Adoption Support at Forever Parents

Domestic Adoption

Domestic adoptions can be handled through an agency, attorney or facilitator and follow the laws of your state of residence. Prospective parents may pay some of the living and medical expenses of the birthmother but these rules vary depending on state law. Parents are usually selected by the birthparents of the child they adopt and while ongoing contact is increasingly common, the extent of that contact varies significantly.

We asked our adoption forum members to share their advice and experience with domestic infant adoption. Here’s what they had to say;

*** A biggie for me was finding an agency that did not keep a lot of money if the adoption fell through. Our agency only charged up front for the home study, which was portable. We did not pay the adoption fees until the birthmother’s parental rights legally terminated.

*** Research, research, research! Every agency handles adoptions differently and has different requirements for adoptive parents. If you don’t like one you have initially chosen, go somewhere else!

Find a social worker that YOU can relate to — you will rely on this person to help you find your child; you want to have someone who takes time to listen to your concerns, is available to talk to you most of the time (return calls should be within 24 hours, for example), and understands the type of birthparent relationship you are comfortable with. This person should make you feel completely comfortable; if you’re not, it might be a sign you should look elsewhere for your child.

You do NOT need to have a completely open adoption if you don’t want one; don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. If you want a closed adoption, keep looking for an agency until you find one that won’t pressure you to go open. Plus, “open” can mean a thousand different things — be sure you understand what a particular agency may require from you after an adoption before you follow through with an adoption through them. You might be more willing to try an open adoption if it’s simply letters and pictures annually than if an agency tries to make you agree to annual visits, for example.

*** We attempted domestic infant adoption three times, and experienced three failures. We did not go through an agency, but found the situations through friends and family members. Had any of the adoptions succeeded, the costs would have been very low — only lawyer fees and filing fees, and the costs of counselling, if chosen.

We basically made it known that we were open to any situation, and in one year had three situations present themselves to us. It’s important before you begin, to be familiar with the different types of adoption and which situations you would be comfortable with. It’s too easy, when presented with the possibility of finally becoming a parent to agree to anything in order for the adoption to be successful, only to regret those decisions later.

We chose a lawyer that specialized in family law and she was able to walk us through the paperwork and filing process, and was familiar with procedures and our state’s adoption laws.

We chose to go this route because, at the time, we had sunk all of our resources into infertility treatments that also failed and were financially tapped out.

Counselling for both the birth and adoptive parents can be very helpful for everyone to make the transition. I do believe that counselling would possibly have changed the outcome of our last two adoption attempts had either of the birthmothers chosen it.

Non-agency adoptions are a possibility worth considering, but do your research before choosing a lawyer. However some people are more comfortable with the experience of an agency behind them to hold their hand through the process.

*** Research, research, research….find out everything you can about it and determine what route you want to take (agency, facilitator, attorney).

*** If you are going to use an attorney use one that is registered with American Adoption Attorney Association.

*** The research I have done has probably saved us a ton of money and time. Also, find a GREAT adoption forum - I recommend Forever Parents!! I’ve learned so much on here..but that’s also research also.

*** Research everything you can — agencies, facilitators, attorneys. Domestic adoption has a lot of avenues you can take and each offers different pros and cons. Research every aspect to know what’s right for your family. Also, stay open minded — about birthmothers, about the process, about your Dear Birthparent letter. Go with your heart and your gut…but keep your head in the mix too

*** Do not proceed until you are certain that *any person* who could have influence on the bmom or bfather has been informed of the pg, birth and adoption placement plan for the child. Even if you have been ‘reassured’ by sw’s that all will be well if people have not been informed/involved…proceed with extreme caution. It does not happen often (disruption post placement) but it is absolutely devastating if it happens to YOUR family.

Related Posts:

1. Adoption Agency Fraud
2. Financing An Adoption