Adoption Advocate Video

Taken from the the web page:
“I am an advocate for adopting. I wasn’t adopted and never needed to be, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling for those kids who are in need of it. Many couples and even singles want to adopt, and there are even waiting lists they often have to be on. So why, then, are there orphanages around the country and world full of kids wishing for adoption? If they get passed up as a baby, their chances of adoption become more and more slim. I hope someday to be able to take a chance on adopting an older kid. I wish a lot more could and would”.

Madonna’s Adoption Approved

A court in Lilongwe, the capital of David’s home country, has approved Madonna’s adoption case. Proceedings for the adoption began in 2006 and Madonna was accused of abusing her celebrity status to smooth over the adoption process. Alan Chinula, Madonna’s lawyer, said, “It is a positive and beautiful judgment that will have an impact on Malawi’s adoption laws,”

Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute Transracial Adoption Report

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute issued a 58 page report of transracial adoption. Basically they want to adequately prepare white families before they can adopt black children and they want to seek out and recruit more black families to adopt black foster children.

I see two issues here……

1) I don’t care what color you are, unless you live under a rock how could black families not know that black kids are in foster care? Why do they need to be sought out? Are they trying to tell us that black families don’t know that black kids are wasting away in foster care…..they need to be told, be sought out and shown? Nobody had to recruit me or seek me out to adopt….I wanted to….if black families are not adopting foster kids….did anybody ever think maybe they don’t want to? I don’t buy that black families need to be recruited in order to adopt black foster children.

2) They want to take the group of people that IS adopting black kids and make them undergo some sort of “special training”…..would this be like the “special training” I had to go through to adopt an abused and neglected child. (And I would assume that only a black social worker would be able to lead this special training?) It makes perfect sense to make the process that much longer and more time consuming for the group of people that ARE adopting foster kids. (inject sarcasm) What about if the child is biracial? Do you only have to take half the class? What about if you’re in a racially mixed marriage….does only the white person have to take the class? Go ahead and add a required cultural class to adopting a foster child….knowledge is great….so why stop at adopting a black child? What about if a black family adopts a white child? What kind of special training will they get to assure that “prospective parents receive training as well as counseling related to the child’s cultural, racial, religious, ethnic, and linguistic background”. How about if you adopt a foster child that was born into a different religion than you? And lets not stop at foster kids! Let’s make it required for international adoption and private, infant adoption! Hell….let’s make it a requirement for racially mixed couples having biological children.

On a final note…this made me chuckle….
“To help families address their transracially adopted children’s needs, provide post-adoption support services from time of placement through children’s adolescence”.

Families who adopted through foster care, have to fight DCF to get post-adoption support and services when kids are so emotionally disturbed they attempt to victimize the families that adopt them BUT they’ll give us transracial adoption support it if we adopt a black child???? Give me a break! Tell someone who believes your bullshit. These people are so out of touch with the real world of adopting a foster child it’s scary.

Support From Family And Friends While Adopting

We were very lucky in that our family and friends were very supportive when we were going through our adoption. It really helped us knowing the people in our life were behind our choice and they were very interested in the process. I know others don’t always have the support they need, or want so I asked the members at our adoption forums for their thoughts.

~~ Absolutely! Our family and friends couldn’t have been MORE supportive. Our church really supported us emotionally through the failed placement we endured nine months before the girls were born, too. We’ve been supremely blessed!

~~ I never felt very supported or even understood. There was no support or understanding during the miscarriages, or the infertility treatments. People’s expectations were unrealistic, unhelpful and even insulting.

When the first opportunity to adopt presented itself, there were more unrealistic, unkind, unhelpful things said to us. The child we were adopting was biracial, and unkind things were said about that as well. The adoption fell through when the baby was born early and died. For us it was another loss. We were expecting to be that baby’s parents, and were excited and feeling attached and hopeful. No one offered sympathy over the loss. Some even expressed relief as they were not comfortable with the situation “we had gotten ourselves into”.

