991, the Freddie Mac Foundation is dedicated to making home a place where children and families thrive. As the largest corporate funder in the
Washington, DC metropolitan area, Freddie Mac and the Freddie Mac Foundation have invested more
than $348 million in organizations serving the community.

Tags: adoptees, adoption education, Adoption Events, adoption news, Adoption Programs, advocate for adoption, choosing adoption, domestic infant adoption, foster care, Older Child Adoption, parents of adopted children, Special Needs Adoption, Transracial Adoption

Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption Announces Top 100 Adoption-Friendly Workplaces in America

Joanne — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:47:47 +0000

(Dublin, OH – May 1, 2008) It’s the list that prompted policy change. After the first Best Adoption-Friendly Workplaces in America list debuted in 2007, more than 50 organizations nationwide established or enhanced their adoption benefits for 2008. As a result, employers who made the top 100 list released today by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption offered more robust adoption benefits packages this year to make it. Wendy’s International, Inc. ranked #1 and was among those who expanded benefits in response to the 2007 rankings. (Editor’s note: The foundation is not an affiliate of Wendy’s International, Inc.)

The benefits package that has Wendy’s topping the list offers employees up to $23,300 in financial reimbursement and six weeks of paid leave per adoption. In 2007, the company provided $7,000 and the same amount of paid leave.

“Supporting adoption and helping find permanent, loving homes for foster children was the vision of our founder Dave Thomas,” said Kerrii Anderson, chief executive officer and president of Wendy’s International, Inc. “There is no finer cause than the support of families who are trying to adopt children, and we’re proud that Wendy’s has been recognized for our efforts. Many of our employees have adopted children, and we hope to empower more employees in the future with meaningful benefits and support.”

Michelle has worked for Wendy’s for eight years. She and her husband adopted two teen sisters from foster care in 2006. Michelle said if more companies offered adoption benefits, more people would consider adopting. “The expense of adopting children can be determining factor for many people,” she explained. “If more businesses offer financial assistance, more forever families will be formed. Employers can change the life of a child by simply offering adoption benefits.”

The Best Adoption-Friendly Workplaces in America list includes the top 100 organizations that provide exceptional support to employees who adopt. Rankings are based on the amount of financial assistance and paid leave provided. The foundation compiled the results from survey data collected from 919 U.S. employers. Several survey partners helped extend the survey’s scope even further by asking their subscribers/members to participate: Employee Benefit News, a SourceMedia publication that is the leading source of information for benefits decision makers; the National Restaurant Association; and the Ohio Chamber of Commerce.

In addition to ranking the top 100, the foundation also recognized the top 10 by size, the leaders of each industry, and companies who support the cause of adoption and adoptive families in other ways. Wendy’s also ranked #1 among large businesses and in the food, beverage, and restaurant industry. Go to www.AdoptionFriendlyWorkplace.org to view each of the lists.

Rita Soronen, the foundation’s executive director, said 157 additional employers participated in this year’s survey, and 26 of them are honored on the Top 100 list. “For years we’ve known employers care about helping employees and their families, but this year we learned they also care about being competitive,” she explained. “We found companies genuinely want to help families formed through adoption, but they also know it’s important to maintain a competitive benefits package. Further, we saw the list actually prompted some employers to enhance their adoptions benefits packages.”

National Trends
Adoption benefits are voluntary, employer-provided and include some combination of financial assistance, paid leave and unpaid leave. According to the foundation’s 2008 survey results, the average adoption-friendly employer has had a policy in place for eight years, offers up to $5,000 in financial assistance and five weeks of paid leave. The foundation, now celebrating its 16th anniversary, has seen a significant increase in the number of employers offering adoption benefits over the years, which mirrors an annual survey conducted by Hewitt Associates LLC, a global outsourcing and consulting company providing human capital management services. Of the 1,000 major U.S. employers surveyed, Hewitt reports a steady increase of companies offering financial adoption benefits, from 12 percent in 1990 to 47 percent in 2007.

Soronen noted another new trend among employers. “Now we’re seeing support for relative adoptions,” she said. “When a child is adopted by a grandparent or other relative, it is usually an emergency situation in which the employee can benefit greatly from financial help and paid leave.”

