What advice would you give someone who was considering adopting outside their race? I asked our forum members and here are some of their answers.
That if they had to ‘talk themselves into this’, then they shouldn’t be doing it.
That if they are caucasian themselves, once they adopt a baby of color, their family will forever be categorized as a multiracial family and it will change how much of society will view and identify their family forever.
That it is important to expose their child to a ‘cultural view’, but to leave it up to the child as to ‘how much is enough’. Also that ‘culture’ isn’t identified by what is currently the ‘view’ on the media, and that the bond and traditions of the family sometimes supersede what’s considered ‘culture’.
If you have other children in your home they immediately become a transracial family too and they need help understanding that not all families are like thiers, they may be teased at school and other places. You need to set up support for them.
You may lose family members when you make this choice.
I would tell them that in many instances black birthmoms are not seeking nor are comfortable with fully open adoption arrangements, and not to push it. It does not mean that they necessarily love their children any less, only that they may define adoption as the entrusting of parents to care and love for their child solely.
I would tell them that if they have ever made racial comments before, they can not feel bad about it after their trans-racial adoption dream comes true. Comments you might have made when you were young does not make you a hypocrite, it just means you have grown up and now you accept people for who they are, not their skin color.
My only other advice is to not get angry at the people in your life that do make stupid comments, just understand it’s pure ignorance.
I would offer that raising a child of a different ethnic origin does draw attention, not all bad – but definitely attention. Be prepared. I offer this especially to families who already have a child (adopted or bio) who are of the same ethnic origin as the parents.
© 2011 Forever Parents
