Comments on: 15 Questions for an Older Child Adoption http://foreverparents.com/2008/04/15-questions-for-an-older-child-adoption.html ...since 2002 Tue, 20 Jul 2010 21:43:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Libby http://foreverparents.com/2008/04/15-questions-for-an-older-child-adoption.html/comment-page-1#comment-169705 Libby Sat, 10 Jul 2010 05:11:40 +0000 http://foreverparents.com/?p=197#comment-169705 We had a failed adoption of a sibling group of 3 boys ages 5, 7 and 10 last year. They had been in care for 4 years. We, clueless at the time, thought that LOVE and STABILITY could fix the boys. We brought them into our home (we have a bio. 8 year old)and in the three weeks they were here, we witnessed cutting, schizophrenia, the middle one made his seat belt into a nuse twice, it was one thing after another. We were prepared for behavioral outbursts, be we were not made aware of their serious mental issues. We didn't have a clue what we were getting into. I am bitter and jaded now, when I see organizations trying to make adopting older children sweet and fuzzy, I think what a lie, and it almost destroyed our family. We had a failed adoption of a sibling group of 3 boys ages 5, 7 and 10 last year. They had been in care for 4 years. We, clueless at the time, thought that LOVE and STABILITY could fix the boys. We brought them into our home (we have a bio. 8 year old)and in the three weeks they were here, we witnessed cutting, schizophrenia, the middle one made his seat belt into a nuse twice, it was one thing after another. We were prepared for behavioral outbursts, be we were not made aware of their serious mental issues. We didn’t have a clue what we were getting into. I am bitter and jaded now, when I see organizations trying to make adopting older children sweet and fuzzy, I think what a lie, and it almost destroyed our family.

]]> By: Elizabeth http://foreverparents.com/2008/04/15-questions-for-an-older-child-adoption.html/comment-page-1#comment-169671 Elizabeth Sat, 13 Mar 2010 17:54:24 +0000 http://foreverparents.com/?p=197#comment-169671 Thank you for this very honest article. It is very realistic and I'm glad to see an effort to educate people about something so important. I especially appreciate what you said about not blaming yourself or feeling like a failure as a parent. We need to be reminded every day of what we are providing these kids even if they don't ever see it or appreciate what we have done for them. I wonder if anyone could offer some help to me. I'm doing some research on older child adoption and volunteering for the Heart Gallery of America to photograph children waiting for adoption. I really need some positive feedback to support my research and it's hard to find. I need to write in favor of older adoptions and show how it's worth it. Show ways that we can help to make it work like educating people beforehand so they don't have unrealistic expectations as you are doing here. Most of what I'm finding is negative or warnings and statistics about how many older adoptions fail. Anybody have some help to offer? ..know anywhere I can look for the positive statistics? perhaps more lists and suggestions to help people who are considering. Support for after placement? Thanks! Thank you for this very honest article. It is very realistic and I’m glad to see an effort to educate people about something so important. I especially appreciate what you said about not blaming yourself or feeling like a failure as a parent. We need to be reminded every day of what we are providing these kids even if they don’t ever see it or appreciate what we have done for them.

I wonder if anyone could offer some help to me. I’m doing some research on older child adoption and volunteering for the Heart Gallery of America to photograph children waiting for adoption. I really need some positive feedback to support my research and it’s hard to find. I need to write in favor of older adoptions and show how it’s worth it. Show ways that we can help to make it work like educating people beforehand so they don’t have unrealistic expectations as you are doing here. Most of what I’m finding is negative or warnings and statistics about how many older adoptions fail.
Anybody have some help to offer? ..know anywhere I can look for the positive statistics? perhaps more lists and suggestions to help people who are considering. Support for after placement?
Thanks!

]]> By: Shanna http://foreverparents.com/2008/04/15-questions-for-an-older-child-adoption.html/comment-page-1#comment-169636 Shanna Wed, 27 Jan 2010 01:03:46 +0000 http://foreverparents.com/?p=197#comment-169636 This is a good list. I think sometimes adoption is pushed onto people and painted in glowing colors without any mention of the realities of life. We adopted a toddler several years ago and it's been a great success. Now we're thinking about adopting another, possibly older, child and I've had some real concerns. Thanks for your honesty. This is a good list. I think sometimes adoption is pushed onto people and painted in glowing colors without any mention of the realities of life. We adopted a toddler several years ago and it’s been a great success. Now we’re thinking about adopting another, possibly older, child and I’ve had some real concerns. Thanks for your honesty.