National Misperceptions
A national survey commissioned by the foundation and released in November 2007 by Harris Interactive reveals that the majority of those considering adoption are considering foster care adoption. In fact, 48 million Americans have considered adoption from foster care, yet the majority has misperceptions about the process and the children who are eligible for adoption. These misperceptions include the following:

· 67 percent of people considering foster care adoption are unnecessarily concerned that biological parents can return to claim the children. Once the court finalizes the legal termination of parental rights, the parents can never return to claim the child.
· 46 percent mistakenly believe foster care adoption is prohibitively expensive, when in reality there is very little cost to adopt from foster care, and there is financial support available for all adoptions.
· 45 percent believe children in foster care have entered the system because of juvenile delinquency, when in reality, the vast majority entered the system through no fault of their own, as victims of neglect, abandonment and/or abuse.
· 48 percent believe a single parent raising an adopted child can definitely provide a healthy and loving environment. However, 32 percent of children adopted from foster care in 2005 were adopted by single parents or unmarried couples.
· 37 percent believe a person over 55 can definitely provide a healthy and loving environment for a child, when in reality 23 percent of adopted children live with an adoptive parent 55 years or older.

“Misperceptions about foster care adoption create barriers that keep wonderful children from loving adoptive parents,” Soronen said. “We need to inform potential adoptive parents about the need, the affordability and the finality of foster care adoption so we can make strides toward connecting more waiting children in foster care with forever families.”
Survey Methodology
The Best Adoption-Friendly Workplaces in America list was compiled using data collected from 919 U.S. employers. The foundation mailed survey invitations to 40,000 business leaders, surveyed human resource professionals at conferences and collected data from the online survey on the foundation’s Web site.

Survey rankings are based first on the maximum amount of financial reimbursement per adoption, which includes any additional support for special-needs adoption, and second on the maximum number of weeks of paid leave per adoption. Employers who offer both are ranked higher than those providing only monetary support. Employers who have identical ranking criteria are listed alphabetically.

The foundation offers free toolkits and technical assistance for employers who wish to create a policy and for employees who wish to propose one. The toolkit includes a sample proposal, policy, reimbursement form, frequently asked questions, news release and tax summary. Thirty-three of the survey participants established new adoption benefit policies in 2008, and 26 used the foundation’s free resources. Go to www.AdoptionFriendlyWorkplace.org to order the toolkit.

About the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption
This non-profit 501(c)3 public charity is dedicated to dramatically increasing the adoptions of the more than 140,000 children in North America’s foster care systems ready and waiting to be adopted. Created by Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas, who was adopted as a child, the foundation spearheads programs such as Wendy’s Wonderful Kids, which puts adoption recruiters in all 50 states and Canada to find permanent, loving families for children in the foster care system, and Adoption-Friendly Workplace, which encourages employers to offer adoption benefits to their employees.

The foundation also works with adoption advocates and officials to streamline the adoption process and make adoption more affordable for families. As the only organization dedicated exclusively to foster care adoption, the foundation is driven by Dave’s simple value: Do what’s best for the child.
To learn more about the foundation’s work, go to Dave Thomas Foundadtion.

Tags: adoption education, adoption news, Adoption Programs, foster care, Older Child Adoption, Special Needs Adoption

Teleflora’s America’s Favorite Mom Contest

Joanne — Fri, 16 May 2008 00:48:59 +0000

The contest is now over, but Teleflora stupidly put mothers who’ve adopted in the “non-moms” category along with grandmothers and stepmothers. Shame on them and hooray for the moms who spoke out!!

An NBC Mother’s Day special was seeing to some last-minute changes after adoptive parents balked at a category honoring them as “non-moms.” “We heard the concerns from our viewers, and we certainly understood that,” an NBC spokeswoman said today. “We immediately looked into it, and we were able to change that.” As of Friday, the “non-mom mom” was rechristened the “adopting mom.” The change was reflected on the network’s Website, and will be reflected in the special, which tapes today and airs Sunday.

“We did take their concerns into consideration,” the rep said. “Certainly, it was always our intent to celebrate all moms, and that’s why we wanted to have that category.” The category, as described by the site for the special, honors “a grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child.”