There were two more failed adoptions which received no support. The last one was an adoption within the family. The mother decided to parent two weeks before the baby was due. We were devastated. And we were ignored. There was still a new baby born into the family and everyone celebrated. We could not and they didn’t understand why we were so hurt and angry.

We had given up on domestic adoption and instead started to focus on international adoption. When we mentioned that we were interested in Asia, we received more insulting comments. We were determined to build our family in this way and were prepared to distance ourselves from anyone who “wasn’t comfortable” with our family.

It was only when the photos of the babies arrived, that hearts and minds started to change. One person who had made one of the most insulting comments as we began our international adoption was the first to greet us at the airport when we returned home and snatched one of the babies out of our arms.

I believe it was the children themselves who changed everyone’s opinion about adoption. Since bringing them home, we have received much support from friends, family and community, but it was a long and difficult and frustrating journey to get there.

~~ Most of my family and friends were extremely supportive. The one notable exception was my grandparents, who feared that we would be ripped off and then given a sickly baby. They fell in love with my son the moment they met him, and he rapidly became one of their favorite great-grandchildren.

~~ For the first two babies adopted internationally? I suppose we had ’some’. Have to know that I’m the youngest, and no one in the close family had ever adopted before. Soooo, when we were living overseas, most of the family only knew bits and pieces of what was going on in terms of ‘where we were at, etc’.
When the babies arrived, there was excitement from grandparents and great-grandparents. Still, we hadn’t gone home yet, so it was through letters, phone calls.

When we adopted the older children. Very little support. Sadly, to some extent, we’ve had to ‘eat crow’ on that concept of older child adoptions.

And now….well, while some friends are very supportive…and our church family IS supportive (many adoptive families there, as well as older families too)…….our families lack for substantial support. Their feelings now are ‘you’re too old and you have your hands full enough!’ Maybe. But, when you gotta do what your heart says to do…..I’m not sure that’s wrong, KWIM?

But I’ll tell you what their attitude HAS taught me. When I know someone is trying to adopt; when I know someone has received THEIR baby—-I can’t be happy enough for them! I ALWAYS remember how much I wished our families and friends would have ALL been supportive…and so, I figure if few others are going to be THRILLED for them, I certainly will BE ONE!!! Adoption is just too tough to go through, and too wonderful NOT to be supportive of anyone who really wants another baby/child to love and have as their own.

~~ We had support when we adopted our first child from family and friends. When we adopted our second child, we only received support from friends. Family told us not to do it again. I’m glad I didn’t listen.

~~ Our families were exceptionally supportive for our first two adoptions. They just wanted us to be parents. We have some adoption in our extended family so it was not a foreign concept. After the first two, they thought we were nuts. They knew how difficult our second baby was and didn’t think we could cope with another. Once N (our third) was home, they knew he was meant to be. But when we even mentioned that we may take his sibling they were outraged..I do have some health concerns so I kind of understand but I told my mom she better be careful of what she said b/c she could be talking about their future grandchild. All of them are 100% accepting of our children now, but they still think we’re crazy! What do they know…lol

Do You Know Other Adoptive Families?

We only know a few other families that have adopted. One of the family of my children’s former foster brother, who we see a couple of times a year and the other is a new family at our homeschooling group.  I asked the members of our adoption forum if they know, or hang out with  other families who have adopted?  Here’s what they said:

~~I don’t have ANY adoptive parent friends, which is why I value this board. I have been introduced to the occasional adoptive mom in passing at church, but, so far, I haven’t developed a friendship w/any of them.

~~ I don’t know any other adoptive moms other than a few people I’ve been introduced to at church. Its such a relief to have a place to go to and just talk in the context of our lives being a little different than most people’s.

~~ We have several acquaintances who have adopted or have been adopted. Most of my “adoption buddies” are on-line!

