I recently posted an poll at our adoption forums which asked “For those who adopted an infant through domestic adoption, how much input did the biological mother have on your choosing a name for your child”?The results were: (total votes = 15):
1) The bio. mother chose the name and I had no input 0 / 0.0%
2) I chose the name and the bio. mother had no input 7 / 46.7%
3) I chose the name along with the bio. mother 1 / 6.7%
4) We chose their name but the bio. mother approved it 4 / 26.7%
5) We changed their name after the bio. mother chose one 3 / 20.0%
Some of our members went on to explain their answers and share their experience.
We met with our girls’ birthmom a week before they were born (she had chosen us a week before that). She asked what we were planning on for names. We told her and she liked them, but never told us what she would have chosen if she parented. I got the distinct impression from her that she felt like it wasn’t “her place” to choose their names since she wasn’t planning on parenting - but I didn’t ask and she didn’t offer.
In most of our cases with domestic adoption, we were told of names the bio mother had chosen—either on her own, or because a caseworker told her it might be a good idea. In all cases, we changed the names.
When we met the placing mother, she said that it was very important to her for the baby to have a name on his birth certificate. She did not want to name him after his birthfather, so she said that, if we would tell her the name that we had chosen, she would put that name on his original birth certificate. She liked the name, and we have been told that she did use our name choice for his original birth certificate.
‘Tessa’ was our girl name, although we didn’t have a middle name picked out when we met our daughter’s birth mother. We liked her so much (and still do!) that my husband and I quickly agreed we wanted to honor her by giving the baby her name as a middle name, if she was a girl. Her birth mother was moved to tears when we told her that’s what we were going to name the baby (after we found out it was a girl). We never even expected a birth mother to give us input in that decision, but I’m glad she seems to like the name.
I’m answering this one in relation to our latest adoption. (We didn’t meet Andy’s bmom and never had any contact, so names were a non-issue) Anyhow, when it came to picking Ben’s name (Bennett Tristan) we asked Katie if she had any names she liked and she said Tristan. I’ve always loved the name Ben and since Tony Bennett is my favorite singer, Ben it was! lol
Crystal had picked out “Savannah.” We chose a name that starts with T (we made it up). She really like that, too, and the fact that it “goes with” her son’s name, Tyler.
Our children’s bmom’s had no say about the names we choose for our children; however, upon learning that my dd bmom had been calling our dd by the name of Bridget for the 5 days before we got custody of her, we decided to keep that name and moved it to her middle name instead of her first. Her bmom was very, very touched that we did that.
On our sons orginal birth certificate his name was Gabriel Michael. She even had a Social Security card issued in that name. Our attorney advised that once she signed the relinquishment papers (12 hours after birth) we give him a name of our choosing. I didn’t know about the SS card until I went to apply for one after the adoption was final.
We changed our son’s name. We told birthmom what it would be, and she liked it, but even if she hadn’t his name still would have been changed.
I voted that we chose the name and she approved it. But it wasn’t quite like that. We had been through a situation where we had discussed naming with the woman and we decided not to get into that mess again the next time around. Somehow it did come up though. K was just SURE she was having a boy (surprise!) Basically we were set on our names and then asked if we could include the name she picked as a middle name. She was really shocked that we would even consider it. She definitely did not have any expectations about what we would name the baby….she was just happy that she could put what she wanted on the bc before it was changed. She ended up putting the first time we picked on her bc (it is a different version of a name she was considering) with the name she picked as the middle name. She didn’t include the middle name we chose. We had thought about dropping the name she picked after a bunch of things happened and even told the attny to take it off. But then it ended up being on the new bc anyway and now we are glad it did.
We chose our daughter’s name and the birth mother wanted to put OUR last name on the birth certificate.
What about you? Feel free to answer in a comment. 
Related Posts:
- Adopting An Infant And Choosing Their Name
- Domestic Adoption
- Paid For Choosing Adoption
- Talking To Your Child About Adoption
- Mothers Day Thoughts From Mothers Who Adopted
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