The earlier suggestion that such a person was a “non-mom mom” did not set well with adoptive parents who took to the Web Friday. “I’m not usually offended all that easily by this kind of stuff, but this one really gets me,” a poster on an Adoptions.com board wrote. “I guess if I’m not my kids’ mom someone else can make dinner, buy their clothing and pay for their college!” Interestingly, the show, America’s Favorite Mom, is cohosted by Marie Osmond, who herself is an adoptive mother. The NBC rep didn’t know if Osmond, who cohosts with brother Donny Osmond, had spoken up about the non-mom category.

Teleflora, the show’s sponsor, did chime in. On a show site, the flower company says “many of us at Teleflora are ‘adopting’ parents ourselves, including our president and owner.” “After closer examination,” the online statement says, “we can see how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children—moms who are indeed real moms to their children in every sense of the word.”

Members of our adoption forums spoke out and spoke up for mothers who’ve adopted everywhere! Here are the letters they sent:

I’m sorry, I don’t think your public apology and adjustment to the categories makes the proper amends to the insult you have inflicted on adoptive moms. How exactly is “mom to adopted children” different from the soccer mom who gave up everything to raise her children? In our house that person is one and the same.
Many of us adoptive moms have overcome great obstacles in order to become mothers. It is very sad that on one of our most precious days of the year, Mother’s Day, we would be slapped down by a thoughtless ad campaign. The adoption community has worked hard for many years to overcome the myths and negative images that have surrounded adoption. Something like this undermines the progress. I hope you will rethink this entire campaign before running anything like it again next year.

And another one:

It took me a while to put into words the anger I felt towards your lack of sensitivity to adopted moms. I know the show has aired but I am finally calm enough to put a rational thought together on this subject. First let me say I refused to watch this broadcast. I have children. Some where in the recesses of my mind I seem to remember sitting in front of a judge and him asking my husband and myself if we were aware that by adopting our son we would be responsible for every part of his life, feeding him, clothing him, educating him just like any biological children we had. He asked our other son if he was excited to have a brother (not an adopted brother – a brother) . We all said yes. I have sat up many nights with both my boys thanking God for them. thru every broken bone, asthma attack, nightmare, picture hung on the fridge, excitement of a hot air ballon in the sky, bout of pneumonia, first step, first word, first tooth, first day of school I was there And you know what – my adopted son never called me adopting mommy. He just called me mommy.

which of my kids is adopted – frankly I choose not to say – I am just mom to both of them and always will be. How they came to be does not matter. I bet you would never ask me which of my kids was born by C section or my next door neighbor about the rape that brought her her daughter, or the lady down the sleep if she concieved while on top or bottom during making love with her husband.

The point is how they came to be is not the issue. They are our children and no matter whether they grew in our stomach or our heart they are our children and we are their moms PERIOD.

Another member wrote directly to NBC:

I am writing in regards to your Mother’s Day contest for “America’s Favorite Mom”. As I’m sure you are already aware, NBC’s contest has offended children, parents, and families nationwide. However, despite the feedback you have received thus far, I felt compelled to also voice my opinion on behalf of the offended individuals everywhere.

I’m certain the intentions of your contest were honorable, but clearly the details were not thought through. Your network chose to have separate categories for different “types” of moms: Military mom, Working mom, Single Mom, Chairman of Everything mom, and Non-Mother. Interestingly, NBC chose to categories mothers with adopted children into the category of “Non-mother”. I’m certain a nationally broadcast television show such as this requires extensive research, preparation, and advertisement. While it will likely never be disclosed the number of NBC representatives that agreed upon the “non-mom” category for mothers through adoption, clearly it was not a simple oversight by just one or two NBC employees. Commercials to advertise this contests were broadcast, a website was created, and the Today show promoted it. NBC’s deliberate disregard of mothers who grew their family through adoption is appalling. I wonder, if NBC were sponsoring a contest to vote for “Americas Favorite Kid”, would there be a separate category for children who have been adopted? Unlikely.