~~ We know a lot of people who have adopted….some within our familiy, but as far as having a lot of ‘friendships’ with them….it gets kinda hard. I live out in the country….and I’m 45….and most people who are this age, either have grandchildren (and don’t adopt)…..or are working outside their homes too. I don’t work outside the house anymore……I DID homeschool my two boys for awhile….but not right now (ah, public school) Anyway, this is why I’m on these boards like I am! I love to talk (obviously)….and when we began adopting years ago…..there was NO ONE to discuss adoption with! I’m also not too fond of ‘where adoption is going’ sometimes…….and I’d like to think that I’m helping someone, somewhere. So, that’s it. I value being able to come in here. In fact, our computer is set up right where the baby’s toys are….!

~~ We met alot of families that went through the same agency as us. A LOT of them have adopted older children as well.Our area agency has an adoption picnic. We went last year before our daughter was home.It made us so excited we couldnt wait much longer.I also got to meet a 7 year old girl that new our 7 year old.She kept asking me where our little one was.Well i have made ome close friends through that picnic and we talk on the phone as well as through email. The closest family is due to leave the first week of march to india to pick up their 7 year old daughter which is a friend to our daughter. The best part is they do not live to far from us.They are wonderful people and emailed me and asked me if i would like to send a gift to our 3 year old son .They are gonna take it to him.It has been wonderful to have families to talk to through this whole long process. Adoption has touched all of us. I am so happy to have these families to discuss concerns and joys as we all have children the same ages and from the same orphange. Rebecca is very excited about the picnic which is in june and their will Alot of the children she was at the orphange with. Rebecca has also got to talk to many of the children on the phone. This has helped all the kids when they go through a touch of sadness.I would be lost if i didnt have someone to talk about adoption with.We feel so blessed.

~~ We know one family that adopted. They adopted a little girl from Cambodia while our adoption was through social services. Although our processes were different, there are many more similarities. The girls became acquainted through dance classes and we’ve become friendly with the parents. I’m so happy to have found this board…so many adoptive families to “chat” with! Thanks.

~~ Quite a few actually. Some good friends I grew up with are the proud parents of a beautiful 3-year old boy… My hairdresser and her husband adopted their daughter at birth just about 2 years ago now. I ran away from home at 16 in 1985, and came to live with the treasurer of my high school and their family. Their daughter was 6 at the time. I lived with them for almost a year and a half — and it wasn’t until about a year and a half after I moved out that I learned she was adopted! Had NO clue. We are very close — we often laugh that I was adopted at 16, we just didn’t have any paperwork! Anyway, she has since found her birthmom and half sister.

~~ I work in the legal department for a nationwide telecom company — there are about 18 people total. Out of those 18 people: one of my supervisors adopted a little girl who is now 5; my co-worker adopted twin girls from foster care when they were 17 months (they just turned 14); my immediate boss has a sister who was adopted at birth; another co-worker - his sister just adopted; and I have two co-workers that were adopted. We received a TON of support from my co-workers

~~ We have several friends from church that have adopted but noone that I can talk to.

~~ My beautiful 8 mo. old niece is adopted. I have 2 friends that have adopted from Ukraine, 1 returning this summer. Another friend is going with them. I have another friend adopted their little girl at 2 days. I continue to meet adoptive parents daily. I love the opportunity to share with others.

~~ My nephew and niece (half sibs.) were both adopted at birth. My cousin was adopted by my uncle. A client of mine adopted a daughter who is 18 months older than the boys. I just met an adoptive mother (on-line) who lives less than 5 miles from me! I can’t wait to meet her.

~~ We know a bunch of adoptive families. We know two adoptive families with two adopted children each from church. My son has an adopted child in his class. A teacher at my son’s school adopted two children. We were friends with another adoptive family who has since moved away.

Preparing Your Child To Answer Adoption Questions

Maybe it’s because my own children came to us at an older age…or maybe because my husband & I have different color skin than two of our children, but adoption is a topic we discuss openly and freely. It comes up in natural, conversations that we have with each other and other people. It’s something that is part of our life and “just is”, know what I mean?

Whenever people ask me questions like “Do you know where their real mother is?” or “Do you have any children of your own?”, as an adult I can handle it….which I do by gently correcting them…always believing that they mean well, they just don’t know the words to use. But because my kids are older, sometimes the questions and comments get directed to them and I want them to be prepared and not feel uncomfortable fumbling around for an answer.

