Making the Decision to Adopt: Part 2

What was it that brought you to adoption?

What made you decide to adopt?

We asked some of the members of our adoption forum and here’s what they had to say. Feel free to answer in a comment here. We’d love to know what our visitors think.

Read part one here

At first, adoption was not something we thought about. We wanted to get pregnant and create a little person that looked like one or both of us, and we spent the better part of a decade and tens of thousands of dollars trying to achieve this. At some point, the desire to be a parent grew larger than the desire to give birth. And the desire to love a child, any child, grew larger than the desire to love a child that looked like us.

Years ago, when I married my husband, he was not the kind of man who would ever adopt a child, let alone a child that was not white. This was due to his family background, and not something I blame him personally for. As he experienced loss after loss, and piles of disappointments and failed treatments, his perspectives changed. The desire to parent a child outgrew any ingrained opinions he may have had.

In the end, it was my husband, the man who said he could not love a child that did not come from himself, who led the charge into the adoption arena. The man who was afraid to fly, who got on a plane and flew 27 – 30 hours one way because the little brown babies that the agency said were his were waiting for him half a world away.

We adopted because loving a child makes one very brave, makes one stronger than one thought possible. It sustains one through the darkness and restores hope and faith and purpose.

I have to say, I always knew this would be the way I had my family; some sort of instinctual innate feeling that I can not describe but always felt. Apparently I even announced it on occasion because my mom can remember me making random statements about not birthing children but adopting!

Societal pressures pushed me into attempting to get pregnant and I can remember going thru the attempts thinking “who am I kidding?” because a little voice inside me kept telling me adoption!

The most “free-ing” conversation I ever had with my doctor was the one where he stated that I may want to consider alternative options to getting pregnant the traditional way…I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and said “adoption” He wanted to talk about ALL the alternatives but I was matter of fact “thanks but no thanks” so it may sound corny to say “I always knew….” but I really did always know!

While I was married, my husband and I discussed children at various times. Seemed like we were never on the same page at the same time but it became a stronger and stronger desire of mine to be a parent. We struggled with fertility issues as well and my H did not want to adopt. I struggled for a long time trying to figure out what I really wanted: the experience of pregnancy and having a biological child; or did I just have the desire to have a child and the gene connection was not important.

After my divorce (which was not totally due to the kid issue), it hit me that I could be a single parent. I looked at the possibilities from all sides and decided as a single I really wasn’t interested in having an infant. So, I elected to adopt an older child and went through the CPS system. I met my daughter about 6 weeks before her 7th bday and she’s been home for a year now. It is, without question, the best decision I’ve ever made. She is my joy.