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That if they had to ‘talk themselves into this’, then they shouldn’t be doing it.

That if they are caucasian themselves, once they adopt a baby of color, their family will forever be categorized as a multiracial family and it will change how much of society will view and identify their family forever.

That it is important to expose their child to a ‘cultural view’, but to leave it up to the child as to ‘how much is enough’. Also that ‘culture’ isn’t identified by what is currently the ‘view’ on the media, and that the bond and traditions of the family sometimes supersede what’s considered ‘culture’.

If you have other children in your home they immediately become a transracial family too and they need help understanding that not all families are like thiers, they may be teased at school and other places. You need to set up support for them.

You may lose family members when you make this choice.

I would tell them that in many instances black birthmoms are not seeking nor are comfortable with fully open adoption arrangements, and not to push it. It does not mean that they necessarily love their children any less, only that they may define adoption as the entrusting of parents to care and love for their child solely.

I would tell them that if they have ever made racial comments before, they can not feel bad about it after their trans-racial adoption dream comes true. Comments you might have made when you were young does not make you a hypocrite, it just means you have grown up and now you accept people for who they are, not their skin color.

My only other advice is to not get angry at the people in your life that do make stupid comments, just understand it’s pure ignorance.

I would offer that raising a child of a different ethnic origin does draw attention, not all bad – but definitely attention. Be prepared. I offer this especially to families who already have a child (adopted or bio) who are of the same ethnic origin as the parents.

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I asked this question at our adoption forums and I’ll open it up to our blog visitors as well. Feel free to answer in a comment here, or on your own blog. If you answer at your blog, let me know in a comment here so I can link to your answer.

Here are the thoughts of three of our adoption forum members;

1: Our race(s) have been an issue in our process; not a bad one, but an issue nonetheless. My DH is Hispanic, and I’m black (from Africa originally). We were hoping to adopt a biracial, Hispanic or African American child. Our races, we believe, and the type of child we were hoping to adopt, made us very desirable for the agencies we contacted while researching. The reason they gave was that “birth mothers were always looking for such couples”, or something to that effect. I can’t, to be honest, say that we felt bad about it. Many promised that we would match quicker (sure!)… this was our first adoption, so what did we know? Anyway, we did match in 3 1/2 months, and the mother of our daughter did say that our cultural background was a huge plus for her. I wonder, however, if our choice of race had been Asian, or Caucasian, how long we would have waited…perhaps much longer than 3 1/2 months.

2: I’ve written in posts before about how our own race (both seemingly Caucasian) was a factor in our adoption journey. Early on……when we first started the adoption process, our race was an issue—and not a good one, as far as we were concerned. In 1979……..going into an adoption agency—the ONLY adoption agency— in Okinawa,Japan, and telling the caseworker conducting our homestudy that we really wanted to adopt a baby who was ‘Black/Okinawan’……was enough to literally make her drop her pen to the floor and say to us:

“YOU would be WILLING to adopt a black child?!?!?!?!?”
“Yes.”, we said.

And to that, the caseworker said that this would have to go in front of their agency board. When we returned several days later for the next interview, she told us:

“We’ve discussed this and concluded that Mr. X (my husband)…..while your complexion is darker; Mrs. X (that was me), you are much to fair complected to adopt a black child.”

So, what did this agency do? They allowed us to adopt—either through Korea, the Philippines, or wait for a baby from Okinawa (which was a very long wait).
We chose Korea; and one of the big factors was because adopting through Korea meant a shorter wait. However, did they really think that Korean baby would look any MORE like US…than any other ‘un-white baby’??? :shrug I don’t understand it any better now, than I did back then. And my husband would say the same.

We had to wait 12 months before we could apply to adopt again. We did. As soon as the one year mark came, we made an appointment with the agency to adopt another baby. We already knew we would want another Asian baby, simply because we felt our first child would feel some sort of bond by having another ‘non-white’ person in the family. We sat with another caseworker to update the home study. Her comment?

“…of course NOW you’ll want a white baby, won’t you???!!!” (grinning with anticipation)
“No, we want to adopt another Asian baby.”

Needless to say, they still didn’t get it.

We were then told we didn’t have enough time left on the island (my husband was Air Force), and would have to extend our stay there because the waiting list was so long. (Frankly, I don’t remember why we didn’t go through Korea again, except that it would take the extended time to do so.) We told the agency we’d think about it. As we left the agency, I told my husband that there just had to be another way. There was. I was finishing my bachelor’s degree while we lived on the island, and through connections there, we actually found our next baby. That’s another story; and a good one at that. :nod

In the end, we flew home on the date we were originally supposed to…without extended time. We left with two babies….one that was 2yrs old; the other that was 8months old. One born in Korea; the other born in Japan. We’ve had other negative scenarios concerning our race and adoption; but I believe these were the worst ones of all.

By the way, we’ve gone on to adopt three more babies. All African American.

3: As an interracial (AA/CC) couple, it seemed to us that adoption was always a very short wait. Even though we are not a young couple (second marriage for both of us), we never waited more than a couple of months for a placement and sometimes weren’t waiting at all, but were called or presented with situations.

Our son’s Caucasian foster parents, who live in Michigan, had a very difficult time with the adoption of their daughter 25 years ago. She has Down Syndrome and is biracial. She was one of many, many infants placed in this outstanding foster home. Because she had a heart condition, they were told she likely would not live through heart surgery. Foster mom fed her with an eye dropper to get her strong enough for surgery, loved and nursed her through two surgeries. When she became healthy, the foster parents decided that, although they had never desired to adopt any of their foster children, they were so bonded with this child, they requested to adopt her. ALL OF THE SUDDEN, the agency said there was a black couple who wanted to adopt her. They virtually DUG UP a family to adopt this child because they were so against interracial adoption. Foster family got the ACLU involved, were on numerous talk shows, created their own alliance against racial preference in adoption, and WON THE CASE. Their daughter is now nearly 24 and doing very well.

