The two types of domestic adoption, infant and state waiting child, are very different and have completely different needs and requirements.
Children who have waited in the Foster system have a traumatic past. That past involved the state trying to reunify the family under hardship circumstances until it became clear that keeping the biological family together was not in the child’s best interests. Any child, no matter how young, who has a traumatic past will bring the dynamics of that past to your home. They will react to their past in a myriad of ways, and they will act out what was done to them upon any younger children in your home. Having a huge heart and open arms, ready to love these children is not enough. There are required classes in raising hurt children. There is required reading. It would be necessary to network yourselves with specialists, counselors, other adoptive families, educational professionals: all people who will listen, offer help when you need it, and stand up for you should a hurt child make false allegations against you.
It is not the least expensive way to adopt even though the adoption process itself is free. The people who successfully raise children from the System have battle scars, but the victories are sweet. Baby steps. Increments of positive behaviors and constructive growth. These children need structure, need to know that you’ll be there in the long haul when they’ve taken out all their frustrations on you. They will test you repeatedly. It’s not for the weak of heart. You will earn their trust, earn their respect. It has been said that it takes the entire age of the child when first entering your home, to undo the problems of the past so that the child, or by that time, adult, can move forward.
If you feel that you are that special kind of preadoptive parent who can take on these issues, you will undergo training and have an extensive homestudy done. The homestudy for these children is necessarily more invasive in order to prevent these kids from further emotional or situational trauma. You may be required to obtain a Foster license if any children placed in your home are not legally free for adoption. This happens especially with very young children as the reunification process is undertaken. Emotionally, you have to be the kind of person who can love a child unconditionally but accept that the intent of Foster Care is reunification with the biological family. Your home will need to pass a safety checklist such as hand railings, fire escape, and water quality. It may be requested that these children be the youngest in the home and that an adult is at home all day. There will be child-specific considerations as well. These children are considered special needs. Their medical and psychological needs will be more significant than that of others.
Contact of some kind with birth relatives is becoming standard with domestic infant adoption. It can also occur with waiting children. They may have siblings and relatives with whom they have attached, but who are unable to raise them.
While waiting children are identified prior to adoption through photolistings, mailings by your state appointed social worker, or through notebooks kept at your state’s Human Services offices, private newborn adoption occurs after an expectant mother considering adoption chooses your profile out of many at your agency. A match is made after you have agreed to the circumstances of the situation, the medical records, and the birthmother’s level of contact desired.
Your profile consists of photos of you, your family members, your home, perhaps your closest friends, what you like to do, your town, school etc. There are printed along with written information underneath, and the sheets are then protected with clear covers, put in a binder, and attractively presented. You will need to make about 5-6 of these for your agency to share. Expectant mothers considering adoption will look for things about your family which they like. The choices are as individual as the women. This profile is where you can present yourself, your beliefs, and what matters to you.
People seeking to adopt newborns also undergo a home study, which is written after several meetings with a caseworker both at her office and in your home. You’ll have references and a doctor’s statement, among other things. There will also be an application to adopt through that agency. Unless you are seeking to adopt a child with special needs (and you will be asked many questions as to what your comfort level is with regard to a baby’s health and exposure in utero to various things), specific details as to how you would care for a child with those special considerations would not be asked of you. Your home study would identify that you are approved to adopt a certain age, sex, etc. child. You will be asked to read a few books on adoptive parenting, and maybe discuss one of them with the caseworker. Reading is encouraged by all forms of adoption. The more that you know, the more informed that you are, the better equipped you will be to undertake this amazing responsibility of being an adoptive parent.
Written by Keadie
Tags: adopt a child, adoptive families, adoptive parent, biological family, foster care, home study, homestudy, special needs
