Adopting a child should be a joyful, positive experience. Unfortunately there will always be those who look to cheat and scam. Use your common sense. One of these signs alone doesn’t mean it’s a scam, but a few should be examined and approached with caution.
Birthmother Scams:
1. Usually the motivation for birthmother scams are to take your money. She needs money for rent, food, etc. Only give money to a birthmother-to-be through an attorney or qualified adoption professional. The amount limits and circumstances vary by state law. Do not give money directly to a birthmother.
2. If the birthmother is not available by phone and wants to call you because of an on going situation, beware! You should have a contact number and complete physical address that you can verify.
3. A birthmother may not even be pregnant or could be pregnant and has other plans for the baby, including keeping the baby or promising the baby to several waiting adoptive parents. Look for those signs.
4. The birthmother has at least one or more crisis in her life and you are part of the solution. This can include sad stories such as rape and incest. Be sensitive, but do not be drawn into the whole situation.
5. The birthmother offers a plan to bring the baby to you. Birthmothers usually want you to meet her and arrange to receive the baby at the hospital. This ploy is used to get a plane ticket which can be cashed in later. Do not give anyone a plane ticket. Many adopting parents have lost money by purchasing a plane ticket and never hearing from the, supposed, birthmother again
5. To have a match, you must meet face to face with the expectant mother. Big flag, the birthmother flakes out. She misses scheduled meetings with you or other professionals. Even with an unbelievable story she can be very convincing.
6. Proof or pregnancy or other documents are agreed upon, but never seem to arrive. She seems to always have a reason for not sending you identifying information or cannot believe that you have not received the information. A sudden miscarriage or hospitalization can happen when you request for too much information.
7. The birthmother does not want you to contact anyone else concerning her pregnancy. She does not feel comfortable meeting or talking with an attorney or other adoption professional. When pressed, she might accuse you of not trusting her and can even get angry.
8. The birthmother will not give you, but will get you the name of her doctor or clinic where she is receiving medical attention.
9. The birthmother will evade certain details regarding medical attention, signing parental rights, contacting social services or adoption professionals.
10. The birthmother changes her story about the pregnancy or her situation. If a birthmother is talking to several adoptive parents, her story can change because she cannot remember what she said to you.
11. Be careful if the birthmother is expecting twins. This is a popular situation with an adoption scam. In the natural course, ask for proof of pregnancy and how are you able to contact her doctor.
12. A favorite ploy is for someone to fix you up with a friend. That person might pose as an adoptive parent and not an adoption professional. Be careful that the friend is not the same person. If both have the same IP address watch out!
13. Fake birthmothers are very willing to match quickly and will say you are perfect, without knowing much about you. They are going to send you pictures and other thing, but never do.
14. They have always had complications with the pregnancy…..they usually claim when you cannot find them that they were at the emergency room.
15. The birthmother does not like or want to deal with an attorney or other adoption professional. She has had a bad experience with an attorney and does not want to work with them again.
Adoption Professional Scams
1. Beware of any adoption professional on the Internet who cannot provide you with information. Get the basics and go from there.
2. If they are an agency, find out the state they are in and their agency license number. It is not necessary for an adoption professional to have a web site, but it helps validate their presence.
3. An adoption facilitator should be carefully looked at, in California, facilitators have to be bonded and in many state they are illegal. You need to research their business.
4. Find out the professionals legal business name, physical address, physical phone number, city business license.
5. If any adoption professional is offended by you asking questions, they are probably not your choice.
6. Check with the Better Business Bureau for any bad reports.
7. Join various Internet egroups or check boards on the Internet for any positive or negative reports.
8. Read any document you sign. Ask the “what if questions”. Anything said verbally is always overridden by the contract. Make sure there is a contract.
9. Do not be lured by the fact if you sign a contract, you will have the baby you want. An adoption usually takes time.
10. If a facilitator does not have an established business with a track record and is unknown to the Internet adoption circle, DO NOT SEND MONEY UP-FRONT. A small application fee is about as far as we would recommend. Have your attorney verify the facilitators qualifications. You will need an attorney anyway.
One of our adoption forum members, Laura, has this to add:
I don’t think we were truly scammed in that the person set out to take our money, however I feel we were not represented to potential birthmothers and we weren’t dealt with honestly. We lost $5000 with a facilitator who basically closed up shop about a year or so after we contracted with her. She didn’t have the decency to tell us this, we learned through the grapevine. Had I not confronted her about it directly I don’t know if she ever would have “told” us she was out of business. During the time she was in business she seems to have had so much going on in her life that I don’t think she was actively doing much if anything to help us find our child. The hardest part about it was we felt we had done our research, checked references etc. She checked out, she flaked on us though. We were the unfortunate ones I guess. I was greatly disappointed as I felt this person had more moral aptitude then to do what she did (especially being an adoptive parent herself). We learned our lesson and it was a costly one but from now on it is agency only for us or little to no upfront cost for us.
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Tags: adoption scams
