Making the Decision to Adopt

The decision to adopt a child is a personal one, made for many reasons. Here, some of our forum members share what led them to making the decision to adopt.

** When we decided to adopt it was a very spontaneous decision. During a frustrating conversation with my mother about my sister’s poor parenting choices, I blurted out “Don’t call me about her behavior again unless you’re calling to ask me to raise one of her children”. –That was all it took.
All that afternoon (Valentine’s Day 2004), the thought of adoption wouldn’t go away. I approached my husband with the idea later that evening and by that Sunday, we agreed that it was what our family needed. We sat our children down that weekend and told them our idea. All four (3 of ours and 1 of his) were in agreement. We started looking into what we would have to do the following Monday. Conveniently, the foster parent classes started that March….after 6 weeks of them, we were licensed foster parents and the wait began.

** After having difficulty conceiving both our sons, we were in the throes of infertility treatments to try and conceive a third child. We always knew we wanted 3 kids, and with just the 4 of us, it felt like someone was missing. Once my doctor gave me the facts of the UNlikelihood of us conceiving a third time, my husband suggested adoption. I was resistant, not wanting to “babysit” someone else’s child. I knew virtually nothing about adoption. But during the spring of 2002 I grieved and researched adoption on the sly. My heart and mind finally connected and my husband breathed a sigh of relief when I said, “Let’s look into adopting.” We signed on with our facilitator in July and Tessa was born, literally into my arms, 15 months later. I’m SOOOOO glad now that our family is complete and cannot imagine having a child other than our daughter.

** I had always been drawn to adoption, but I never realized that I would ever do it myself. From the time I first saw “Pete’s Dragon” as a little girl, I wanted to love a child who needed me. I had my life all planned out. I married at 23. We would have our first child at 28 and our second at 30. But when I failed to conceive, I insisted upon going to an infertility specialist after 6 months with dh kicking and screaming. After about a year of failed IF treatments, I was ready to adopt, but dh wanted to try IF longer. After 3-1/2 years of IF heartache, I went to an adoption orientation alone. It took another 5 months to get dh to agree on filling out the application. The deciding factor was when I asked myself the question, “Is the goal to become pregnant or to become a parent?” I realized that pregnancy was such a small part of being a parent. It took dh a little longer to get on board. But now, he ADORES our son and wouldn’t change a thing.

** When I remarried I assumed it would be easy to get pregnant again esp. after the first time (we tried once and boom there was Phil) Boy was I wrong. Actually I was able to get pregnant 5 times and I miscarried 5 times anywhere from 9 to 18 weeks gestation. After the last miscarriage I was diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility. We were told we could go thru IF treatments I told Scott I couldn’t go thru it (miscarriage) again. So we turned to a friend who was an adoption attorney who helped us navigate the maze. For me it wasn’t about being pregnant. I had done that before and I was a terrible pregnant person. I would have done it again if Scott had his heart set on a biological child but since he was adopted at birth to him it didn’t matter how we had our children It was about being a parent together. So adoption was the path we followed.

** I got my tubes tied after the birth of my 3rd child.When the youngest was 6 my husband and i wanted more children. Adoption was the what we both wanted.My husband is adopted and for him it was the best decision.Boy was he right.Went through adoption hell in the states.Our children were found in a foreign country.

** DH and I decided to adopt because we did not want to pursue IF treatments. As a poster said above. The goal is to become a parent not to get pregnant. It does not matter how our family comes to us, and we wanted to give a child/children a loving home. We made the decision rather quickly (in 3 days) and have not looked back. We are really looking forward to this process. The more you want something the more you appreciate it when your dreams come true. A year ago I thought this would be a hard decision but it wasn’t. I can’t wait to be a mommy.

** Sometime around second grade, I told people that I wanted to adopt. I often thought that I’d adopt and do the biological route…….but didn’t give it that much thought at all. When I met dh (high school sweetheart)….we both felt that adoption was for us. We both had health issues within our extended family (diabetes, severe early onset arthritis, etc)….and even though neither of us had/have these health issues, we just felt we couldn’t knowingly put these issues on a baby through genetics. We also felt/feel that there are already too many people on the planet. (Just our opinion)….and we weren’t people who felt the need to have kids that looked anything like us. So, we knew that if we had children…we’d adopt. DH was enlisted in the Air Force for awhile….we married before his first official orders; and when he got orders for Japan….we felt we’d pursue our adoption efforts there. We adopted our first baby from Korea in 1981 (born 1980)…next baby from Japan in 1982. Years passed before we went the older child route in ’96 and ’98. In 2001….we went back to baby adoptions through private agency/attorney. First private agency baby was adopted then; and our most recent adoption was completed in 2003 (another baby).

** Many people ask us this because we already have 2 bio children.one boy and one girl.so they say “why would you want more and why would you adopt instead of going the natural route?” i got very ill with my pregnancies and even though i was capable of conceiving it was so hard on me and my body and the kids that we decided that adoption would be the route we would take to have the larger family we always wanted.and deep inside i always thought it was a way to provide a loving home to a child in need.

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Tags: choosing adoption

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