Open adoption

Like most people, when we first started the adoption process we decided what we were and were not comfortable with. It’s very important to continually have these discussions before starting the process. One of the things (there were a few) we weren’t comfortable with was committing to being involved in an open adoption. It’ll be interesting to hear what this generation of adoptees say about open adoption in years to come. Quite a few members of our adoption forum are involved in varying degrees of open adoptions and we asked for their thoughts.

Lori, who runs Best Light Adoption Profile Reviews said;

My experience is a very open adoption with DD, and it’s a very happy one! The b.mom is a family friend, and we love her, trust her, and respect her. And she feels the same about us (at least she says so!). We talk with her a few times a month and see her frequently. The best part is that she and I have a relationship that started with DD but is now about the two of us, too.The situation with DS is also open although his b.mom keeps more of a distance. However, I make sure she knows the door is open to her when she wants contact — we invite her to birthday parties and I email her once in awhile.

Who knows how this will turn out for DD and DS? My hope is that if they know all the adults involved so intimately in their lives love them wholeheartedly, they’ll grow up fine.

Faith had this to say:

We have a semi-open adoption, which has worked well for us. We met the birthmother once while she was pregnant. I wrote our son a letter after meeting her, which is now in our safe deposit box, so I can give it to him whenever he starts asking questions about her. The letter talks about my impressions of her (all good) and contains details that I am sure will fade with the passage of time.We sent her pictures and letters every other month for the first year and then twice a year (at Birthmother’s Day and Christmas) after that. I thought that writing the letters would be hard, but they turned out to be fun. Who other than her would care about some of those baby details and not think that I am just “bragging”?

Having the adoption semi-open was the best of both worlds for us. On the one hand, we have met her, so that removes the “mystery” of who she is and why she decided to place our son for adoption. On the other hand, she is not involved in our day-to-day lives, which removes any fears of trying to co-parent or feeling like there is any sort of “competition.” I am my kid’s mom.

And other member shared their thoughts:

With our youngest, our adoption was meant to be semi open, but his bmother didn’t register with the exchange, so we haven’t seen her or heard from her since the day she placed him in our arms, and left the house without our knowing, I wish that would have been different.
With our oldest we have a fully open adoption. It has been a crazy ride to say the least! Now that he is older, he has not wanted much contact, and truly it has been good for him to see the reality of their lives, he knows, without question, this is where he belongs.

Related Tags: open adoption, adoptive parenting, adoptive parents, adoption

photo credit: © P.Winberg

Tags: open or closed adoption

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