Things have come a long way, but I still hear of cases where biases are held by agencies/social workers regarding race in adoption.

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Family connections are vitally important to children as they begin to find their place in the world. For transracial and transcultural adoptees, domestic adoptees, and for children in foster care or kinship placements, celebrating the differences within their families as well as the similarities that connect them, is the foundation for belonging. As parents we can strengthen our children’s tie to family and embrace the differences that make them unique. (more…)

Actual customer reviews:

“I Don’t Have Your Eyes” helps kids go beyond ” blood” and “genes” as the only important ties between family members. Instead, Carrie gently points out, even more important, shared strengths and similarities. Congratulations to Ms. Kitze for carefully considering the needs of the adoption community as she publishes her ‘adoption and empowerment- themed’ books.”

“I find this book to be very inspiring. I wish I had A book like this when I was a child. As an adult adoptee, I feel this book touches upon the most important connections we need to make with our children.”

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Madonna’s initial bid for adoption was rejected after a judge ruled prospective parents must live in the country 18 to 24 months.  During Fridays’ hearing, Chief Justice Lovemore Munlo called the so-called residency requirement an “old law.”

Madonna released the following statement to US Magazine through her publicist Liz Rosenberg.

“I am extremely grateful for the Supreme Court’s ruling on my application to adopt Mercy James. I am ecstatic. My family and I look forward to sharing our lives with her.”

This will be Madonna’s second child that she adopted from Malawi, the first was David, 3 in 2006.

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Asia Press, a small press publisher of children’s books, today announced that it will not be re-printing its popular book, “Rosie’s Family; An Adoption Story” after the current run is sold out. This accurately written and creatively illustrated children’s book has sparked widespread interest amongst parents and teachers, providing them with a practical tool for discussing adoption with young children. Thought provoking and charming, Rosie’s Family has received rave reviews from a range of leading media, while grabbing the attention of adoption agencies and booksellers alike.

Rosie’s Family was recommended by “Savvy Mommy,” Victoria Pericon, when she appeared on New York City’s local television affilliate, WCBSTV,, to review children’s adoption books.

“The illustrations are excellent in addition to clinically correct text,” reported Beth Malley, renowned adoptionn educator and author of Creating a Treasure for The Adopted Child.

“We support Rosie’s Family so strongly that we placed it in our post adoption resource kit which is given to the hundreds of families who adopt through us every year,” said Cathy Murphy, Manager of Regional Development for The Children’s Bridge, Canada’s largest English speaking adoption agency.

Today, one in six couples struglle with infertility and an increasing number are turning to adoption as a means to form their families. According to the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, it’s estimated that 2% to 4% of American families include an adopted child. Inter-country adoption have been accelerating over the past decade and will likely continue. The result has been an increase in the number of inter-cultural and interracial families, which adds to the list of issues that adoptive families face.

“Rosie’s Family addressed the inherent issues related to interracial and multi-cultural adoption, in an easy-to-read format,” said author Lori Rosove. “The humorous and colorfully animated illustrations are attractive to children and helps in their understanding of adoption.”

Rosie’s Family is ideal for children 4-8 years old, but is also appropriate for parents and older children, including teenagers. It teaches the importance of embracing diversity and tolerance of differences amongst each other. The book addresses common adoption questions such as, “Why do I look different? Where did I come from? What were my birth parents like? Do I belong in my family?” Rosie’s Family makes it easy for parents to tackle this subject matter with their children, which if left unchecked, can leave children with unresolved concerns, possibly leading to serious affect on their self esteem development.

About the Author:
Lori Rosove is the founder of a leading adoption consultancy, Private Adoption Services, which provides services to individuals and agencies throughout the entire adoption process in both foreign and domestic adoption cases. She is also an innovative author of children’s books and created Rosie’s Family after receiving numerous requests from adoption parents for a child-friendly tool that would help them address many common issues with their children.

Order Rosie’s Family through our amazon adoption shop today.

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Transracially Adopted Children’s Bill of Rights
Every child is entitled to love and full membership in his or her family.
Every child is entitled to have his or her heritage and culture embraced and valued.
Every child is entitled to parents who value individuality and enjoy complexity.
Every child is entitled to parents who understand that this is a race conscious society.
Every child is entitled to parents who know their child will experience life in ways differently from theirs.
Every child is entitled to parents who are not seeking to “save” a child or to make the world a better place by adopting.
Every child is entitled to parents who know belonging to a family is not based on physical matching.
Every child is entitled to parents who have significant relationships with people of other races.
Every child is entitled to parents who know transracial adoption changes the family structure forever.
Every child is entitled to be accepted by his or her extended family members.
Every child is entitled to parents who know that if they are white they experience the benefits of racism because the country’s system is organized that way.
Every child is entitled to parents who know they cannot be the sole transmitter of the child’s culture when it is not their own.
Every child is entitled to grow up with items in their home environment created for and by people of their own race or ethnicity.
Every child is entitled to have places available to make friends with people of his or her race or ethnicity.
Every child is entitled to have opportunities in his or her environment to participate in positive experiences with his or her birth culture.
Every child is entitled to opportunities to build racial pride within his or her own home, school, and neighborhood.