Adoption Support at Forever Parents

Adoption Interviews: Fourth Installment

The next two interviews were done by members of the Forever Parents adoption forums. Thanks ladies! If you’re an adoptive or waiting parents and are interested in being interviewed, please e-mail me at joannegreco AT gmail.com
with adoption interviews in the headline (so it’s not mistaken for spam).

1) The first one is from Lori from BestLight Adoption Profile Review . She also blogs at Weebles Wobblog.People decide to adopt for many different reasons. What led you to adoption?

Pretty bad odds on further fertility treatments. Deciding that being a parent was more important to us than being pregnant.What type of adoption(s) did you pursue (international, siblings, transracial, open, etc)? Was the process what you thought it would be?

Open (although we didn’t even know it existed at the time we began the process.) The process turned out to be much smoother than we thought it would be.What obstacles, if any, did you face along the way? How did you overcome them?

Mainly the discomfort of being out of control of the process. I mean, this was one situation where I couldn’t study my way out of it, work my way out of it, or earn my way out of it. I had to allow it to happen, rather than to make it happen. Lots of therapy and energy work on myself.Did you have the support of family and friends during your adoption journey? If yes, how important was it to you?

Absolutely. It was very important, and I can’t imagine anyone close to us being poopy about it.Generally speaking, if you could change something about adoption or how it is perceived, what would it be and why? Do you think that change will ever come to be?

(1) Ethical adoptions are in everyone’s best interest. See The Burning Building Test(2) Adoption, in my view, can be a win/win agreement. Two parties come together — two pieces of a puzzle — where each can solve the other’s problem to the benefit of the child. If the adoption is ethical and not coerced, one party’s win is not another party’s loss.

As the parent of an adoptee/s, what challenges do you think they will face as they grow up? Will life be easier for them than adoptees before them? How will you help them with any issues that they may face?

I hope to give my children the best life possible by normalizing their life stories. They will not have to wonder about their genetic connections, and if they have some issues about rejection, they can talk with their birthparents about it. They will not have to navigate the minefield of search and reunion, and they will not feel torn loyalties between their birthfamilies and us. At least these are my hopes, as I parent via “informed intuition.” Ask me in a few years how well it worked!

The second is from AMom2Two.

People decide to adopt for many different reasons. What led you to adoption?

I always felt like I wanted to adopt as a young child. My first experience was when I was 7 and my parents wanted to adopt a little boy. My sister did not want another child in our family, so the social worker did not approve us, but I remember feeling sad for that little boy who needed a home. Then I meet my dh who has lost both of his parents to cancer as a young teenager and I was scared to death of our child getting the cancer genes. It took a while to to get my dh on the adoption path, but once he was on it, there was no turning back.What type of adoption(s) are you/did you pursue (international, siblings, transracial, open, etc)? Was it what you had intended to pursue all along? Was the process what you thought it would be?

We pursued a semi-open domestic adoption. We ended up opening both of our children’s adoptions to fully open. The process was what we thought it would be. Maybe a little harder emotionally but the length and time frame were accurate.

What obstacles, if any, are you/did you face along the way? How did you overcome them?We had to face two failed placements at birth. One bmother we were matched for 4 months and had meet her entire family as well as boyfriends. It was hard to let all of them go.

Do/did you have the support of family and friends during your adoption journey? If not, how did it affect you? If yes, how important was it to you?

For the first adoption, we had a lot of support. For our second adoption, we didn’t have too much support. Most people felt we should be happy with one child and that we were taking a chance with a second child. The second time around was harder then the first also.

Generally speaking, if you could change something about adoption or how it is perceived, what would it be and why? Do you think that change will ever come to be?

I would like to change the language people use when the talk about it. People still ask me about my children’s mother and father. When I say I am fine, they say, oh I mean their “real” mother and father. I think society makes us feel less important and I wish that stereotype would change. I think more education is needed so that others who have no experience with adoption, will know the right terminology to use.

As the parent (or parent-to-be) of an adoptee/s, what challenges do you think they will face as they grow up? Will life be easier for them than adoptee’s before them? How will you help them with any issues that they may face?

I think my children will face some issues with their open adoptions and being different from other children. I think when my dd starts talking about it more, other children will pick up on it and I am afraid they will tease her. I also think having an open adoption, puts those adoption issues on the child much earlier then if we were to have a closed adoption. I don’t think that is all bad, just different. By the time my children hit their teens, I hope they will have worked out their feelings about their adoption.

Related Posts:

1. Adoption Interviews: second installment
2. Adoption Interviews: third installment
3. Adoption Interviews
4. Adoption Interview: Fifth Installment
5. Open adoption