I have verified through your official website that the network has changed the “Non-Mom” category to be renamed the “Adopting Mom”. It saddens me that the assumingly educated and culturally versed individuals at NBC cannot understand that adoption is the means by which one becomes a mother, it is not a subcategory of mother. Women who have adopted their children are not “adoptive moms”, they are simply moms. If it is necessary for NBC to categorize the types of mothers based upon the way in which they became mothers, I believe several categories have been left out. I would like to suggest that next year, as the same insensitive and ignorant individuals compile the details for the upcoming show, they should include other categories: “Mom who got pregnant through IVF”, “Mom by means of pre-marital sex”, “Mom of children delivered via C-Section”, “Mom who was given a spinal tap during delivery”, “Mom by use of an egg donor”, etc. In order to ensure each mom is placed into the correct category, NBC would need to ask personal and invasive questions into the reproductive details of their child conception. Since when is the means by which a child is conceived a determining factor in the decision of how much of a “mother” one is?
Furthermore, I question if the host of the show, Marie Osmond, was made privy of the category prior to NBC advertising her involvement with this contest. As you must know, Marie Osmond is a mother through the gift of adoption herself. Did NBC advertise that….”Marie Osmond, a Non-Mom herself, will be hosting Americas Favorite Mom Contest.” I hope that sentence sounds as ridiculous to your network as it does to myself. I will find it difficult to be able to watch programs on your network because of this impactful decision to consider “Non-Mothers” as those who have adopted their children. Tonight, I will be tuning into ABC, where the most respected and influential journalist of our time will be broadcast. I’m sure Barbara Walters, a “non-mother” herself through adoption, would never allow such ignorance to be broadcast on the network she represents.

This member wrote, sent to NBC, Teleflora, and Redbook (a sponsor):

I am insulted, and outraged, over the treatment that adoptive mothers have received with this contest. Everyone involved should be ashamed.

First, you decided that they are different than other mothers. This is the fundamental flaw with your entire program. Adoptive moms ARE working moms, military moms, single moms, just like any other mom. Your original characterization of:
The non-mom mom: Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody.
showed more insensitivity than I have seen in the media in a long time.

Further, your original description of Jennifer Keller, Home, KS:
She was an adopted child who is now mom to her own daughter, plus six adopted children who started life as “meth babies”.
The phrase, “Her own daughter, plus six adopted children.” implies that the adopted children aren’t her own. Are you kidding me?

So then, under public pressure, you announced:
Teleflora is immediately changing the name of our “Non-Mom” category to “Adopting Moms”. After closer examination, we can see how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children — moms who are indeed real moms to their children in every sense of the word. In fact, many of us at Teleflora are “adopting” parents ourselves, including our president and owner. The essence of this category still focuses on a grandparent, neighbor, step mom, or mom to adopted or foster children, each one raising and loving a child.

This show of insensitivity on our part was in no way intended and we deeply apologize for any concern or distress we may have caused. It was always our intent to salute and celebrate all moms.

This is so weak and wrong that it actually made things worse, in my opinion. It is clear that you don’t really understand why this was so wrong on so many levels. It continues to segregate adoptive moms from other moms. And it clearly didn’t fit because two of the three finalists had not adopted. Finally, everyone I know uses the term “adoptive mom”, yet you called them “adopting”.

I am so disgusted that I will no longer be watching the Today show in the morning, instead I will watch Good Morning America. I will also never purchase from Teleflora again. I’m done with you.

I’m so proud of all the women who spoke out about this. If we don’t stand up for ourselves and our children (this generation of young adoptees), who will? Did Teleflora ever think how an adoptee would feel having his or her mother put in a non-mom category??? My kids were angry when I told them! And they have every right to be!

Thank you to ALL the moms who spoke up about this!

Also, congratulations to Nora Leon who was a finalist representing mothers who’ve adopted!

Tags: adoption education

A Journalist’s Guide to Adoption

Joanne — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 23:59:59 +0000

A Journalist Guide to Adoption:
By Journalists For Journalists

Dear Journalist:
Adoption is increasingly being covered by the news media, whether it is the legislative battle to open adoption and birth records, the homecoming of a long-awaited child from overseas, the meeting of adoptees and their birth families, a custody battle, corrupt adoption practices, or an in-depth report on what makes a family. Despite the frequency with which these stories appear, adoption is little understood, and coverage often inadvertently perpetuates myths and stereotypes.