They just recently came across this when a girl at the park told them they weren’t really sisters because they have different color skin. My daughters (9 & 12) had to refrain from going off on her (yes, they’re feisty, like their mama) and they handled themselves beautifully. They told her that they were sisters two ways…biologically and through adoption.

My girls & I discuss a lot of different topics throughout our day together, (they’re both unschooled) so for us just talking about these situations is helpful for them. Conversations come up when we’re doing craft projects or driving in the car. Usually we’ll discuss it when someone asks me an adoption question. It happened just the other day at the library. We were talking to one of the volunteers that we know at their used book store….she asked me how to long it took us to adopt because she had heard it takes a long time. Another volunteer overheard and came over. At that point in the conversation, I had just said that all three of my children were adopted and the second woman asked “They’re all adopted? Do you have any of your own?” To which I calmly replied “Yes, I do…three of them. When a child is adopted, they are your own children. Maybe you meant to ask is I have any biological children?” Honestly, I’m used to the comments…I actually don’t mind them because it gives me a chance to change someone’s perception of adoption. But my children are starting to become aware and sometimes they hear those comments.

So, we talk. Like we always do.

We’ve talked about some possible questions that they may get over the next few years and what they would feel comfortable answering…and not answering. Shawna told me once that a kid on her soccer team asked her about her being adopted (I’m not sure how it originally came up) and Shawna said she was adopted at eight years old. They asked why she was in foster care and she said that it wasn’t something she wanted to discuss with them. I was so proud of her when she told me. She is comfortable talking about being adopted, but the details of what she (and her siblings) went through is something she only discusses with those she trusts.

Adoption is so much more openly discussed now than it was years ago and this generation of adoptees are in a great position to educate people about adoption. We, as their parents, just need to give them the tools, and a voice.

Related Tags: adopt, adopting, adoptees, adopted, adoption

Adoption Isn’t Selfish: A Birthmother’s Story

Steven Curtis Chapman’s Daughter Killed By Car

What a sad story. Steven Curtis Chapman is a well liked adoption advocate and supporter of international adoption. He and his wife Mary Beth adopted three girls from China into their family, Maria being the youngest. The couple formed an organization, Shaohannah’s Hope, to aid families wanting to adopt.

Maria died Wednesday evening after being struck by a car driven by her teenage brother in the driveway of the family’s home. The teen was driving a Toyota Land Cruiser down the driveway of the rural home at about 5:30 p.m. and several children were playing in the area.

Steve, also a singer, started a campaign called “Change for Orphans”. He asked audience members at his shows to bring spare change to the concert, where it was counted and given to a local family to aid in their adoption process.

Our hearts go out to the Chapman family at this difficult time.

Adoptee Summer Camp in Michigan

If you’re the parent of a Korean adoptee in the Michigan area, Sae Jong Camp might be of interest to you.

From their website:
Our mission is to provide all Korean-American children the opportunity to explore their Korean-American identities, learn about their Korean heritage, and make friendships to last a lifetime. Our camp also provides an opportunity for campers to share their experiences with other campers and counselors who are able to encourage, support, and most importantly, empathize. This does not imply that we attempt to define or shape your child’s identity. Nor do we pretend to have the answers to all of their questions. We acknowledge each child as an individual who possesses unique and very personal life experiences as a Korean-American and/or adoptee.

Registration is now being accepted for the 2008 camp which will be held August 10 - August 16, 2008 and is for Korean adoptees ages 7-18.

Blogs And Sites That Link To Us

I always link back to sites that link to us. if you’ve linked to us and don’t see your site in the “Links Of Interest” category, please leave the link in a comment so I can add you in. Check out these latest sites and blogs that linked to Forever Parents.

Katd, who struggled with infertility, blogs at They Grow In Your Heart and is the proud mama to Lily Grace.

The Attached Mother linked to an article we posted about the benefits of holding your baby.

Iowans for International Adoption linked to us on their Adoption Links page.