Adoption Support at Forever Parents

Thinking About Adoption?

The co-administrator at our adoptions forums has adopted eight times and she is someone that I personally admire for her willingness to always help those new to adoption. Here are some questions and concerns she compiled for pre-adoptive people to discuss and familiarize themselves with, even before beginning the process.

1. Make sure that you’re ready to adopt a child/baby that isn’t biologically yours. If you still have issues surrounding the fact that this baby was NOT grown by you, did NOTcome from your biological roots, will probably NOT look like you….then I believe you’re not ready to adopt.

2. Make sure you realize there will be extra hoops and intrusions into your life/lives when you venture into adoption. This won’t be something done overnight. Even if you had a situation ready……there will still be paperwork, homestudies to accomplish, extremely probing questions into your intimate life/lives that you’ll have to answer before being ‘approved’ and/or adopting a baby.

3. Make sure that you can love a child that isn’t biologically yours; and if you choose (or happen to) biologically reproduce a child after you’ve adopted one, that you will not treat the adopted child any differently than the biological one.

4. Be sure you’re ready to deal with issues from your baby’s adoption status and those of the biologicals. Some issues surrounding the conception of an adopted child are not pleasant ones; some of the issues dealing with the type of biological person who conceived your baby may not be good. Be sure you’ll be able to discern when/why to disclose this info to your child. It will be your child’s history and will probably be something they’ll want/need to know. Be prepared to share it with them when questions are asked. You’ll be the best source of support for your child; make sure that you can discern when/if to discuss these issues with anyone other than them—IF this is a necessity.

5. Discuss what type of child/baby you’re truly wanting. These might include the age of the baby; the amount of drug exposure inutero; the circumstances surrounding the baby’s conception (incest, rape, etc), whether you wish to parent a child of any race other than your own. Don’t ’settle’ for any issues other than those you’re wanting/willing to deal with. There are often situations that may seem ‘good’ only because they’ve come quickly and ‘you’re the only parents who’d want them’. Try to avoid thinking with your heart. Instead take the time to talk and think about each scenario. If an attorney/agency/facilitator pressures you into ‘acting very quickly’…this situation may not be a good one to take and better to ‘pass’ on.

And remember that some issues are ones that may or may not present themselves as a problem while the baby is an infant. Be prepared with supports available for possible problems if you choose to accept a child with possible special needs, as this may be a lifetime of planning and commitment from you.

6. Don’t choose to adopt from the foster care system, or any other entity, ONLY because it’s less expensive. Foster care adoption may be less expensive in the short-term; but the issues involving a lot of children (even toddlers) from the foster care system may involve a lifetime of therapists, counselors and physicians; as well as the emotional turmoil that may occur due to attachment issues and moves throughout the foster system for months or years.

7. Don’t choose an attorney/agency simply because they seem bigger or advertise a lot more, have a fancier website or claim to give more resources ‘on paper’. Adopting from a ‘quick and fast’ attorney, agency or facilitator may seem easier or more productive; but sometimes these routes may also be unethical and/or lack proper supports for you during and after the adoption process. They may also ‘cut corners’ where certain legalities weren’t properly completed. Most, if not all scenarios involving biologicals coming back to reclaim the child, are so because of attorneys/agencies/facilitators who didn’t handle the adoption procedures ethically in the first place, leaving the adoption in an illegal status.
It pays to do your homework and deal with entities who have good references, are well known for their ethical standards, and can produce credentials to show an involvement with possible changes and, where applicable, continuing educational classes in adoption law. (Example: A member of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys, etc.)

Related Posts:

1. Making the Decision to Adopt
2. Financing An Adoption
3. Preparing Your Child To Answer Adoption Questions
4. Transracial Adoption
5. Adoption Scams