Adoption is now deeply embedded into the fabric of family life. Even so, Americans and those who encounter adoption in their work still harbor doubts about it, clinging to the stigma of a bygone era when adoption was the subject of secrecy and shame.

A Journalist’s Guide to Adoption presents basic familiarity with numerous adoption issues so that you can provide more accurate coverage. The guide will:
Identify the subject matter;
Give a short briefing;
Provide links to the best resources and research;
Provide a list of reliable experts; and
Link to web sites for organizations working on a particular agenda.
This guide will help you:
Understand the adoption process.
Become acquainted with adoptees as well as their birth and adoptive families, who are known as the adoption triad;
Understand issues affecting the triad;
Provide balanced information that does not perpetuate myths and stereotypes;
Understand ethical adoption practices;
Encourage the use of more accurate, appropriate and respectful language;
Determine when adoption is germane to coverage;
Put adoptive and birth families in the context of the changing modern family;
Understand how adoption holds lessons for other non-traditional families especially for the million-plus children produced as a result of assisted reproduction and surrogacy; and
Recognize the social bias against adoption and why it is important to eliminate it.
Family relationships, including adoption, make for interesting copy, drama and gossip. Balanced, accurate depictions of those touched by adoption will add depth to these stories and create even better understanding of human family relationships.

Thank you,
Kathryn B. Creedy
Executive Director Institute for Adoption Information
Read A Journalist’s Guide To Adoption

Press Release:
Suggested Adoption Language for Media Stylebooks
Contact: Mike Feazel, 703-281-9188 or 202-872-9200
mfeazel@warren-news.com
Kathryn Creedy, Institute for Adoption Information
info@adoptioninformationinstitute.org

GROUPS SEEK ACCURATE ADOPTION REPORTING
Washington, DC — More than 100 adoption groups, professionals and individuals have signed a letter to journalists around the country, urging them to use accurate and sensitive language when reporting about adoption. Among the key issues raised in the letter are that a person’s adoption should only be mentioned when it is directly related to the news story, and the inappropriateness of using terms such as “abandoned” and “unwanted” when referring to children available for adoption.

“Through their word choices, even well-meaning journalists can and have inadvertently conveyed the misconception that adoptive families are somehow less genuine and permanent, and that people who were adopted and their role in a family remain somehow different,” said the letter to journalists sent during November National Adoption Month. “The reality is that adoption is as valid a way of joining a family as birth. A stylebook entry on adoption would help journalists use language that conveys the fact that adoptive families are just like any other, both in law and in loving relationships.”

Those who signed the letter felt the effort to convince journalists to use appropriate language is important because at least six million people in the U.S. were adopted into their families and the number of Americans touched by adoption exceeds 100 million. Currently, language used often conveys antiquated and inaccurate attitudes about adoption that affect children and society.

The letter is being sent to the editor of the Associated Press Stylebook, used by journalists throughout the country as their basic guide to writing style, and to the editors of stylebooks used by a wide range of other publications. The signers hope the letter will convince the stylebook editors to add an entry on adoption in stylebooks, which would quickly result in journalists nationwide using more appropriate language when reporting about adoption. A copy of the suggested entry is attached.

The nationwide Accurate Adoption Reporting campaign has already received widespread attention, including a feature in The Los Angeles Times, one of the nation’s largest and most-influential newspapers. The article was reprinted in newspapers throughout the United States.

The letter has also generated significant support from prominent groups and individuals within the adoption community. Among the groups and individuals signing are the Institute for Adoption Information, the Center for Adoption Support & Education, Families With Children from China, several authors and publishers of adoption books, adoption agencies and social workers, celebrity adoptive parents such as actor Joe Spano and CBS Senior Vice President Mitch Semel, and dozens of individual adoptive parents.

