Teleflora’s America’s Favorite Mom Contest

The contest is now over, but Teleflora stupidly put mothers who’ve adopted in the “non-moms” category along with grandmothers and stepmothers. Shame on them and hooray for the moms who spoke out!! :)

An NBC Mother’s Day special was seeing to some last-minute changes after adoptive parents balked at a category honoring them as “non-moms.” “We heard the concerns from our viewers, and we certainly understood that,” an NBC spokeswoman said today. “We immediately looked into it, and we were able to change that.” As of Friday, the “non-mom mom” was rechristened the “adopting mom.” The change was reflected on the network’s Website, and will be reflected in the special, which tapes today and airs Sunday.

“We did take their concerns into consideration,” the rep said. “Certainly, it was always our intent to celebrate all moms, and that’s why we wanted to have that category.” The category, as described by the site for the special, honors “a grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child.”

The earlier suggestion that such a person was a “non-mom mom” did not set well with adoptive parents who took to the Web Friday. “I’m not usually offended all that easily by this kind of stuff, but this one really gets me,” a poster on an Adoptions.com board wrote. “I guess if I’m not my kids’ mom someone else can make dinner, buy their clothing and pay for their college!” Interestingly, the show, America’s Favorite Mom, is cohosted by Marie Osmond, who herself is an adoptive mother. The NBC rep didn’t know if Osmond, who cohosts with brother Donny Osmond, had spoken up about the non-mom category.

Teleflora, the show’s sponsor, did chime in. On a show site, the flower company says “many of us at Teleflora are ‘adopting’ parents ourselves, including our president and owner.” “After closer examination,” the online statement says, “we can see how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children—moms who are indeed real moms to their children in every sense of the word.”

Members of our adoption forums spoke out and spoke up for mothers who’ve adopted everywhere! Here are the letters they sent:

I’m sorry, I don’t think your public apology and adjustment to the categories makes the proper amends to the insult you have inflicted on adoptive moms. How exactly is “mom to adopted children” different from the soccer mom who gave up everything to raise her children? In our house that person is one and the same.
Many of us adoptive moms have overcome great obstacles in order to become mothers. It is very sad that on one of our most precious days of the year, Mother’s Day, we would be slapped down by a thoughtless ad campaign. The adoption community has worked hard for many years to overcome the myths and negative images that have surrounded adoption. Something like this undermines the progress. I hope you will rethink this entire campaign before running anything like it again next year.

And another one:

It took me a while to put into words the anger I felt towards your lack of sensitivity to adopted moms. I know the show has aired but I am finally calm enough to put a rational thought together on this subject. First let me say I refused to watch this broadcast. I have children. Some where in the recesses of my mind I seem to remember sitting in front of a judge and him asking my husband and myself if we were aware that by adopting our son we would be responsible for every part of his life, feeding him, clothing him, educating him just like any biological children we had. He asked our other son if he was excited to have a brother (not an adopted brother – a brother) . We all said yes. I have sat up many nights with both my boys thanking God for them. thru every broken bone, asthma attack, nightmare, picture hung on the fridge, excitement of a hot air ballon in the sky, bout of pneumonia, first step, first word, first tooth, first day of school I was there And you know what – my adopted son never called me adopting mommy. He just called me mommy.

which of my kids is adopted – frankly I choose not to say – I am just mom to both of them and always will be. How they came to be does not matter. I bet you would never ask me which of my kids was born by C section or my next door neighbor about the rape that brought her her daughter, or the lady down the sleep if she concieved while on top or bottom during making love with her husband.

The point is how they came to be is not the issue. They are our children and no matter whether they grew in our stomach or our heart they are our children and we are their moms PERIOD.

Another member wrote directly to NBC:

I am writing in regards to your Mother’s Day contest for “America’s Favorite Mom”. As I’m sure you are already aware, NBC’s contest has offended children, parents, and families nationwide. However, despite the feedback you have received thus far, I felt compelled to also voice my opinion on behalf of the offended individuals everywhere.

I’m certain the intentions of your contest were honorable, but clearly the details were not thought through. Your network chose to have separate categories for different “types” of moms: Military mom, Working mom, Single Mom, Chairman of Everything mom, and Non-Mother. Interestingly, NBC chose to categories mothers with adopted children into the category of “Non-mother”. I’m certain a nationally broadcast television show such as this requires extensive research, preparation, and advertisement. While it will likely never be disclosed the number of NBC representatives that agreed upon the “non-mom” category for mothers through adoption, clearly it was not a simple oversight by just one or two NBC employees. Commercials to advertise this contests were broadcast, a website was created, and the Today show promoted it. NBC’s deliberate disregard of mothers who grew their family through adoption is appalling. I wonder, if NBC were sponsoring a contest to vote for “Americas Favorite Kid”, would there be a separate category for children who have been adopted? Unlikely.

