Adoption Support at Forever Parents

We See the Moon by Carrie Kitze

Interview with Carrie Kitze:
We See the Moon by Carrie Kitze is a story written from the child’s perspective, asking the questions that may dwell in their hearts about their birthparents.

What inspired you to write the adoption book “We See the Moon”?

I was inspired by adult adoptees who talked about how they couldn’t talk to their parents about adoption issues because they felt it would make them feel bad. I didn’t want my daughters to feel they couldn’t come to me with some of the most important feelings they will have. I wanted a way to help them understand that this information is a part of who they are and always available for discussion. I also wanted a way for them to be able to connect emotionally with birthparents we may never have the opportunity to meet. The moon was a tool my grandmother used with me when I was little to connect us, so the moon became a tool for my daughters to connect as well. It also is a powerful symbol in many cultures. While I understood the importance of birthparents and preadoption history, until I listened to adult adoptees I did not realize how essential it is to include birthparents and preadoption history within the fabric of our children’s lives. Our children have learned to pick up on our subtle clues as to whether or not an issue is taboo or something not to discuss. Just because children don’t ask questions, doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking about these issues. Keep in mind that each child will process information differently and some need more discussion, some less. Opening up to these types of discussions builds a solid foundation for all types of conversations over a lifetime. One tool I developed for use with my own daughters is We See the Moon. This is a simple book that speaks with the voice of the child and allows them to ask the questions they have in their hearts about their birthparents. It has resonated with both children and parents alike and jumpstarted discussions about adoption and birthparents.

How do you approach this daunting part of adoption parenting?

It is best to use truthful, age-appropriate conversations. The conversations should be done early, gradually, and gently. Your conversations should be straightforward, honest, and matter of fact. The story you start with will be a skeleton to which you can add as your child’s understanding and comprehension grows. The most important thing we as parents can offer our children is the safe haven for discussion and the truth, as we know it. We also need to learn to listen for our cue to answer and the cue to let our children talk.

Fine tuning your communication skills is the best way to effectively teach your children how to understand express their feelings. Some things we need to teach our children include modeling feelings, both good and bad. Everyone has pleasant and unpleasant feelings and it is important to teach our children how to verbalize both. Parallel stories can be effective in helping your child verbalize these feelings. Using literature to help a child see that the feelings and thoughts they have are not unique and having your child talk about another character’s experiences can offer a glimpse into how your child is actually feeling.

Buy “We See The Moon” and other children’s adoption books at our adoption shop.

Related Posts:

1. Over The Moon by Karen Katz
2. Children’s Adoption Books
3. Preparing Your Child To Answer Adoption Questions
4. Rosie’s Family by Lori Rosove
5. Teenage Adoptees "We’re Okay!"