The letter to editors said journalists need to describe adoption accurately and objectively, but news and feature stories have often employed inaccurate, even sensationalized, language about adoption. For example, many obituaries of Maureen Reagan mentioned that her brother Michael was adopted. The fact that he was adopted 50 years ago was as relevant as information that someone else was born prematurely or by C-section, the letter said. Coverage of the Tom Cruise-Nicole Kidman divorce typically described the couple as having “two adopted children.” Again, the fact they were adopted is irrelevant. A spokesman for Cruise and Kidman said this kind of language is insulting.

Accurate Adoption Language
Send this Adoption Stylebook to Your Local Newspaper! More than 100 adoption groups, professionals, and individuals have signed a letter drafted by the Accurate Adoption Reporting group to the editor of the Associated Press stylebook, used by journalists around the country, and to the editors of stylebooks used by a wide range of other publications, asking them to add an entry on adoption in stylebooks. “Through their word choices, even well-meaning journalists can inadvertently convey the misconception that adoptive families are somehow less genuine and permanent, and that people who were adopted–and their role in the family–remain somehow different. A stylebook entry on adoption would help journalists use language that conveys the fact that adoptive families are just like any other, both in law and in loving relationships.” A copy of the suggested stylebook is below. We urge you to send it to your local newspaper editor, to family, friends or others who may benefit.

Suggested Adoption Stylebook
* As with race or gender, the fact that a person was adopted should be mentioned only if it’s essential to the story. If it’s used, its relevance should be made clear. A daughter who joined the family through adoption is–and should be described as–simply a daughter.
If it is relevant to mention adoption, we suggest past tense phrasing such as: “She was adopted in 1997″ rather than “She is adopted.” Adoption is one of many events in a person’s past, not an immutable personal trait.

* An adopted person’s parents should be referred to simply as father, mother, or parents. The man and woman who shared in the child’s conception can be referred to as the birth-, or genetic or biological parents (not “real” or “natural” parents).

* Writers should avoid terms such as “abandoned” or “given up.” It is usually inaccurate to refer to children available for adoption as “orphans.” Often, their birthparents are alive. Nor should children be referred to as “unwanted.” It is better to say that birthparents placed the child for adoption, made an adoption plan, or transferred parental rights.

* The reasons that people adopt are rarely relevant. To suggest or say that parents “couldn’t have a baby of their own” is inaccurate. Adoption is not second best. Children who join families through adoption are their parents “own” by law and by love.

* Stories should not portray adoptive parents as unusually selfless or saintly. In most cases, families adopt because they want to be parents and are no more saintly or selfless than other parents.

For more information: Mike Feazel, Accurate Adoption Reporting, 2115 Ward Court, NW, Dept MF, Washington, DC 20037.

Related Tags: adoption, adoptive language, adopt, adopting

Tags: adoption education

Imagine If Adoption Really Did Cost Only $10.00

Joanne — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 05:36:00 +0000

Both of my daughters have been active in Girl Scouts for a few years. They have great troop leaders and their experience has been a positive one overall. Over the Christmas holiday, a situation came up with my older daughters troop. The following e-mails will explain the story. The first one is me e-mailing her troop leader.

Good morning,
Shawna & I went to the store over the weekend and filled those two Christmas stockings and we’ll drop them off to you on Tuesday night.Shawna told me about the stockings and that it was said in meeting that the troop is “adopting” two children for the holidays. I explained to her that the correct term to use in a case like this is “sponsoring”. I’m wondering if you can bring this up on Tuesday because using the word “adopting” (when clearly the troop is not adopting two children) sends mixed messages (not only to adoptees but society at large) as to what adoption actually is. Most people (unless you’ve adopted like us or are an adoptee like Shawna), don’t give it much though until someone points it out. I’m sure it was on oversight or maybe the word “adoption” was used for lack of a better word. As my children find their place in this world and understand what it means to be a young adoptee, they get confused when one can ‘adopt” another so easily and by just buying them some gifts once a year.

Thank you for understanding. Adoption is a sensative subject and I do all I can to make my children not only feel good about it, but never to trivialize it. Maybe the word “sponsoring” can be used instead.

Thanks, Joanne

Dear Joanne,
I’m truly sorry if the use of the term “adopt” upset you or Shawna. It was not my intention, and I totally understand your point of view. We will be sure to use the term “sponsor” from now on. Sometimes it helps to have someone point out something that may inadvertently hurt or confuse someone else. Thank you for caring enough to bring this to my attention.