I have verified through your official website that the network has changed the “Non-Mom” category to be renamed the “Adopting Mom”. It saddens me that the assumingly educated and culturally versed individuals at NBC cannot understand that adoption is the means by which one becomes a mother, it is not a subcategory of mother. Women who have adopted their children are not “adoptive moms”, they are simply moms. If it is necessary for NBC to categorize the types of mothers based upon the way in which they became mothers, I believe several categories have been left out. I would like to suggest that next year, as the same insensitive and ignorant individuals compile the details for the upcoming show, they should include other categories: “Mom who got pregnant through IVF”, “Mom by means of pre-marital sex”, “Mom of children delivered via C-Section”, “Mom who was given a spinal tap during delivery”, “Mom by use of an egg donor”, etc. In order to ensure each mom is placed into the correct category, NBC would need to ask personal and invasive questions into the reproductive details of their child conception. Since when is the means by which a child is conceived a determining factor in the decision of how much of a “mother” one is?
Furthermore, I question if the host of the show, Marie Osmond, was made privy of the category prior to NBC advertising her involvement with this contest. As you must know, Marie Osmond is a mother through the gift of adoption herself. Did NBC advertise that….”Marie Osmond, a Non-Mom herself, will be hosting Americas Favorite Mom Contest.” I hope that sentence sounds as ridiculous to your network as it does to myself. I will find it difficult to be able to watch programs on your network because of this impactful decision to consider “Non-Mothers” as those who have adopted their children. Tonight, I will be tuning into ABC, where the most respected and influential journalist of our time will be broadcast. I’m sure Barbara Walters, a “non-mother” herself through adoption, would never allow such ignorance to be broadcast on the network she represents.

This member wrote, sent to NBC, Teleflora, and Redbook (a sponsor):

I am insulted, and outraged, over the treatment that adoptive mothers have received with this contest. Everyone involved should be ashamed.

First, you decided that they are different than other mothers. This is the fundamental flaw with your entire program. Adoptive moms ARE working moms, military moms, single moms, just like any other mom. Your original characterization of:
The non-mom mom: Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody.
showed more insensitivity than I have seen in the media in a long time.

Further, your original description of Jennifer Keller, Home, KS:
She was an adopted child who is now mom to her own daughter, plus six adopted children who started life as “meth babies”.
The phrase, “Her own daughter, plus six adopted children.” implies that the adopted children aren’t her own. Are you kidding me?

So then, under public pressure, you announced:
Teleflora is immediately changing the name of our “Non-Mom” category to “Adopting Moms”. After closer examination, we can see how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children — moms who are indeed real moms to their children in every sense of the word. In fact, many of us at Teleflora are “adopting” parents ourselves, including our president and owner. The essence of this category still focuses on a grandparent, neighbor, step mom, or mom to adopted or foster children, each one raising and loving a child.

This show of insensitivity on our part was in no way intended and we deeply apologize for any concern or distress we may have caused. It was always our intent to salute and celebrate all moms.

This is so weak and wrong that it actually made things worse, in my opinion. It is clear that you don’t really understand why this was so wrong on so many levels. It continues to segregate adoptive moms from other moms. And it clearly didn’t fit because two of the three finalists had not adopted. Finally, everyone I know uses the term “adoptive mom”, yet you called them “adopting”.

I am so disgusted that I will no longer be watching the Today show in the morning, instead I will watch Good Morning America. I will also never purchase from Teleflora again. I’m done with you.

I’m so proud of all the women who spoke out about this. If we don’t stand up for ourselves and our children (this generation of young adoptees), who will? Did Teleflora ever think how an adoptee would feel having his or her mother put in a non-mom category??? My kids were angry when I told them! And they have every right to be!
Thank you to ALL the moms who spoke up about this! :)

Also, congratulations to Nora Leon who was a finalist representing mothers who’ve adopted!

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2 Comments

  1. Jennifer Keller, May 18, 2008:

    Since this references me, I thought I would comment. I am an activist for drug endangered children since mine were abused in the womb. I am working hard to change laws to make this abuse a crime. I love all my children and have been blessed by each one. I also love and care about all of their birth mothers and their 12 other biological siblings and we all have a very open relationship. This show was a wonderful opportunity to meet some extraordinary women! Until you know me personally or walk a mile in my shoes-don’t judge. I believe in using my energy positively not negatively. May all of you have a blessed day! My husband wrote a very sweet nomination, if you would like to read his EXACT words go to http://americasfavoritemom.com/mothers-day-2008/mom/Jennifer-K-3677

  2. Joanne, May 18, 2008:

    Hi Jennifer, thanks for posting. I’m a little confused by your reply though…who do you think judged you? The creators of the contest or the public who gets the wrong impression of mothers who’ve adopted? Or both? I’m so proud of the women (I’ve heard there were many) that wrote in and stood up for adoptive mothers. We all agree that using our energies in a positive way can make a difference, as this has sown us.

    I admire that you’re working to make drug abuse in the womb a crime! How can we help? Lots of us that have adopted (myself included), have children that were exposed to drugs and alcohol while they were in the womb and we’d love to support you in what you’re doing.

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