]]> By: Jen http://foreverparents.com/2008/04/15-questions-for-an-older-child-adoption.html/comment-page-1#comment-157592 Jen Wed, 22 Jul 2009 03:15:01 +0000 http://foreverparents.com/?p=197#comment-157592 Thank you for your insights....my husband and I are at the beginning of the long road of trying to adopt a 12 1/2 yr. old female. We are expecting a difficult path too, but are hoping for the best. Finally, someone who truely speaks the language of adopting. Everything you wrote is so true....Although I work as a counselor in a residential facility for abused children, it is still so different when the child enters your home. I really believed that I could handle any child with emotional issues. However, my husband and I are now just beginning to comprehend that the child we are trying to adopt, has so many hurdles to face. We are optimisitic about her future potential, but we are also realistic in understanding that she may never fully recover from her trauamtic past, no matter how much love and support we give her. I am glad that you wrote about asking yourself if you could really handle your child's behaviors if you were to never see improvement, prior to jumping into adopting an older child with special needs. Even after I had a difficult night of trying to transition my child to bed, I find comfort in knowing that yes, if the most that I can do for my child is provide her a safe and stable home, than I have not failed as new parent, but rather succesfully attempted to provide a better existence under which she may thrive. Another thing I would add to your list above, is to rememeber that when raising a special needs child or a child that is older, is that you need to try to forget about all the other indiviuals that may react to your child. These children will stand out and their issues may fustrate the normal population at times, due to a lack of empathy or complete understanding of the issues that will face our children as they grow. As their adoptive parent, YOU and only YOU are their advocate, their protector, their biggest supporter. In taking on these roles, I can only recomend that we as adoptive parents need to communicate to the world the language of love and laughter, especially when we are trying to teach the world around us accptance of special children who are unique and who often dance to their own tune reguardless of how the world sees them..... Thank you for your insights….my husband and I are at the beginning of the long road of trying to adopt a 12 1/2 yr. old female. We are expecting a difficult path too, but are hoping for the best. Finally, someone who truely speaks the language of adopting. Everything you wrote is so true….Although I work as a counselor in a residential facility for abused children, it is still so different when the child enters your home. I really believed that I could handle any child with emotional issues. However, my husband and I are now just beginning to comprehend that the child we are trying to adopt, has so many hurdles to face. We are optimisitic about her future potential, but we are also realistic in understanding that she may never fully recover from her trauamtic past, no matter how much love and support we give her. I am glad that you wrote about asking yourself if you could really handle your child’s behaviors if you were to never see improvement, prior to jumping into adopting an older child with special needs. Even after I had a difficult night of trying to transition my child to bed, I find comfort in knowing that yes, if the most that I can do for my child is provide her a safe and stable home, than I have not failed as new parent, but rather succesfully attempted to provide a better existence under which she may thrive. Another thing I would add to your list above, is to rememeber that when raising a special needs child or a child that is older, is that you need to try to forget about all the other indiviuals that may react to your child. These children will stand out and their issues may fustrate the normal population at times, due to a lack of empathy or complete understanding of the issues that will face our children as they grow. As their adoptive parent, YOU and only YOU are their advocate, their protector, their biggest supporter. In taking on these roles, I can only recomend that we as adoptive parents need to communicate to the world the language of love and laughter, especially when we are trying to teach the world around us accptance of special children who are unique and who often dance to their own tune reguardless of how the world sees them…..

]]> By: John http://foreverparents.com/2008/04/15-questions-for-an-older-child-adoption.html/comment-page-1#comment-7225 John Sat, 07 Jun 2008 19:21:40 +0000 http://foreverparents.com/?p=197#comment-7225 Great list, I question if there would be any older child in the system that doesn't have some type of attachment issues. Yes, RAD is the biggest of biggies. Number 15 is the test, some things may never get better, can you live with that? John Great list, I question if there would be any older child in the system that doesn’t have some type of attachment issues. Yes, RAD is the biggest of biggies. Number 15 is the test, some things may never get better, can you live with that? John

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