And my reply back to her:

Thank you so much for understanding. My family has dealt with adoption issues along the way (such as people asking my kids where their “real parents” are or asking me if I have kids “of my own”) and we handle it as a family, we discuss it and talk about ways we can help “educate” people on adoption terminology. Also, just so you know…we don’t take it personally at all. When something like this comes up, we never take it as the person is being mean or purposely trying to hurt us…we always take it as them just not knowing.If you ever want to do a talk on adoption with your troop, let me know. I’d love to help out with it.
Thanks again….see you tommorrow with the stockings.
Joanne

What would you have done? Do you just keep quiet when your child is involved in program to adopt a classroom, adopt a soldier or the best yet, adopt a highway, because you think it’s harmless? Yes, your child may know the difference…Shawna knew that spending $10.00 on Christmas stocking was not the same thing as when she was adopted. But what about the kids in the troop? What about when they tell their friends that their troop adopted a kid by buying gifts for them for the holiday? And it happens time after time. What about then? Can we blame society for not looking at parents who’ve adopted, as equal to parents who gave birth when we ourselves allow this kind of language to go on?

Tags: Adopted, adoptee, adoptees, adoption awareness, adoption education, adoption language, adoption musings

Adopt-A-(fill in the blank)

Joanne — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 02:06:00 +0000

How Using Adoption to Catch Attention, Touch Heartstrings and Raise Big Bucks Exploits Children Who Were Adopted and Those Waiting for Permanency

People who are involved with adoption issues on a daily basis are becoming increasingly concerned about the negative impact of programs taking an “ADOPT-A-” theme which have proliferated since the Cabbage Patch doll craze of the early 1980′s. People are urged to adopt zoo animals, highways, potholes, whales, manatees, patches of rain forest, city parks, light bulbs in city holiday programs, used video tapes, and even library books. These programs range from the extremely worthy to the absolutely silly: from Humane Society animal placement programs to the franchised Adopt-A-Rubber-Duck river races sponsored by radio or TV stations to benefit various local charities.

The problem lies in the misuse of the word adoption. Granted, the words adopt/adoption have more than one meaning. The primary definition describes the legal process of transferring parental rights from birthparents to adoptive parents; the second and third definitions “To take and follow by assent” and “To take up and use as one’s own,” describe non-family-related meanings, such as the processes by which schools adopt textbooks, campaigns adopt themes, etc. The adopt-a projects, with their gimmicky “adoption certificates” and “adoptive parent” labels, trade on the primary definition of adoption, which relates to family planning and family building, creating a striking mental image which packs a marketing wallop. Every marketing person we’ve ever spoken to about our concern about this admits that it is the immediately recognizable image of sheltering an otherwise unwanted “orphan” that makes such a theme attractive and successful.

Those of us who are parents by adoption and adoption activists believe that, in turning upon a kind of “save the rejects” image, such programs trivialize a serious topic. Though these programs may seem innocuous to abstract thinking adults, they confuse and alarm children and and further myths and misconceptions about this family planning method to yet another generation of children.

Those who are skeptical about the very existence of adopt-a confusion argue that it is up to adoptive parents to work with our kids to explain the realities of adoption. The reply is that yes, of course, as adoptive parents we work with our children (and with the children of friends and relatives) to help them sort through the differences between adoption of people and adoption of animals or adoption promotions. But because children are not abstract thinkers, this is not an easy task. Research by David Brodzinsky at Rutgers University has shown that children who were adopted are really no quicker to understand the complex social issues which underlie adoption than are their non-adopted peers, though children who were adopted do learn to parrot the terminology much earlier. Adoption is confusing enough an issue for young children without adding to the confusion through commercial projects. We wonder why we adoptive parents should have to spend all this time explaining, when, by just sensitizing good people responsible for developing marketing programs we could instead eliminate the confusion entirely!

