Imagine If Adoption Really Did Cost Only $10.00

Both of my daughters have been active in Girl Scouts for a few years. They have great troop leaders and their experience has been a positive one overall. Over the Christmas holiday, a situation came up with my older daughters troop. The following e-mails will explain the story. The first one is me e-mailing her troop leader.

Good morning,
Shawna & I went to the store over the weekend and filled those two Christmas stockings and we’ll drop them off to you on Tuesday night.Shawna told me about the stockings and that it was said in meeting that the troop is “adopting” two children for the holidays. I explained to her that the correct term to use in a case like this is “sponsoring”. I’m wondering if you can bring this up on Tuesday because using the word “adopting” (when clearly the troop is not adopting two children) sends mixed messages (not only to adoptees but society at large) as to what adoption actually is. Most people (unless you’ve adopted like us or are an adoptee like Shawna), don’t give it much though until someone points it out. I’m sure it was on oversight or maybe the word “adoption” was used for lack of a better word. As my children find their place in this world and understand what it means to be a young adoptee, they get confused when one can ‘adopt” another so easily and by just buying them some gifts once a year.

Thank you for understanding. Adoption is a sensative subject and I do all I can to make my children not only feel good about it, but never to trivialize it. Maybe the word “sponsoring” can be used instead.

Thanks, Joanne

Dear Joanne,
I’m truly sorry if the use of the term “adopt” upset you or Shawna. It was not my intention, and I totally understand your point of view. We will be sure to use the term “sponsor” from now on. Sometimes it helps to have someone point out something that may inadvertently hurt or confuse someone else. Thank you for caring enough to bring this to my attention.

And my reply back to her:

Thank you so much for understanding. My family has dealt with adoption issues along the way (such as people asking my kids where their “real parents” are or asking me if I have kids “of my own”) and we handle it as a family, we discuss it and talk about ways we can help “educate” people on adoption terminology. Also, just so you know…we don’t take it personally at all. When something like this comes up, we never take it as the person is being mean or purposely trying to hurt us…we always take it as them just not knowing.If you ever want to do a talk on adoption with your troop, let me know. I’d love to help out with it.
Thanks again….see you tommorrow with the stockings.
Joanne

What would you have done? Do you just keep quiet when your childs class (or whatever) is adopting a (fill in the blank) because you think it’s harmless? Yes, your child may know the difference…Shawna knew that spending $10.00 on Christmas stocking was not the same thing as when she was adopted. But what about the kids in the troop? What about when they tell their friends that their troop adopted a kid by buying gifts for them for the holiday? And it happens time after time. What about then? Can we blame society for not looking at parents who’ve adopted, as equal to parents who gave birth when we ourselves allow this kind of language to go on?

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17 Comments

  1. Lori, February 13, 2008:

    Such a good point, Joanne. I love the way you gently but firmly advocate for your kids.

    When this comes up, I will do the same.

  2. Joanne, February 13, 2008:

    Hi Lori…
    It just really bothers me when parents complain about how we (as parents who’ve adopted) aren’t looked at (by society in genreral) as equal to parents who’ve given birth but yet we sit by and brush off incidents like this as harmless.

  3. Lori, February 13, 2008:

    I tracked back to you here:

    http://weebleswobblog.blogspot.com/2008/02/adopt-this-adopt-that.html

  4. Beagle, February 13, 2008:

    I think you handled it beautifully.

  5. Joanne, February 13, 2008:

    Thank you!

  6. niobe, February 14, 2008:

    I think, as you say, that the casual use of the word “adopt” is something that people just don’t think about until it’s pointed out to them. I’m so glad you were able to share you concern and get such a positive response.

  7. Joanne, February 14, 2008:

    Yes Niobe. As her troop leader said, it wasn’t something she even thought about until I made a comment about it. I find that most (if not all) people take it as being enlightened on a topic they weren’t aware of before.

  8. LisaC, February 15, 2008:

    I had a similar issue come up in my classroom. There is a book on our shelf called “Steve is Adopted” and it is the wierdest book ever but the kids look at it now and then. (They are 8 and 9 by the way.) So I asked them what “adopted” means. The reply: “It’s when your parents give you away.” So we had to straighten that out, especially since some of them should actually fear this (kidding, and not kidding at the same time.) So a few weeks later, one girl told me I should adopt her friend and change her name to Molly and she would call me Lunette. I asked what adopted means. The reply, “I know, I know…it’s when you don’t want your parents anymore so you try to find new ones.” Apparently we still have some misconceptions.

    I think you handled it perfectly.

  9. Alexis, February 20, 2008:

    Well some people could be a little prejudice when it comes to adoption, I have adopted cousins and we’re all ok with it, we treat them equally and one of us, even to the extent of being real sibling. As per the situation, I think you were really excellent in getting the message through.

  10. Jenny, April 16, 2008:

    Thank you for submitting this post the Mommy Blog Carnival. I’ve included it in the next edition! :) Hope you have a great day.

    Jenny’s last blog post..The Green Life

  11. Pajama Mommy, April 17, 2008:

    Thank you for submitting your post to the Mommy Monthly carnival at Pajama Mommy. We’ve included your post into the next edition. It will be posted on the 30th of this month so please stop on by and check out the other participants.

    Pajama Mommy’s last blog post..Contest: Barbie DVD Mariposa 20 DVD’s to Give Away!

  12. JHS, April 20, 2008:

    Thanks for participating in this week’s Carnival of Family Life hosted at Vanilla Joy. The Carnival will be live tomorrow, Monday, April 21, 2008, so stop by and check out all of the other wonderful submissions!

    JHS’s last blog post..Connected Lives (Part Three)

  13. Deborah Robinson, April 28, 2008:

    This article has been included in the latest edition of Mom’s Blogging Carnival

    Deborah Robinsons last blog post..Advocacy at the heart of Australia’s young women

  14. Jane @ Kidzarama, May 16, 2008:

    I honestly had not given it much thought until now.

    It’s such a much~used term and it *is* important that kids not be confused by misuse of it.

    Thank you so much for sharing, Joanne.

    Jane @ Kidzaramas last blog post..On Our 9 Years Wedding Anniversary

  15. Joanne, May 17, 2008:

    Hi Jane…thanks for stopping by. :)

  16. Sylvie, May 28, 2008:

    I know it’s like months late, from one adoptive parent to another, but I think you handled this wonderfully!
    BTW, I found your blog through a google alert.

  17. Joanne, May 28, 2008:

    Hi Sylvie…I just stopped by your blog! Your son is adorable! :)

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