Perhaps you have not experienced adopt-a confusion in your own family (or at least you may not be aware that such a confusion is at work,) but such misconceptions are widespread among 3 to 12 year olds, nearly all of whom are intellectually too undeveloped to reason logically. Three examples of adopt-a confusion among children under 10 typify those occurring regularly in cities across the country…

A five year old adoptee was “given” a giraffe by her grandparents through their much-loved zoo’s Adopt-An-Animal program. Over the course of several months the child was very upset to learn that not only could she not take “her” animal home or care for it directly, but she also could not consider it “hers” after the year had passed, when a different animal was substituted for “her” giraffe in the next year’s campaign. In another city, another child was distressed when he learned that an acquaintance had been assigned the same specific animal as had he! A third child was told by a non-adopted friend who had participated in such a program that if his parents wanted to, they could trade him for a “better” child next year, as his family had in “upgrading” their zoo adoption. Children waiting in foster care for permanency have been teased by peers with taunts such as, “We adopted a giraffe. Nobody wants you!”

A child who was eight at the time of the first round of Cabbage-Patch-mania, watched an evening news feature story on the black market developing in these ugly little creatures who spring from the dirt accompanied by adoption papers and turned to ask, “Mommy, is that the way adoption really works? Do they give babies to the people with the most money?” Similarly, school-aged children who look at the lists offered in programs such as that of most zoos’, which offer different “prices” for different varieties of “wild children” are often led to ask their parents how much they themselves cost and whether a brother or sister was more or less expensive and why! No amount of explanation about how adoption fees work and how they are disbursed can be absorbed by a non-reasoning small child.

We’ve heard from several families who have “adopted” an animal from Humane Societies. In contrast to other “adoption” projects, on the surface these seem “like” human adoption, in that there actually is an investigation and approval process, the animal is the family’s to take home and nurture, and thus participation in the program seems a good “lesson” for children in what adoption is about. Despite good intentions, these programs, too, can be confusing. In several cases problems have started when animals brought home turned out to be serious problems– biting, failing obedience training, etc.– and the family have come to the realization that they would have to find the animal another home or return him to the Society. Soon after, their children began to experience nightmares or other acting out behavior. Upon investigation it has been discovered that these kids were afraid that if they were “bad” they, too, would be “returned.”

Each of these children has become very confused and concerned about his own situation. In each case parents had had no idea before this experience that they were participating in a program which would lead to such stress for their kids or others’ children. That’s because the adults involved in the projects– program administrators, parents, etc.– could think abstractly and thus were able to see clearly the difference between adoption of people and sponsorships sold as adoption. These adults simply forgot that children are incapable of following a line of reasoning this complex to a clear conclusion and that they take everything very personally.

The way to prevent these confusions is really quite simple. Adoption is a process by which families are planned and formed. To trivialize it in a commercial way insults the birthparents, adoptive parents, and adoptees who have been personally touched by this process. We no longer find it acceptable to trivialize other minority groups in this society. The proliferation of adopt-a-promotions has become about as humorous to many of those personally touched by adoption as are shuffle-footed picaninny humor or Pollack jokes to the minority groups they deride. For the sake of children waiting for adoption and those who have already found their permanent families in adoption, we adults must insist that adoption be treated in a dignified manner.

Credit where credit is due… Change is in the wind! As of May, 1999, we are aware that the following have responded to concerns raised world-wide by members of the adoption community and have renamed their adopt-a fundraising programs out of respect for adoption-expanded families: Indianapolis Zoo, Carmel-Clay (Indiana) Public Library, Milwaukee Zoo, National Wildlife Federation’s Ranger Rick Magazine, LaPine National Forest in Oregon, Gleaners Food Bank of Central Indiana, Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Nassau Cty NY, Stoneybrook Farm (IL), Minnesota Zoo, The Toy library of Chester and Area Family Resource Centre, in Chester, Nova Scotia, Stoneyfield Yogurt of Londonderry NH., Prairie Park of Peoria IL. Also responding sensitively to the need to reconsider program names: New England Aquarium, Association of Booksellers for Children, Central Mass Regional Library System. Help us add to this list!

Source: This article has been adapted from Adopting after Infertility (copyright 1992) by Patricia Irwin Johnston. This article came from the Perspectives Press web site at http://www.perspectivespress.com/ourfactsheets.html

Related Tags: adopt, adopting, adoption

Tags: adoption education

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